A kid by the name of Alex Pasternak (who has kudos already as a journalist and has had gigs with many periodicals including the Christian Science Monitor. But geeez, you'd figure with a last name like that he had a lot of doors open for him at the outset.  I mean I got the entire editorial page once at the U  and it took me 40 years to get on TPMCafe.) snagged a great little story for The Daily Beast with a dateline of yesterday.  It turns out that Biden's first wife Neilia taught at a school called BellevueHeightsSchool. 

You all recall the history of the youngest man to ever sit as a U. S. Senator. A few days before he was to take the oath of office, he lost his wife in a car accident. Ted Kennedy and others prevailed upon him to begin his first term while he awaited the outcome of the hospitalization of his injured sons--who are doing quite well over 35 years later. 

So, VP Joe visited BellevueElementary School in Syracuse to speak to some fifth graders, in honor of his first wife.  (Can you tell my eyes well up as I ponder such things. So many evil people out there like his predecessor. So many other people who have things handed to them with no consequences like w.)

The first cherub wanted to know what grampa Joe did for a living:

"What do I do for a living? What I do for a living," Biden flashed a grin. "That's a good question. I used to be a lawyer, going to courtrooms lots of times. What I do now is I try to help out the country--with the president--and try to make sure we can end the wars that are going on, and make sure all of you kids get the best education... I do a lot of things. I want the press to know," he chuckled, "what do I do for a living.

Next, one student asked if he had ever pet a dog. Biden compared his dog, a German shepherd named Champ, to Bo, the Obamas' Portuguese water dog, a gift from Ted Kennedy.

"My dog is smarter than his dog," he boasted. "But," he added, in a true political concession, "Bo's a beautiful dog."

He acknowledged that the president--whose name the kids proudly shouted when asked--was a "really a cool guy... really a smart guy." At times, though, Biden seemed determined to prove to the kids that he was pretty awesome, too. "The president thinks my house is nicer than his," he said of his digs at the U.S. Naval Observatory. "No, for real he does. It's 75 acres in the middle of Washington."

When another boy wondered if Biden had ever slept on his airplane, the vice president spotted another opportunity to impress. "Guess what? I got a pretty cool plane," he enthused. Air Force Two "is not quite as big [as Air Force One], but it does have a place at the front of the plane where I go on really long journeys--like when I go to Afghanistan, or I recently went to Chile, in South America, or when I go to Germany--there's a cabin in the front with a couch, and the couch can roll out into a bed."

Nobody in my neighborhood had any money," he recalled of his own childhood in Pennsylvania and Delaware. "We didn't have any money. My dad lost his job. Don't think because you don't have money, or don't have a daddy around, or you may not be in a position where anyone around you has nice things, that there's nothing you can't do. That's what I came to tell you."

Biden also recalled his successful struggle against stuttering--and even imitated his old stutter for good measure. "I used to t-t-t-alk like-ke-ke that," he said. "I learned to be a fighter."

Seriously, how can anyone not like this Joe, this anything but an ordinary Joe?

But what a good more experienced journalist might have known that this Pasternak missed was that visiting elementary schools is a normal function of the Vice Presidency.  Yes, indeedy. Vice Presidents have been performing such functions for decades.

Why just last year the U. S. Vice President visited the Happy All white Elementary School in Northern Maryland.  The Veep, as we all like to call him, sauntered into the classroom just after noon. That had given the Secret Service time to search the entire premises and escort four students with Arab sounding names to some secret detention center.

With that wonderful, sort of half smile the Veep had back then, he addressed the class:

Now you kids understand that I can only stay here for seven minutes because I am the most important person on this earth that you'll ever meet.  Gnarl gnarl gnarl.

Now of course, I am holding the questions here because you were asked to write down the question for my review.

Dottie, whose Dottie?

A sweet little girl raised her hand.

What the fuck do you care about how big my plane is? I am an important person. Its none of your business and it is against the Laws of National Security for me to discuss such things.  SHAME ON YOU.

Mr. Vice President Sir, when did you decide that you wanted to be Vice-President? A blue-eyed boy inquired.

When I first offered myself for the position, I told the President-Elect, I will only do this if you make sure we are a team and WE PAY OUR GOOD FRIENDS BACK.  What do ya think about that George, I said. Which reminds me, yous kids, never, never, NEVER take no for an answer. Just keep grabbing and grabbing that power and those monies before the minorities get em!!!

The Veep continued, Little Donald inquires: What does a Vice President do Sir?

Well, glad you asked that. I spent my entire life fighting Commies, Terrorists and Liberals. That is what I do all day. And all of you should do the same.

A little girl raised her hand.

Yer supposed to wait until I call on you, but go ahead.

I am Samantha and I want to know, what are the Bill of Rights?

Well I am not that glad you asked that stupid questions, but someone has to combat the propaganda that threatens to destroy this country. The Bill of Rights (The Veep began to snarl even worser than before) was a silly little addition to the Constitution to get our country approved. Slave-holders wanted to secure certain rights for rich people.  So if the Governor of Virginia said something bad about the president, he would not go to jail. At least right away.  Now Liberals use this 'bill' to try to argue that poor people and minorities have some sort of rights or something. What a bunch of hooey. THIS COUNTRY WAS NOT BUILD ON RIGHTS. IT WAS BUILT BY ARMS AND THE WHITE MAN!!!!

Now I will read the next question from...er...Ahmud?  Where's Ahmud. A little boy raised his hand in the back of the room.  Calling to the Secret Service our Veep said: Tom, take this terrorist away.  And take the teacher too. I mean, what the hell is an Ahmud doing in a decent school.?

Who will be our next president is the next question from Dicky.  Where's Dicky? 

A small boy in the front stands.

Well Dicky, let me tell you something. If the republican is elected, this country will be on its way to conquering the entire damn world. Got that?  And if that dark guy Democrat wins, well its ALL OVER.

I mean you kids will all end up on the street without any food, without any beds and without any hope of any kind. And when nuclear war begins, well, you will not even have a desk to protect you.

With that, all the children began wailing and crying.

The Veep and his retinue left the premises.

What a difference a year makes? Do you not agree?