Recently overheard at the offices of the SEC:

What in the hell are you doing Amesly?

Uh, nothing...I mean not nothing...I mean I dropped some coffee on me private parts Govner and I was just polishing it...er...wiping it off.

Well why don't we put old willie away and get back TO FUCKING WORK!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRK5vLUYLmg

What in the hell were you working on before the fall..the fall of your cup so to speak?

Well Mr. Fox I was examining the bundling of derivatives at Goldman vis-à-vis the recent activities at BOA and its effect upon the recent rise in the housing market as reported by the National Realtors' Association.

Amesly, I should have stayed in the marketing department Lysol Douche. Do you realize that if Grassley had not sent in that recommendation, I would be making 300 thou a year? Damn. Now clean yourself up and get back to work. What the fuck is a derivative anyhow?

Overheard at the local 7-11 somewhere in Tuscaloosa:

Hyram, these SEC guys, they don't give no goddamn about these Wall Street Fellers. Hell, they just jackin off all the live long day. No worry bout folks like you and me. They're nothing but a bunch of douche bags if you ask me.

Shut the fuck up there Coonsy and finish putting those damn Slim Jims back. And don't you take none of them 'free bites' either you skunk!!!

The financial industry may not be the only thing that needs regulating in this country. A new report, by the Securities and Exchange Commission's internal watchdog, has revealed that some of the high-level regulators spent more time on porn websites than overseeing Wall Street. Thirty-one employees from the SEC, appointed to sheriff the financial industry, were found to be serious offenders, with 17 of those being senior SEC officers with six-digit salaries. One senior attorney spent up to eight hours a day accessing Internet porn, while another accountant tried to access porn sites 1,800 times in two weeks. Coincidentally, the report notes that many of these cases began just as the financial system began to tank.  http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheat-sheet/?cid=hp:cheatsheet5#cheatrow_15653

The Securities and Exchange Commission is supposed to be the sheriff of the financial industry, looking for financial crimes like Bernard Madoff's Ponzi scheme. But the new report, obtained by ABC News, says senior employees of the SEC spent hours on the commission's computers looking at sites like naughty.com, skankwire, youporn, and others.

The investigation, which was conducted by the SEC's internal watchdog at the request of Sen. Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa, found 31 serious offenders over the past two and a half years. Seventeen of the offenders were senior SEC officers with salaries ranging from $100,000 to $222,000 per year. 

http://abcnews.go.com/WN/sec-pornography-employees-spent-hours-surfing-porn-sites/story?id=10451508&page=1

The report says that eight officials in the royalty program accepted gifts from energy companies whose value exceeded limits set by ethics rules -- including golf, ski and paintball outings; meals and drinks; and tickets to a Toby Keith concert, a Houston Texans football game and a Colorado Rockies baseball game.

The investigation also concluded that several of the officials "frequently consumed alcohol at industry functions, had used cocaine and marijuana, and had sexual relationships with oil and gas representatives."   http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/11/washington/11royalty.html

You get up every morning
At the office get your PC warming
And you just cant wait to see the titties
And my Johnson's up to snuff
Stock portfolios are not enuff
And the girls on line are so pretty

And if your servers on line
You can start feelin fine
Even when you are just to ugly to get laid
Wall Street is never really annoyed
Look at me I'm Government-employed
I love to work at nothing all day

And I'll be...
[Refrain]
Taking care of business every day
Taking care of business every way
I've been taking care of business, it's all mine
Taking care of business and working overtime
Work out!

Gettin' bribes is like fishin'
You can get what you're wishin'
If you refuse to do what you're paid for
Get a real life job
And you can polish off your knob
Or go to Barbados with the mobsters

People see you having fun
Just a-lying in the sun
Tell them that you like it this way
It's the work that we avoid
And we're all Government employed
We love to work at nothing all day

And we be...
[Refrain]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJprEyXMrIk

And people wonder how a porn star can run for Congress

WHAT DO THESE BASTARDS WANT ANYWAY? I went to rehab and even quit smoking. My wife does not understand me!