Back at Camelot the King had just announced that there was "Peace in our Time" per the fine work of the Marquis de Sot and had awarded the greatest warrior in the battle against the Angles, Sir Dobbs a Medal of Freedom. Everybody was hurrahing and hurraying and it was one big victory fest. So naturally, there was a big party planned for that night.

Everybody was there. Except for Lancelot who was having a devil of a time, Quixotic and Beau who were giving the midget king his due and taking a hefty cut and Snerf who was not sure what he was going to do but who had a couple of coins in his pocket, so to speak.

Sir McDougal (Shiteface) was there. He had been put in charge of the moat. They finally drained the ditch and recovered so much wealth in gold teeth and rings alone, that they were able to redo the palace. The new Room of Celebration with a larger stage and greater viewing table for the King and his special guests as well as special seating for the ladies had been finished just in time for the festivities. All this made Sir McDougal a celebrity. He even became involved in the decoration activities, although he liked the ladies, a lot.

Sir McDougal also held a special place among the ruling class because of his discretion with regard to the 'past-living' (so to speak) discovered after the dredging. The Dredging Report had been issued by a special commission headed by Shiteface, and the 'past living' found were divided into two parts. The 'past living' who had evidently fallen into the moat during domestic disturbances (at times when the peasants were really revolting)  and the PL's who somehow 'got lost' making their way back to the castle. Miraculously, many of those PL's in the second classification, were past prisoners that had been held in the dungeon without being officially charged with a crime and who had lacked any representation and who had been denied access to their family and friends. The phrase most prevalent in unofficial circles was "Shiteface Happens."

The real force behind this commission was a little known members of the knighthood known as Sir Rumsbottom and his aid Sir Chainey.. These knights were known as the neo-conners who spent most of their time attempting to get the King to lower taxes and to increase the peasant working hours to 15 from the traditional 12.  The Neo-conners also had a real purpose in life to abolish the widows and orphans fund maintaining that it was a waste of national resources to provide for people who should be kept in the workforce. They also had something to do with cleaning out the dungeon of a hundred prisoners or so, and some even whispered that they were responsible for the extra corporeal items, shall we say, that had been discovered in the moat by McDougal.

But tonight was a time for celebration and the guest lined up to greet the King and take their places at the Table of Honors. Lady Ragan was first to greet the kind, held up by two guards. It was believed that she was 123 years old and had been present at Vortigern's birth, but the records were so bad there was no way to verify this. She kind of looked like a skeleton bound with Saran Wrap but since few knew what Saran Wrap was in those days, it was not discussed much.

It is fine to see to again, King Arthur said as he greeted the Lady.

It is good to see you again Vortigern. My, it has been awhile.

You betcha said the King, smiling and motioning the guard to seat the regal lady.

Lord rush was the next in line. He came from the Castle Perilous from the Duchy of Demagogue. Lord rush (for some reason no one every bothered to capitalize his name due to some reservations regarding his claim to Royal Lineage) rather mysteriously had amassed a fortune. Some thought he had an underground business selling young Saxon girls into slavery and by spreading rumors about certain members of the aristocracy and at the same time, extorting monies from certain members of the knighthood with the threat of spreading rumors.

Good to see you Lord rush, greeted the King, making sure to keep a frozen smile. Lord rush owned much land and the Duchy of Demagogue yielded much in taxes and provided much grain to the kingdom.

King Arthur, always my pleasure. I wonder if I could ask you a question? There have been some rumors about from the lowliest of places concerning the origin, shall we say, of this Mortimer. Would you care to comment? Asked rush with his usual sneer.

I have nothing to say about that. But rush, did you know that our dungeons are almost all cleaned out now since the 'purge' so to speak. And now we hold only a man named o'reilly who seems to be very lonely lately and is desireth of company?

Uh, I am sure it gets very lonely down there, Sire. But I would like to point out that our summer harvest is going to exceed all expectations and the Realm should be awash with grain and ale to round of this very fine year.  rush responded while shaking in his enormous boots.

Very, very fine news rush. Please take thy seat next to Lady Ragan. Arthur's smile seemed much more genuine all of a sudden as rush hurried to find his seat, which was difficult since it was so goddamnably big. (Blesses himself)

Many more lords and ladies were seated and the festivities began with a song from Sir Tristan.

Knights who were Latin
Who were there to defend
Late of Mount Badon
Honored eer till the end
            
Duty is always blest
Over selfish desire,
Searchin for what is true
And do what is required

Oh tell me what is true
Oh I must have the truth
From my own Sweet Jesu

Returning the cripple
After making the stand,
Doing what's right to do
We all  understand.

Some try to ask me
Why they're forced to defend,
Will walls that make boundaries
Keep us safe to the end.

And we give you due,
You were so true
Oh,  how we owe you.
Oh, how we owe you.

Knights in White Satin
Never shirking their liege,
Leaving their loved ones
Forsaking prestige

Heroes will all be missed
Recall them as they were before,
Just what the goal was
I cant say anymore.

Cause we love you,
Yes, we love you,
Oh, how, we love you.
Oh, how, we love you.

Tristan brought the house down. I mean, no one was hurt. It is just an expression. I do not know from whence it arose. But everyone stood and applauded. Except for Fathead Dobbs lying on the litter sucking on beer through a tube.

In the meantime, Snerf was in the midst of the Search for the Holy Pail. Actually, he was in the midst of the search for the knight on the Search for the Holy Pail, but why split hairs? And that brings up another enigma. What the hell does splitting hairs have to do with anything? I mean would perfectly sane people fight over a hair and then attempt to split it? I could see an adage like: Why share the booty. Or: Why split a lottery ticket? Or: Why split pears?

As he proceeded from his tryst with the green giant and his pals, Snerf was struck and awed by the beautiful English countryside. So green. Always damp from the morning dew and the afternoon rains. But when the sun shines, it is Eden.  He stopped in a glen bordering the forest for some sustenance and a nap. As he slept he dreamt many and wondrous things.

The Angel Gabriel appeared. Dost thou remember me, Snerf?

Oh, my Lord Gabriel, you are the one who saved me. Who made me whole. Of course, I remember Thou above all others except My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (Blesses himself)
What, pray tell, may I do for thou?

I have come to disclose some secrets, Snerf. You are currently two to three days from where Lancelot is.  He is in a pickle of the devil. What?  Or he is in the devil of a pickle? No that is not right. What do pickles have to do with all this. You humans use these strange metaphors and call them cliche's. I think you do this in order to blame everything on the French. At any rate, your Lancelot will be there for awhile.  You are to proceed east for another day until you come to a small chapel and then enter it, leaving your arms outside, as is the custom among the chivalrous. And then you will see a great marvel. And you will drink from this marvel. And then consider what has transpired. Kapish?

Sure Angel Gabriel.  Except can I behold such wonders without my arms, I mean, they have been with me since birth and...

Snerf, for Chrissakes (blesses himself) weapons, weapons are also called arms. Kapish?

Oh. Oh. I get it now. Of course, I carry my chivalry manual with me wherever I go. I would never bring a weapon into a holy place, unless I was in the Middle East, of course where everybody seems to have a weapon of some sort all of the time.

Good. Good. You have a nice day, Yahear?  The Angel Gabriel was prone to become folksy during his appearances upon the earth.


Sir Sundance awoke, refreshed. He arose and mounted his steed and proceeded east. And there was a spring in his step this time. That is his horse's step and he felt a new purpose and a new importance. After all his pay grade appeared to rise with every new sunrise. How many people could claim Gabriel as their guardian angel?  He began to sing:

I'm goin to the chapel
And I'm not gonna tarry
Goin to the chapel
And I aint gonna get buried
Goin to the chapel
And I'm gonna get carried
Goin on the wings of the Lord