The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    CVille Dem's picture

    Empty Nest

    By CVille Dem on Sun, 12/07/2008 - 10:31am |
    I have known this was coming for 23 years, and yet I am totally unprepared for this feeling.  All my children are sleeping in apartments or dormitories rather than down the hall from me.  I stayed home with them for 17 years, and only went back to work when they all got their drivers licenses.  All those years of single-parenting and never even having a date because I couldn't figure out how to divide the energy it would take, and now they just don't need me for everyday things any more and it is quite an adjustment.

    My house is way too big and the task of decluttering and downsizing (though I want to do both) is overwhelming.  I can barely stand to even look at the list my real estate agent gave me, never mind STARTING on it.  Although I used to host large dinner parties I am hesitant to invite groups for dinner out of fear that I won't be able to do it well.  I invited my son for dinner last week and when he showed up I had forgotten that I had invited him and I had already eaten!

    I decided last night that I would do some exercise today, but it is almost 11 am and here I am!  I need to clear leaves in my back yard; hopefully I'll make myself do it.  I'll feel better if I accomplish something, and being outside always helps.  Unrelated:  I saw an albino deer in my backyard last week; even got a picture of it.  It was beautiful, solid white -- almost luminescent -- I hope it doesn't turn out on someone's wall.  

    Well, Christmas is coming and everyone will be home for a while.  I'm hoping we have a lot of laughs and food.  My daughter's job in New York ($12 an hour as a personal assistant to a struggling designer) is iffy, and she is looking for something else.  She wants to stay in the fashion industry, but what a time to be starting out!   My twin boys are in college now, and one is probably not going to go past this first year.  He is very smart but has a profound learning disability and just can't do the work despite his father helping him every day.  He has great leadership skills, and teaches adaptive skiing, which will probably be his field of work.  My other son has matured so much in these few months since he has been in college it surprised me.  He was so over high-school, and had a real attitude.  He has come so far so fast!  I can't tell you what great kids they all are.  They are all honest and intrinsically nice people!

     I wrote 4 years ago about starting my new job, and kind of said good-bye because I thought I wouldn't be able to come here so often, but I couldn't stay away.  Forgive this pity-party, but I just wanted to share this tough time with my pals at TPM.  Thanks,  Jan