Yep, I'm obese. It's such an ugly word. It's hard for me to write it. I prefer overweight, but by definition, since I weigh more than 20% more than I should, obese is the correct term. At 5' 3" I should weigh about 125. So any more than 150, and I'm there. I'm so embarrassed I can't even tell you the exact figure, so let's just say I have more than 25 and less than 75 to lose.

I am a health conscious person. I do not smoke, and drink lightly. And I am not sedentary. How did this ever happen to me?

My mother was hugely overweight for as long as I can remember. I felt so sorry for her. Trying on clothes was a major ordeal. She never looked good in anything, and I can remember thinking to myself "it's okay Mom, I love you anyway..."  Back in those days I don't think I realized that the fried bread and canned frosting on saltines we ate before Dad got home (and hid the evidence in the outside trash) were responsible for both her weight problem and the beginnings of my awful eating habits. All I knew was that I was a skinny kid, and no matter what, I'd NEVER be fat. By the time she died at the age of 63 (it was an accidental death - not weight related) she weighed about 325 and required a special casket. By then I was already clinically "obese."  You would have thought that the need for a special casket would have sent me for a needle and thread to sew my lips shut.

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. When I was still a skinny person, I knew I had the genes, that nurtured properly, would lead me into a life of obesity, but hey, I was thin, I could eat whatever I wanted and never gain weight, so what the heck? And besides, cheese and french fries for dinner followed by a hand-packed pint of Baskin and Robbins  (1/2 chocolate mint, 1/2 jamoca almond fudge) was soooo much fun!

Fast forward a few years...After the babies were born and that weight lost, I hit 30 and the descent into obesity began in earnest. I had awful eating habits and it was finally beginning to show. I began an exercise program, but the eating habits stayed the same. I never ate breakfast, and rarely lunch. I didn't start feeling hungry until mid-afternoon, when I'd eat whatever was fast and handy. Then I'd graze the rest of the day and into the night. No 5 cheeseburgers, or anything so obvious...just nibbling. Constant nibbling. Even becoming a vegetarian didn't effect the weight issue.

Every once in awhile I'd get sick of myself and diet the weight off, never quite getting to where I wanted to be, but close, then I'd gain it all back...again and again and again. Each time the top weight got a little higher, as did the lower.

Now, I'm not a stupid person. I get that what I put in my mouth has a direct correlation to the fat on my butt. I could write the book about what to eat, when to eat it. I eat almost all organic food, and very little junk food. And if you want to compare calories, I doubt that I eat as many in a day as you do anymore. I have just lost and gained my way into metabolic hell. At this point my body could turn a banana into a pound of fat. But, even at that, if I upped my exercise, cut back just a bit on the intake and spread the calories out over the whole day instead of cramming them into a few hours, I could get the metabolism going and get this issue licked once and for all.

So why is it so hard? I've come to the conclusion that I don't have a weight problem, I have a self care problem that manifests itself through weight (borrowed that from Oprah!) But self care is something I can address if I want to badly enough. 

What about those others who either don't get it because of lack of education or are too poor to buy fresh foods, so they eat off the high fat, high salt, high sugar value menu at their local fast food place, or just live in an area where fresh foods are hard to find? What about the ones that are so stressed out that their only comfort is food? If this weight thing is so hard for me, I can only imagine how difficult it must be for them!

Let's face it, for many food is an addiction just as powerful as nicotine or drugs, or alcohol. But, you can't just stay away from food. Somehow you have to make peace with it. And that, combined with our sedentary lifestyles is a disaster in the making.

With obesity comes dangerous health issues that could easily sink the whole health care situation in America if it is not addressed. A whopping amount of money is spent each year in treating weight related diseases.  I am still healthy right now. But eventually, if I don't get my weight down, I WILL become a drain on the system. It only makes sense that regardless of whether we get single pay, insurance reform or more of the status quo, this issue is going to have to be dealt with, and hopefully before a staggering number of people, including way too many children, develop the diseases.

So once again we are back to the issue of personal responsibility. I can't make our leaders support single pay, or force them to reform the insurance industry, or make people be doctors so we don't have to ration care. But I CAN take responsibility for myself, get this weight off and do my part to consume fewer of our health care assets so they can be available for those who REALLY need them. And, I can model healthy eating habits for my grandchildren.

I hope all the rest of you who are obese (or even just overweight) or are abusing your bodies in equally destructive ways (ummmm smoking comes to mind) will join me in starting a more healthful way of living, in preparation for whatever the new health care program is going to be.

And Lis, I didn't eat the cookie!