Public Servants: Persons chosen by the people to properly distribute graft. (M. Twain)

The problem aint that there are too many fools. The problem is that bolts of lightning are not properly distributed. (M. Twain)

?

Meanwhile, back at Camelot:

Arthur awoke as if from a coma. He felt as if he had been asleep for years. He felt refreshed and alert. He turned and saw Guenevere who had come to him the night (?) before.

She slept so peacefully and he watched over her with loving eyes. For some reason, ever since this Quest for the Holy Pail began, Guenevere was much more drawn (shall we say) to her husband.

But there was a cloud over Camelot that Arthur only vaguely sensed.

There was a secret room at the stables and the cabal was all present and accounted for.

Sir Chunkey with his sneer sat at the head of this not so roundish table.

Sir Boner sat to his right and Sir Mitch sat to Chunkey's left.

Herald Turd Rover, Herald Sean Handjobber, Herald Rush Limper, and King Foxnews were all there.

Chunkey pounded the gavel. What are we to do? This first year of the new era has been a catastrophe. It is getting so that we can no longer hide our monies. All who paid their taxes in full for fiscal year 485 raise their hands.

Everyone raised their hands.

If the aristocracy must pay their due and legal taxes all will be lost, the sneerer continued. For this is only the beginning of the ignomy we must face. Did you hear what happened to Duke DeLay? The Duke's entire child slavery operation was shut down. And for what? To SAVE THE CHILDREN. To save them from what? What would they have had without our help. I myself had a 20% investment in that enterprise. I was getting a 40% return on investment.

Those children were given three squares a day-well two square meals on weekdays but three on the feast day and they had a place to sleep and some of them even got blankets. And the chains?

Well so what, I say. DeLay had to account for each and every one of those wretches. And that was the only way to properly keep track of them.

Other slavery operations have been shut down just over the last fortnight or so. Lancelot shut down the Duke and it is rumored that he put our representative down, had him eaten by pigs. Can you imagine the shame of it all? A traitor to his own class.

Sure, some of the guards at the plant received some sexual favors from the cherubs, but the cherubs received love and care from it all. And it was not like the children were being eaten or anything. Well, once in awhile, but only when supplies were late in coming due to mauraders in the area.

The wars are now only exercises in containment. The Southeast is secure and treaties have been signed with the Angles. The Northern Wall has been secured. The road projects are employing thousands of our peasants.

And we are now forced TO PAY OUR OWN PEASANTS. What good is it for Chrissakes? (Cheney did not bless himself for he never blessed himself or anyone around him. I MEAN EVEN WHEN SOMEONE SNEEZED for Chrissakes (narrator blesses himself)

And with peace and the aristocracy paying their fair share and with work programs and with these new minimum wage programs what is going to happen to our caste? It is almost like we cannot do what we wish to do anymore. We have lost our freedom. Our freedom to rape and pillage and take advantage of the less fortunate. Do you know that they are thinking of making it a law, making it mandatory that we must separate our garbage into metal and plastic and food stuffs?

Handjobber raised his hand as he slobbered in his sleeve. Handjobber had this speech impediment that drove Chunkey the Bastard out of his mind. Sir Chunkey, what pray tell is plastic?

Ah shut up Handjobber. That's the problem, fools. We have let fools run our aristocracy.

And what of these elites like Lancelot? This Chivalry will be the death of us all. CHARITY, I DID NOT GET WHERE I AM TODAY THROUGH CHARITY.

And longing for peace? PEACE, I DID NOT GET WHERE I AM TODAY THROUGH PEACE. I, alone, have lost thousands of pounds through losses in my weapons manufacturing concerns. I mean, man was meant to be at war and stay at war. WHAT THE HELL DO THEY THINK HUMANITY MEANS. It means raping and pillaging and torturing and all the good things that go along with our caste and class.

Turd Rover raised his hand. My Lord, I have a great idea. We must contend with these liberal chivalrics. These pigs who teach charity. We must organize the peasantry. Organize them into protest units. Taxes and tax policy will be our main bone of contention. NO MORE TAXES, NO MORE TAXES. We will raise a hew and cry against unfair taxes.

WHAT ARE YOU AN IDIOT? Here Rover. Here Rover. A bone for thou Rover. What a fucking idiot you are. And why, pray tell, do you always look like you are going to kiss the person you are talking to. The peasants do not pay taxes.

Yes, my Lord, but they do not know it, Rover replied. Besides, we will claim that taxing the aristocracy has a deleterious 'trickle down' effect upon the masses. When we are over taxed we are not able to pay bonuses to them for the 'fine work' they perform. We...

We only pay bonuses to ourselves, Sir Boner chimed in. We never pay bonuses to the peasants for Chrissakes (blesses himself as Chunkey sneers).

Yeah, but Boner they do not know that. The peasants might be revolting but they are stupid too.

We are already organizing a GREAT TREE BANGING protest across the realm. From Kent to Greenwich, from Oxford to York, we shall organize Tree Bangers all over this great country. The organizers are all in place and so far it has cost only a few hundred coins that we stole from our graft coffers only recently. Great stages have been built around the largest trees in the realm and the peasants shall be given bats to bang against the trees. And the banging shall be heard all over and especially in Camelot.

Tree Banging? What the hell does tree banging have to do with our heavy tax burden Handjobber? What the hell is wrong with you anyway?

Turd Rover spoke up. No no no, I think this will work. We already have heralds in place at each stage in the protest. Everything will be publicized. And once the King sees the great groundswell, we shall get our relief.

What relief you fools? I have been funding these right wing cabals all over the country. They want to see Arthur dead, Lancelot dead, Tristan dead....all these goddamn liberals who give not a damn for their own class. We have been providing these rubes with arms and teaching them proper fighting techniques. We have three different dukedoms openly discussing secession. Bashing trees, are you all nuts? With that Cheney left the stables snarling and sneering and went back to his suite. He was looking forward to the imported cherub pie that was awaiting him for his dinner. Nothing like cherub pie. Kinda tastes like chicken, this monster of vice thought.

The tree banger balls went awry so to speak. In York, twenty five people showed up to listen to Hankerty lisp and slobber for an hour. Tom, the manure spreader, turned to his bride Kisser and asked, What the hell is he talking about? Kisser looked askance at her husband and replied, Look, it's the new thing. You never like new things except when I wear that dance hall costume. And if you ever wish to see me in the costume again, go bang on that tree.

Just then the King's Guard arrived. Sixteen soldiers headed by Snerf. WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN?

We are taking advantage of our rights to freedom of speech and games and you have no right to interfere, replied Handjobber.

INTERFERE WITH GAMES? Hell, I am not going to interfere with games Hankerty. Guards, attach Hankerty to the tree so that he may better participate in these games.

With that, Hankerty was tied to the tree of hurtful life, as it were, and peasants were offered new washers and dryers and Foreman Grills for each finger and toe broken by each contestant in the shortest period of time.

The guards arrived at each of these game sites and performed similar adjustments in the tree banging festivities.

None of the cabal were able to pick their own noses for a fortnight following the games. And all the organizers had their taxes raised fifty percent.

Only King Foxnews and Cheney were excused since they were not caught in the gaming.

Meanwhile, again, at Camelot Eduardo was conversing with Palidan.

Palidan, I spoke with you about the tree bangers. What came of it all?

Eduardo, the trees were saved and no one will have to listen to Turd Rover or Handjobber for sometime.

All well and good, replied Eduardo. But I am more worried about these right wing nuts in the hinterlands. Chunkey is somehow behind all of this and I fear that the kingdom is at risk.

We are working on that said Palidan. But say, how is that new mare working out for you?

Well they say:

A horse is a horse of course of course.

But a mare, well There is more there than meets the eye

So to speak.

?

?

?

?

?

?