Morlocks

                          OUR NEW FRESHMEN SENATORS

When you have no real ‘life’ you can get excited about new presentations on the tellie.

I love Sherlock Holmes. I mean I am not an afficianado in the neurotic sense.

Long before people began speaking Clingon, readers of The Strand awaited the latest episodes of Sherlock and I am positive great battles ensued at local London cafes and pubs concerning the true identity of Moriarty and the best tobaccos on the market as well as the manner in which Holmes decorated his flat at 221B Bakers Street in London.

I really cannot stand the Rathbone portrayals of this super sleuth—with the exception of The Hound of the Baskervilles—because the producers of that series brought him into the mid twentieth century. Besides, Watson’s character was absolutely shredded with the writers turning him into a bumbling idiot.  If Watson were so damned stupid how in the hell could he have enjoyed acclaim writing the episodes in the first place?

I really enjoyed the English production of Sherlock Holmes which aired on PBS in the eighties. Jeremy Brett was superb in that roll and David Burke played a more believable Watson. And 41 episodes were presented over the years. I mean Doyle had only written 60 stories in the first place.

Umberto Eco of course took Sherlock back somewhere into the 14^th century as a monk in The Name of the Rose.  A fun read and one of the best movies I have ever seen.

I recently procured a free pc showing of the 2009 movie which starred Robert Downey. What a romp!! I really look forward to reviewing it on cable in a couple years. It really took me places I have never been and Downey is one hell of an actor. Besides, Sherlock is portrayed as a first class psycho and Watson does not know if he is more fearful of death or prison as Holmes’s caretaker.

But this new PBS presentation of Sherlock knocked my socks off. The producers broke my cardinal rule and took the detective into the 21^st century.

But like I noted previously, I have no life so I sat through the 80 minute movie against my better judgment.

This new take on Holmes really is impressive and I get to see a second episode this Sunday and it will surely give me a respite from my fears of the impending doom following next Tuesday’s elections.

I am really pissed that our 21^st century detective does not smoke fags or pipes though. He wears nicotine patches. Shite!!!

Laura Miller at Salon agrees with my assessment of this new depiction of an old literary hero. http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movies/sherlock_holmes/index.html?story=/books/laura_miller/2010/10/26/sherlock_texts

Take five minutes and review her review.

Alex Strachman from the Calgary Herald notes:

Elementary reasoning: The Guinness World Records cites Sherlock Holmes as "the most portrayed movie character," with 75 actors taking on the role in more than 200 films

Strachman also notes that this new version of Holmes is a blockbuster hit in the U.K.  He writes that it may have even saved BBC from some defunding proposal that was making head way in the House of Commons.

Anyway, this got me to thinking…

I mean we could take this idea of time travel for old movie motifs and make a mint.

What about a script where a man more interested in wrestling with his monkey than making love to his girl friend was reincarnated into the latter 20^th century as President of the United States. And some evil cabal of corporate pricks controlled our chief executive’s every move through mind control? (Bedtime for Bonzo)

Or how about a screen play where President Thomas Whitmore is reincarnated from his presence in Independence Day into a 21^st century draft dodger who is appointed chief executive by the Supreme Court after voiding an election where 100 million voters had participated? And this draft dodging aristocrat starts a war and pretends to be a fighter pilot actually taking on the enemy?

Or, better yet, forget about the world of pretend politics and resurrect the Hearst character from Citizen Kane and make him a megalomaniac who attempts to conquer the world by building a propaganda machine that includes news programming (local and national), magazines, newspapers and dirty movies.  And we could kill him off by turning his own atomic satellite against him. And in the end he would be in dire, dire pain screaming:

ROSEBUD, ROSEBUD, ROSEBUD.

Oh I forgot, they already did that in some James Bond movie.

Okay, but how about this? We take those Mole People from the Time Machine and we have them reincarnated into groups of Americans residing all over the country. They are kind of hairy and grey and are supposed to be genetic test subjects from some atomic testing plant out in the desert. We first meet them as they gather in grave yards eating dead flesh with their bare hands. And some evil characters like Moriarty and Hearst secretly teach these rubes how to bathe and dress up and such and they become this great political movement and some of them run for Congress and actually get elected.

Something like Mr.& Mrs. Grey Go to Washington, and then these mole people are all polite and stuff and enter the halls of Congress. As the film progresses the greys relapse slowly but surely into the mole people ranting and raving and begin eating the elite Eloi’s. I mean you could have scenes right on the floor of the Senate where these evil mole people undress and cane, kill and then cannibalize Senators like Al Franken and David Rockefeller.  We could call it Invasion of the Senate Snackers.

Ahhhhhh forget it!!!

Nobody would ever believe that scenario.