Meanwhile, back at Camelot...

The King of the Roundish Table was firm enough after his catastrophe a fortnight before, to meander down to the great living room. When I say meander, I mean that he went very slowly because it was very painful for him to walk. Beau Manes accompanied him.

Ooh, Beau, this huuuuuuurts. They had to proceed down the winding staircase and finally  found their destination.  Merlin presented Arthur with a special pad to sit on during the proceedings. It was rather airy and when the King first sat on it, he noticed a strange sound ...

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Everyone was quiet and looked at the King.  The King had a stern scowl about his face.  But then, he smiled and then he started laughing. Then everyone in the room laughed and clapped at the noise.  Most of the ladies and knights were present and seated as the festivities were to begin.

It was a large, large room.  I mean it was not as big as, say, Yankee's Stadium, but it was really big for a room.  It was circular and in the center of it was a stage.  And tonight there would be a presentation, actually a few presentations.

First a song presented by Tristan:

There was a lost and lonely lass
Who found herself on the lam
She had run away during mass
One day to elope with her man

She wore short shorts
She wore short shorts
Who wore short shorts
She wore short shorts

The duke and duchess looked around
They looked and looked for their daughter
Before they had named her Saffron
But changed it to Sharon later

She wore short shorts
She wore short shorts
Who wore short shorts
She wore short shorts

Sharon had been promised to Assam
A rich shopkeeper in village
Sharon was not too fond of him
So she left Assam for a page

She wore short shorts
She wore short shorts
Who wore short shorts
She wore short shorts

The real moral of this story
The hard moral of this song
Before you  give away the dowry
First make sure your daughter's not gone

                    
Everybody stood and cheered the Cornish Bard and clapped their hands.

Merlin turned to Bedivere and asked: What on earth are short shorts?

Bedivere looked at his old companion and responded: You do not get out much do you Merlin?

Next of all people, Fern entered the stage as the token dwarf of the evening.  He began:

We present a play called Marian, and we hope it will bring you all pleasure with tears and laughs and wonder.  And now Marian:

The scene opens with the evil Gorlois plotting with his three lieutenants.

Thomas, you will listen in on conversations held in Lady Doff's bedroom.

Germaine, you shall go with Timothy to the lists and make the changes we spoke about.

As you know, my brother Sean will be sworn in as king on the morrow.  But the idiot would compete in the jousting before the ceremony.

But he is the greatest of jousters, Gorlois, and he has never been defeated.

Oh, pooh, he is not the greatest.  He is not even in the top ten.  Sean's opponents were scared to do him any harm.  And so they would least when they should have listed and they lasted when they should have leasted.

Tim turned to speak with Tom in a whisper: What? Methinks Gorlois knows nothing of listing and jousting.

We shall give my brother a special drink.  He shall come for appetizers and some brandy. Tom, you bring in the brother's cups. 

Germaine, do you have anything to add that would be germane to these proceedings?

Well Sire, I have the germ of an idea that might see you through to your ultimate aim. But what about the brother's cups?

No go on, that is another thing, Gorlois responded.

Sire, you challenge your brother Sean to an arm wrestling championship.  We are all aware as to how you are constantly exercising your right hand and arm and Sean of course is left handed,Sinistra as the Romans say.

You mean Sinatra is going to sing here tonight?

Sinistra means left handed but think about. 

Sean appeared and Gorlois embraced him. Brother it is good of you to come before your grand entrance unto the lists tomorrow.

Would you have some sustenance with us, Sean?

Why yes I would Gorlois.  Thomas appeared in the room with fixings including two goblets and trays filled with the finest of foods, finger foods, the kind you eat with your fingers. He placed them at a small table.

Gorlois accompanied his brother to the table.  Sean sat down and Gorlois began the serving. He secretly put poison in Sean's Red Cup from his ring.  He then poured wine into the Red Cup and the Blue Cup. He handed the Red Cup to Sean.

First, said Sean, why do you always capitalize 'Cup'? Second, my cup is the blue cup and it has always been the blue cup since mummy gave us our cups.

What are you talking about brother? Forsoothe, I say, forsoothe. We came back from boys camp and our dear mother presented us with these cups. You said you wanted the red cup and since you are the oldest and always get what you want, and so here is your goddarn red cup now drink from it you sissy.

Listen here poopy pants. If you recall I received much better scores on my SATs than you ever did and my memory is impeccable. And therefore, give me the blue cup.

Gorlois became angrier and angrier and unsheathed his sword with great animosity.

He raised it against his brother and called out: You took a crib sheet with you to those tests and that is the only reason you fared better than I. And I shall never forgive you for letting them put me in community college.

Sean pulled his sword, the mighty Egaliter (not to be confused with excaliber, excaliber means from the stone and Egaliter means: THE EQUALIZER)


Gorlois took a look at Egaliter and sat down and sobbed.

Mom always liked you best. And he left the room.

Sean smiled,  for I knew my brother a coward since our boyhood days when I would tie up Gorlois in the dungeon. He then grabbed the red glass, which he knew to be his, and drank it all down with much satisfaction and then drained the blue glass as well.

I have this day defeated my brother one more time.  It was always meant to be.  The sniveling wart. He shall be banished forever in the kitchen, whilst I keep the fort.

Sean's smile suddenly disappeared and he had a truly sullen look upon his face.  He grabbed his neck and flung himself around in all directions, to the right and then to the left, to the fro and to the to, so to speak.  He then fell unto the marble floor.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahha. Gorlois entered with a sneer.  Gloating over his brother's misfortune. He reached down to his brother and felt his lifeless neck with his hand.

Its over, its over, I have won. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhaahhahahaahahahah

(The audience cringed at this injustice and began booing)

Just then, Sean arose from the ground.  I grabbed your poison ring off the nightstand yestereve and washed out the poison and put in mint.  Brandy with a little mint is not that bad you know.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Sean always laughed in capital letters.

Take my brother to the dungeon and tie him in the pink irons down there.  Just like when we were children.

Gorlois is taken away.  And the remaining players bow.

Hurrah, hurrah, said the King.  Hurrah, hurrah roared the crowd.

The king leaned over to Merlin so as not to be heard: Merlin, get another food taster in here for the next few days.