Richard Day's picture


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                                      POLITICAL STRATAGEMS

    I used to watch football. I kind of got back into it when it looked like the Vikings might make it into the Super Bowl.  Like making it to the playoffs is somehow going to get the Vikings into the Super Bowl! ha

    Allen Barra at the Daily Beast had this to say about sportscasters:

    Every time I hear a football commentator make a lunk-headed statement, I wonder whether he studied at the Ditka School of Broadcasting. Joe Buck, for instance, on Fox Sunday before the New York Giants played the Carolina Panthers:  “You have to do well on third downs.” Well, yes, you do, because you’ve only got three downs in which to do something before you either punt or try to kick a field goal. But if you “do well” on first down and second down–or at least do better than your opponent–you don’t have to worry as much about third downs.


    He also discusses other retarded statements that you will hear many times over a single broadcast of a football game.

    Football Is a Physical Game

    I gather that football is a physical game. Barra points out that the members of the team dedicated to the front line each weigh in at about 320 pounds. The sounds that reach us over the airwaves these days are so sharp that you are able to hear every contact on the field. And you also hear the groaning of the players during and following each and every collision between these giants.  

    Chemistry Is Important

    Barra points out that you will hear the play by play men speak of chemistry amongst the players. It is a stupid metaphor as far as I am concerned but it is based upon the fact that if you mix a beaker of A with a beaker of B you will end up with some chemical reaction and a substance that is more than just A & B.

    So as the metaphor goes, a good pass receiver combined with a good quarterback gives you more than just a receiver and a quarterback.

    Of course where real chemistry comes into relevance here has to do with the players themselves. In order to build a monster that can play on that front line, many substances must be used. These Frankenstein monsters have bigger frames and heartier musculature through better chemistry.

    The Team With the Best Defense Wins

    Barra’s play by play on all of this can be rather humorous:

    If ex-players often seem nebulous, coaches can sound as if they have a head full of concrete. Mike Ditka, who doesn’t seem to have had a new idea about football since Fred Flintstone strapped on his helmet for the Green Bay Pachyderms, said on ESPN before Sunday’s Detroit Lions-Chicago Bears game that, “The team that plays the best defense is going to win this one.” This is the kind of prediction that sounds intelligent because it can never been wrong. The team that plays the better defense–in terms of giving up the fewest points–always wins, and sure enough, Ditka’s former team, “Da Bears,” gave up only 14 points to the Lions’ 19.

    John Madden of course is my favorite color commentator of all time.

    But as I read Barra’s little essay, it occurred to me that the same type of criticism can be made of cable news programs and Sunday Meet the Press type programs. The statements made by the guests are bad enough, but the ‘take’ of the pundits is miserable to say the least.

    I think the powers that be in the MSM should ‘shake it up’ a bit.

    Now Madden, with his own Super Bowl ring as a one time football coach, has retired from broadcasting.

    But I think they should bring him back as a color commentator following the normal Sunday news interviews. I mean put the guy right on the ABC panel with George Will and Robert Reich. It would go something like this, I should think:

    George Will: The Democrats are in terrible straights and in my humble opinion, the Republicans will take over the House of Representatives as well as the Senate and they will SHUT DOWN THIS HORRENDOUS FEDERAL GOVERNMENT. You realize that Federal Papers #45 & #64 specifically state that the powers not enumerated.....

    John Madden: Well the Senate has a hundred ‘seats’ as they say—although they really mean that it takes 100 butts to fill the chairs in the Senate Chamber.  Can I say butts on these kind of shows? Hahahahaahahhahahha Anyway…

    But it says here on this card; the card they gave me that there are 37 Senate seats up for grabs—as they say in the gallery hahahahah—and the linky thingy says that amounts to 19 Democratic butts and 18 Republican butts.

    Now so far the dems are dropping balls all over the place. And the republicans are moving their balls down toward the end zone; even though they aint much for gay things.

    Now if I were a dem leader, well I would not settle for some quarterback sneak…no, no, no

    What I would demand is a V shaped offensive line—of course the dems have to get the ball back first because having an offensive line stratagem is just not going to work at all without the ball.

    Now now now the dems have to take that ball down the field cause after four downs it just gets turned over to the other side.

    And you have to hold on to the ball while you are proceeding toward that end zone.

    George Will: Actually I am a baseball fan. And I believe that this country cannot get back to basics unless and until the Republicans bring in a good reliever and I mean a good reliever not one of those temps that the White Sox or Red Sox bring up from the minors because their main relievers are suffering from fatigue during the last 20 game stretch of the season and….

    Peggy Noonan: Well I am in a womens’ softball league. We have soooo very much fun….

    Robert Reich: Will you shut the frick up bitch?

    John Madden: But once you get into that end zone, I mean not way into the end zone but but but but but just over the line that separates the field from the end zone cause you know that once you break that invisible wall with the ball in your protective custody—I like that word because it sounds, well it sounds legal and stuff—you get points and you cannot win a football game without points and the democrats need points desperately.

    Well you get the idea. I am so damn sick of hearing the same tired crap from the ‘pundits’ on MSNBC (except for Ed and Keith and Rachel of course).

    Oh the dems are going down oh the dems are going to lose control of both Houses of Congress unless the dems only lose the House of Representative and keep a 51 seat majority…..blah blah blah

    Christine O’Donnell is a very bad choice for repub candidate cause people are liberal in Delaware….

    Oh the dems could lose California and West Virginia and Delaware but if they win those states …..

    This all gets so very tedious at times. I swear you can piece together better information from a cheap set of encyclopedias.


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    I'd like to see a Reich v. Noonan smackdown.

    Nothing sexist, no mud wrestling or other kinky intent, I'd just like to see Noonan kick Reich's teensy tiny butt.

    Cause Noonan's BIG, right? Tall. Like, she's something like 6' 3", maybe 6' 4". And what's Reich? 5' 0"? 4' 11"? Man, I'd pay to see that.

    Then maybe George Will could pull the old switcheroo, and smack Peggy back of the head with one of those breakaway chairs. 

    Like Dick says, this whole Talking Head thing needs a make-over. They just talk shit anyway.

    Maybe do a Witchcraft thing with McDonnell. And human sacrifice that bald dude from Louisiana. 

    Now this witchcraft stuff, I always kind of saw Peggy with that nose twitch/tweak? really performing white magic or pink magic. Boy when she starts musing of ronnie, frankly I pull a Boehner.

    i dunno.  i'd like to see them mudwrestling.  especially reich and will. 

    When Will takes off his glasses he kind of looks like a character on the cartoon network.  No I take that back, he still looks like a cartoon character.

    well dick.  anonymous is actaully me up there.  hiya.  nice post. but i cleared out my history and bookmarks and everything i could get rid of over the weekend to unclog the system, and i forgot i'd need to log back in here after that.  good to see ya.


    I knew it was a friend though. I will start some long rant in a comment on tpmaholics and then it tells me I am not signed in. So I just sign it dick and go ahead as anonymous. They all know what happened. hahaha

    Definitely .... Sunday talk needs Madden! Insights like "You can't win elections without getting the most votes" or "The important role of messaging is to get a politicians message out there." will certainly be a welcome increase in the depth of analysis.

    And midgets! WWE focus groups show midgets are wildly popular with the younger crowd ... and let's face it, with an average viewer age of 96 Sunday Talk has approximately 7.4 months before it's entire viewership finds itself permanently otherwise engaged. Another sad fact that must be faced is that a Noonan-Reich mudmatch just won't cut it to bring in the youngs - anything involving Noonan and mud would likely turn an entire generation of otherwise happy, well adjusted, fully hetero examples of our finest youthful manhood utterly and irretrievably ... GAY. With the 40 year arc that repealing DADT is currently on - such a result would leave our entire nation defenseless for several decades.


    You hit it on the nose there KGB. hahaahahahahahahah

    If you have less votes than the other gal, well it looks looks looks like like like you might lose unless there is some sort of recount......blah blah blah. hahahahaahah

    Dude. You wanted midgets. I gave you Reich. 

    What's the problem here?

    You know those height thingies they have at carnavels? I mean you have to be 'this high' in order to be accepted on a ride?

    We KGB, he likes to dress up as Destor and he makes sure you have to be at the exact hieght in order to get into the ring, so to speak.

    Now Libertine, that guy knows how to get high. But I digress!!

    Of course I dress as Destor! He has the awesomest wardrobe EvAr. Of course, I'm always so distracted by how damn good I look - everyone rides the rollercoaster on my watch!  (the car generally picks up Libertine somewhere near the top of the first major incline).

    Pretty sexist, kgb.  One step forward and two steps back.  but i guess you can't keep yourself from falling into this kind of crap can you?

    And just to put it in perspective, how'd you and the rest of your ilk guffawing here feel if I talked about how the sight of all the miniscule members on Reich and Will and the rest of blowhards would really swell the numbers of the sisterhood?  What's the use, the girls'd say.  Right?  What a hoot.  Turn a whole generation of nubile young things GAY!

    Think that'd be an appropriate point to add to the discussion?


    That's tellin him. hahahah

    Just as you can't help yourself from turning everything meta it seems. And I'd term this as more mildly homophobic (if you ignore the DADT dig) than sexist if you must classify my non-PCness.

    And hell yes that would be an appropriate point to add to the discussion! This whole thread is tongue-in-cheek. Frankly, it would make me think you were witty - although, someone would have needed to propose a "Kazakh sword fight" or something in order for it to make any sense  - otherwise why would anyone encounter both teeny weenies? So based on the thread, you'd probably need to do a bit of setup on your own to avoid a great big helping of FAIL. I see you are still working on learning the whole humor thing - keep trying you'll get it.

    If this really offends you, take my advice and NEVER watch Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert (or anything else on comedy central ... you know they actually have people who tell jokes using the "N" word over there sometimes ... gasp).

    when you're in a hole, champ, you know you should stop digging.


    It's all about turnout! Whoever gets the most voters to show up at the polls - BOOM! - they'll win this one!

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