A birther and a bircher and a bagger walk into a bar.

What can I get you boys? asks the bartender. 

The birther responded:

I would like a Harvey Wallbanger and I would like to tell you this:

• Barack Obama was born in Kenya. Obama's mother was living in Kenya with Obama's father, and after his birth, she took him back to Hawaii to register his birth, because... she knew one day he would run for president? Birthers claim Obama's paternal grandmother admitted to being present during Obama's birth, in Kenya.
• Barack Obama is a citizen of Indonesia, where his sister was born.
• Barack Obama's real middle name is "Muhammed."
• Barack Obama's birth certificate is a forgery.
• Barack Obama's birth certificate isn't a forgery, but they used to give those out to people who were born overseas (this was what they had to settle on once Hawaiian officials confirmed that his birth certificate was real).
• Hawaii didn't give out birth certificates to kids born overseas at the time of Obama's birth, but his mother lied about where he was born (and sent out two newspaper announcements!) in order to procure one.

http://gawker.com/5320465/the-birthers-who-are-they-and-what-do-they-want

The bartender complied with the birther's request.

What can I get you? the barkeep asked the bircher.

I would like a Head Banger and I would like to sing you a song. The birther pulled a guitar out of his case and began to sing:

Well, I was feelin' sad and feelin' blue,

I didn't know what in the world I was gonna do,
Them Communists they wus comin' around,
They wus in the air,
They wus on the ground.
They wouldn't gimme no peace. . .

So I run down most hurriedly
And joined up with the John Birch Society,
I got me a secret membership card
And started off a-walkin' down the road.
Yee-hoo, I'm a real John Bircher now!
Look out you Commies!

Now we all agree with Hitlers' views,
Although he killed six million Jews.
It don't matter too much that he was a Fascist,
At least you can't say he was a Communist!
That's to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria.

Well, I wus lookin' everywhere for them gol-darned Reds.
I got up in the mornin' 'n' looked under my bed,
Looked in the sink, behind the door,
Looked in the glove compartment of my car.
Couldn't find 'em . . .

I wus lookin' high an' low for them Reds everywhere,
I wus lookin' in the sink an' underneath the chair.
I looked way up my chimney hole,
I even looked deep inside my toilet bowl.
They got away . . .

Well, I wus sittin' home alone an' started to sweat,
Figured they wus in my T.V. set.
Peeked behind the picture frame,
Got a shock from my feet, hittin' right up in the brain.
Them Reds caused it!
I know they did . . . them hard-core ones.

Well, I quit my job so I could work alone,
Then I changed my name to Sherlock Holmes.
Followed some clues from my detective bag
And discovered they wus red stripes on the American flag!
That ol' Betty Ross . . .

http://www.kovideo.net/lyrics/b/Bob-Dylan/Talkin-John-Birch-Paranoid-Blues.html

http://gawker.com/5428175/the-60s-are-back-birchers-sponsor-conservative-conference

The bagger responded: A Long Island Tea Banger. He then began to list his demands:

We want lower taxes.

We want private health insurance and the defeat of all health care reform.

We want to impeach Barack Obama.

We want to impeach Nancy Pelosi.

We want white justice.

And we want to force all school children to sing Christmas carols in our public schools.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/5trokerac3/what-teabagger-signs-say-vs-what-they-mean-o6r

http://www.newser.com/story/75939/tea-baggers-demand-mandatory-xmas-carols.html

That will be $65.00 gentlemen.

The three began to beat each other to death with their bar stools.

THE END