Shiteface..er..Quinn and Sir Palidan were on their way to the wall again. This time without any of the guardsmen. King Arthur simply desired an independent eye to the goings on up there.

The outsourcing was costing a lot of money lately, and Bedivere was concerned that an entirely new Kaygate might be brewing. Rumors of finer steeds being purchased, as well as an influx of 'trophy wives' might indicate a little skimming by the realm's 'trustees'.  Gwain's estate was involved among others, as far as investing in some of the companies. Although Gwain himself , was always above reproach.  Besides, he never understood a thing about money.

Sir Cheney and Sir Boner were not above reproach. But as members of the aristocracy, the proof of 'improprieties' must be solid before any proceedings could be brought.  Quinn and Palidan were good picks. Quinn had worked as a contractor and ran his own crew. Palidan would not ever take his share of booty until it was all counted out at Camelot.

Hey Eduardo, how is that new mate of yours working out at the stables? Inquired Shiteface.

Well, the old grey mare just aint what she used to be.  HEEHAW HEEHAW

WHAT?

Just kidding, always wanted to say that!!! Eduardo added.

The four mammals had been on the road for a few days but still had a ways to go before they hit the wall.  (I always wanted to say that!!!)

Palidan, the salve that Belle of yours served up for me really helped. Those piles are gone. I mean I could even get rid of the saddle cushion I have been using, but I have become so used to it, I would rather not.

Any more word on that cabal at the stables?

Well, my Eduardo here heard the entire scheme.  He relayed it to Belle and then to me and we had to act right away according to Bedivere. But Cheney and Boner got away because, I mean....well the Court cannot really accept an oath from a four legger, so to speak. Hahahaha

That's easy for you to neigh. Responded Eduardo.

A couple hundred yards up Shiteface's finely 'plated' road the knights saw an encampment.

A large encampment with many pavilions, scores of horses and large carts. There was a large sign at the entrance:

CATAPULTS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE

Oh, Geeez, it's the National Weapon Association.  We are supposed to check in with the arms vendors anyway Palidan.  We shall camp here and nose around. Whispers of sales to our enemies you know. Look for tattoos. Our dress certainly does not hide our allegiances, but we can look like we are looking for good deals and the possibility of investment. Geeeez, I hate these people. (Quinn blesses himself)

Eduardo, you stay around back and just listen.  Report to us later.

As the two knights entered the biggest tent, a speech was being delivered by the President of the NWA:

I had not planned to mention this, but Mayor Thomast's behavior since we came to town makes me think he spent too much time hanging out with London's Mayor  Bloom a couple of weeks ago. Thomast  went to  Bloom's meeting of big-city mayors in London to talk about big-city crime and that's the problem. They're all talk and no action. Bloom, if you really want to stop violent crime, you don't need to spend taxpayer's money to throw parties for mayors and hold seminars and schedule photo ops...and act like violent crime is some new problem with some secret solution.

It's real simple. If you want to get crime off your streets, get criminals off your streets! Mayor Bloom, it's not rocket science. NWA has supported putting bad guys behind bars for decades - and it works. Mayor Bloom, talk gets headlines. But prosecuting criminals gets results. And the people want results! I'll make you a deal,  Bloom. Here's what you do. Walk down to Town Hall and tell your prosecuting attorneys that from now on, no plea bargains, no reduced charges, no dropped cases. A thug caught with a cross bow goes to jail. A violent felon caught with a crossbow goes to jail. Discharge a crossbow in commission of a felony, go to jail. Smuggle a crossbow, go to jail. If you do that, if you stop talking and start acting, your violent crime rate will drop 30-40-50% in one year. *

Yadayadayada

Quinn turned to Palidan and whispered, I do not know what rocket science is, but I do know that crossbows do kill people and the vendors are responsible.  These animals are supplying our enemies and this must be stopped. I lost three on my road crew per marauders just last year. We were repairing roads for Chrissakes. (Blesses himself) We were not prepared for battle. Let us look around.

The knights saw huge storehouses of crossbows, bows, maces, axes, spears, swords...all sorts of weapons ready for sale to all buyers.  They strode outside to behold the catapults and the battering rams and other siege weapons. They went into one of the other tents.

There was a series of counters manned by vendors. Behind each counter were actual weapons and drawings of the larger weapons. They approached one of the counters manned by a slovenly ragged  troll with one eye and a scar that cut across his entire face, disfiguring his mouth and his nose. 

Come right up, he snarled. I am Gnarly and I am here to help you.

We are knights errant who wander to discover new things and communicate our findings to the richest of buyers, buyers interested in maintaining their forces on the continent. What kind of coin is thou seeking for this fine weaponry? Asked Palidan.

Well let us look at these deluxe crossbows, Gnarly said as he pulled out a catalogue:

Take a look at the Barton or the TenPoint. But nothing beats the ExCalibur.  This here fine Ex was christened by our own beloved King Arthur. It is semi-automatic but (Gnarly cups one three fingered hand over his disjointed mouth) but if you pick up a few 'accessories' for a couple more pence, you can turn this fine article into an automatic. No problem. And we even ship the manual with each piece. Ha

But are not automatics against the King's own laws? Quinn inquired.

Automatics are, but not semi-automatics. Ha

Well I am no legal expert, but if you sell the weapon and the 'adjustments' are available with instructions, I mean are you not in fact breaking the law? And if the manufacturer knows this, has not it crossed the line with regard to this very important series of statutes?

Gnarly, continued: Oh that is for yer lawyers and such. Me, I am just a poor vendor strutting and fretting upon the sales floor, attempting to fill my small purse to feed me family and friends alike. Legally speaking, signifying nothing. Ha

We shall return after discussing this matter and outlining a proposal.

The two then came up with a fictitious order and returned.  A purchase order was drawn up and at the top of the paper was the title:  Sir  Cheney's Hellofaburden War Supplies.

After nosing around some more, Quinn found an accounts ledger with the purchasers designated as Picts.  He filed it into his belt.

This may be all the evidence we need Quinn, noted Palidan.

As they left the pavilion with their evidence in hand they noted over at the Camel Lot parking section that, there was a protester dressed in a robe and in sandals. He was standing on a crate with his lyre and broke into song:

The European world, it is deploring

Violence flarin', arrows loadin'

You're ready enough to kill, but not for devotin'

You can't wait to go to war,
but what's that bow you're totin'

And even the ThamesRiver has bodies floatin'

But you tell me

Over and over and over again, my friend

Ah, you don't believe

We're on the eve

of destruction.

Don't you understand what I'm tryin' to say

Can't you feel the fears I'm feelin' today?

If the battle is lost, there's no runnin' away

There'll be no one to save,
with all of England in a grave

[Take a look around ya boy, 
it's bound to scare ya boy]

And you tell me

Over and over and over again, my friend

Ah, you don't believe

We're on the eve

of destruction.

Think of all the hate there is among Etruscans

Then take a look around to our own Northhampton

You may leave here for 4 days in space

But when you return, it's the same old place

The poundin' of the drums, the pride and disgrace

You can bury your dead, but don't leave a trace

Hate your next-door neighbor, 
but don't forget to say grace

And... tell me over and over and over
and over again, my friend

You don't believe

We're on the eve

Of destruction

Mm, no no, you don't believe

We're on the eve

of destruction.

The prophet then put down his lyre and picked up 
his sign and began pacing. A woman in a robe
joined him with her own sign.

*	Roz Chast Shiteface turned to Palidan: Funny how opposing ideas sometimes come together, huh?   The two gathered their steeds and moved on up the road to a local inn.              *   2006 Annual Meeting Officers' Speeches: Wayne LaPierre