It's been a really weird day and a half. Things changed drastically for me after I'd read Emperor Tiny Fists inaugural address. The carnage was apparent as I approached the bus stop to go to the Womyn's March in Seattle. The carnage was real, I stepped over bodies as I ran to the unprotected bus stop. I knew I had to stop at a Walmart and get a shotgun because bears often attack us near public schools. It's a known fact grizzly, and brown bears crave a public education. After that, I made my way to the Army Surplus store to get some body armor because of all the carnage in the city! Every single day it's like NCIS LA out there. We've all seen it, we just didn't know we saw it. Alternative Facts people, you don't know, no one does.

I learned some stuff yesterday, some really important stuff, Baghdad Sean was ready for those horrible press people who seem unaware of the dystopian mess American cities have become. He pounced, he would show them. "This was the most attended inauguration ever, it was yuge," his voice was strong and proud, he knew the truth! "The media is lying about this well-attended event, this is the most popular man to ever be elected to the Presidency in what can only be referred to as a landslide election! California sucks and they aren't real Americans anyway!!" He clicked his heels as he reeled in the direction taking no questions at his first ever press conference. His face was red with pride, he knew he owned them.   

In a building not too far from the Whitehouse Pressroom, a camera turned towards our new President William J Lepetomane  Biff Tannen, President of the United States of America. He wants to talk to his biggest fans, undoubtedly those Nazi Lying CIA employees, to rail against the media for lying about all the people who came to his inauguration and the evil, terrible, no good lying media. He is popular! 

Tokyo KellyAnn went directly to Meet the Press to make sure everyone knows that alternative facts could be facts and Baghdad Sean is right about the lying press! She wants us to know our real enemy is the fake news peddling press. The media always lies about size! Size doesn't matter, it's how you use it, or so I've heard.  It's going to be the best four years, yuge, no other four years will be better than this!