Two tapes were sent to 'The Pajama Blogs' and reached me by
mistake.
I thought I might share parts of them with you.
March 10, 2004
I WANT TURDTACO IN
THIS HERE OFFICE PRONTO!!!!!
So rang the message from the Oval Office. He was
particularly worried about
the state of things:
AND I WANT TURD
BLOSSEM IN HERE ALSO;
Well it was rover who first came lapping in, pursing his
lips and panting at the same time.
Rover, I just went
over some history here. You know what history is rover.
History is a
reiteration of what might have taken place at some time prior.
But these days,
there are video tapes and audio tapes.
Yes sir Mr. President,
but as you know we deny those just as well and it seems to work. We have Fox
News right now...
Turdblossem, now cut
that out. They've been atellin me that
there are otherstations out there on the cable thingy that do not cut and
splice like Fox and sometimes, I think you just leave their channel on in this
oval office in order to shield me from reality. As a matter of fact, you have
fixed so that I can't even CHANGE THE GODDAMN CHANNEL. Can't you at least get
that Maytag
repair guy in here to fix this?
But Mr. President, Fox
has not only promised me a job once we are finished but you can also....
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND
LISTEN TO THESE PAST QUOTES I MADE THAT ARE ALREADY ON RECORD. QUOTES I MADE
READING YOUR
NOTES:
"Under the new law, officials may
conduct court-ordered surveillance of all modern forms of communication used by
terrorists." 10/27/01
"Now, by the way, any time you hear
the United States government talking about wiretap,
it requires - a wiretap requires a court order. Nothing has changed, by
the way. When we're talking about chasing down terrorists, we're talking
about getting a court order before we do so."4/20/04
"...FISA is for long-term
monitoring. What is needed in order to protect the American people is the
ability to move quickly to detect.
Now, having suggested this idea, I
then, obviously, went to the question, is it legal to do so? I am -- I
swore to uphold the laws. Do I have the legal authority to do this?
And the answer is, absolutely. As I mentioned in my remarks, the legal
authority is derived from the Constitution, as well as the authorization of
force by the United States Congress." 12/19/05
"When FISA was passed in
1978, there was no widely accessible Internet, and almost all calls were made
on fixed landlines. Since then, the nature of communications has changed,
quite dramatically. The terrorists who want to harm America can now buy disposable cell phones,
and open anonymous e-mail addresses. Our laws need to change to take
these changes into account." 9/7/06 http://impeachforpeacemarshall.org/surveillance.htm
These quotations of my
speechifications make me look bad everywhere BUT Fox. And this Hume guy aint
gonna be on much longer. You know I always liked his deep deep voice, reminded
me of gramps in the old days when I used to ride the pony.......but I digress...
Oh, I remember writing those Mr.
President. You know I got a lot of the materials from '24' and even Law &
Order. Ah those were the days indeed Mr. President...we never had sex with
those wiretaps.....hahaha.....
SHUT THE FUCK UP TURDBLOSSEM.
Jeeeeeeeeez
Gonzo approaches the holy sepulcher with trepidation.
Gonzo what the fuck is this then?
Would you care to read this aloud to turdblossom:
Title 50 - War and
National Defense, Chapter 36 - Foreign Intelligence Surveillance,
Subchapter I - Electronic Surveillance, sec. 1801.
Definitions (h) (4)
"...with respect to any electronic surveillance approved pursuant to section 1802
(a) of this title, procedures that require that no contents
of any
communication to which a United States person is a party shall be disclosed,
disseminated, or used for any purpose or retained for
longer than 72 hours
unless a court order under section 1805 of this title is obtained or unless the
Attorney General determines that the information indicates a threat of death or
serious bodily harm to any person."
sec. 1809. Criminal sanctions
(a) Prohibited activities
A person is guilty of an offense if he intentionally--
- engages
in electronic surveillance under color of law except as authorized by
statute; or
- discloses
or uses information obtained under color of law by electronic
surveillance, knowing or having reason to know that the information was
obtained through electronic surveillance not authorized by statute.
Now you told me you went to law school
and everything. I mean I put you on the goddamn Texas Supreme Court for Chrissakes. Where did
this come from?
But we researched that, Gonzo said
with more trepidation. We researched this
and gave you a 500 page memo and stuff.
I never saw no 500 page memo...
But sir, you told me you had no such
time for such nonsense and to 'hone it down' as it were so I reduced it to 20
pages and then you..........
You know Gonzo, you are even dumber
than you look. Now listen here Yoo just told me that 'they' are going to change
the law, change a law...
But I only just got here sir, I...
YOO you idiot, John Yoo
Oh...Gonzo was worried there for a
second. I mean sometimes w just goes into this kind of haze kind of thing and
speaks with his heavenly father and stuff and
loses complete track of what is
really happening.
So I want you Gonzo to get your but
over to the hospital. I mean it looks like we got a few hours and the laws that
we are not following anyway are going to
revert. Now Yoo said revert, so what I
think he means is that these laws or AUTHORIZATIONS as he calls them aspire
soon...
You mean 'expire' do you not Mr.
President...
SHUT THE FUCK UP
Now we have some Commie guy running
the Justice Department. A commie in
my administration and he said he aint gonna
sign no more illegal papers. Ha!!! Who in the hell does he think he is talking
to anyway. And beside Dicky just told me what was legal and what was not legal.
What we need is the mighty penmanship
of Ashcroft. He aint no commie.
Get your ass down to that hospital
with a pen and one of those extension
documents and get that goddamanable
Ashcroft to SIGN OFF AND I MEAN
SIGN OFF RIGHT NOW.
Yes sirree bob Mr. President. I am at
your command...with that Gonzo
turdtaco ran from the room as if on wings of ...
well you get my drift.
THE HOSPITAL
Mueller,
who also was rushing to the hospital, spoke by phone to the security
detail
protecting Ashcroft, ordering them not to allow Card or Gonzales to
eject Comey
from the hospital room. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/15/AR2007051500864_2.html
Gonzo arrived out of breath with the Card. And 'they' would not allow the
two into the hospital room. The dynamic duo had to wait for Mueller to show up.The Attorney General of the United States
lay in the intensive care unit, his gallbladder had just been removed the day
before due a case of gallstone pancreatitis.
Gonzo and good ole Andy Card were present at the boob coverer's bedside, in
an attempt to give him their support--as well as a pen and some signature
sheets.
Deputy Attorney General Comey as well as FBI Director Robert S. Mueller III were also present. As was Mrs. Ashcroft.
You are looking pretty good there
General, Alberto began as Andy looked on with one of those pleasant smiles
like he had just emptied his bowels a short time earlier, and oooooooooooh how
good that felt.
((*$$*)))(**^^&%$$##@@!@##&&(
replied the boob wrapper.
(Translated: Go fuck yourself you illegal alien)
Why thank you General. Very kind of
you to say so.
*&*^&*%$#@ Ashcroft added.
(Rough translation--well you really do not want to know, let me tell you)
Now we kind of found ourselves in a
discombobulation here General, why don't you tell em Andy.
As the Director of the Federal Bureau
of Investigation, I am telling both of your TO BACK OFF.
We are here under the direct order of
the President of the United States Director Mueller and...
Fine, I warned you, and I want you to
know that I am a witness here...pulling out his handy recorder and putting it on
the water table...and this man is not compus Mentus...
Well General, we are here to see that
justice is done. You remember that fine statue of liberty and justice you had
draped with that fine gown General...Well George W wanted us to come down and
just see that you were ok and everything. And this here paper well papers were
developed to keep that cover on our fine statue of justice and.........
Who the fuck are you kidding Gonzo...Deputy
Attorney General Comey spoke up.
You think this is some kindergarten
class on Fox News? This is reality and this man is sick and I have the order
right here......SEE IT YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER......making me Acting Attorney General
until Attorney
General Ashcroft says otherwise.......
Now boys, can't we all just get along?
Andy liked to say that a lot. He never really knew what it meant but it was one
of those happy expressions he would use all the time...and then give that
wonderful smile that had gotten him to the place he now enjoyed.
Fine. Go ahead Andy. BUT I REMIND YOU
ONCE AGAIN AS THE CHIEF LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER OF THE UNITED STATES OF
AMERICA, that I stand here as a witness to this ruse. With that Mueller sat
down.
Well General, as I was saying before I
was so rudely interrupted, we find ourselves in quite a mess here and...
*&*&%$%#@#$%# (Translated as I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME GENERAL YOU TWIT)
I agree General, most heartedly.
Did you hear that Director, he wishes
to be heard and you are trying to cut off important communication here, Gonzo
said as liason Attorney for the President....whatever that means.
All of a sudden the corpse sat up, stunning everyone:
I AM NOT THE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE
UNITED STATES RIGHT NOW; HE IS, pointing to Deputy Attorney General Comey.
I kind of have received that statement
loud and clear Gonzo and so did my recorder, exclaimed Mueller.
And with that the 'meeting' kind of dissolved.
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