What they’ll find, he said, is exactly what voters here are hungry for.

“I’m confident that when they do, they’ll find one person who — maybe I’m not the flashiest person, I may be a little boring when it comes to, because I’m consistent,” he said. “My record isn’t swiss cheese. I mean it’s solid, it’s a solid block of cheese.”

Santorum insisted he’s just the kind of boring Iowa likes.

I wrote a comment and the words cannot leave me.

You know how you write a thought and think: hell, I can walk away now!

No I had dreams about this comment.

So here goes!

There is a metaphorical war going on out there (and I shall define that term later on).

The war is between the haves and the have-nots.

But what is really depressing is that it is a war between the really really haves and the really really Have-nots.

And propaganda works!

I just viewed the film 'Crash' for at least the fourth year in a row. It is one of seventeen movies I have to watch every year now.

I recall that Ebert loved it, that some folks were pissed that Brokeback Mountain did not receive such acclaim.

But I Wikied the issue and it turns out that Crash was filmed for six mill with another mill dedicated to advertisement. And it eventually 'earned' 100 mill and probably a lot more in cable fees and videos and whatever. (How in the fuck do you make a video based upon Crash?)

The reason the film was so successful was that the Hollywood bigwigs; the stars of the day; just said 'yes'. You cannot get the stars of this film for a hundred grand APIECE! I would bet that Frazier and Holly and the rest of this super cast simply dedicated their small (not small to an idiot like me) wages to some charitable fund. Kind of like Tiger Woods who has never received a dime from his $200,000,000.00 in tournament winnings!

Catch this movie if you can and catch it again if you have only viewed it once or twice. Bigotry is in all of us and good is in all of us and we have trouble, as mortals, sometimes distinguishing between these two aspects of humanity!

At any rate, Santorum's cheese metaphor (or was it a mere simile?) brought many wonders to me in the dream realms of odors and milk products and European History and goats and cows and sheep and yaks and mean women.

I seldom find myself in agreement with the real anti-Christ (in my mind anyway) but I think he hit the nail on the head (of cheese anyway) when he proclaimed that he was a head of cheese with no holes in it.

So if we are to take Ricky's metaphor to heart, what might we conclude?

RON PAUL

Okay, recall when you were a child and had to visit Grandma and Grandpa in their small abode.

The stench was offal. The smell of old folks is usually unpalatable to a child. Because it is the odor of death!

Stale beer and boiled dinners and smelly pets and.....

Ever notice how poor ole Ron never raises his arms too high? When I was a kid I would remark about that behavior. Now I UNDERSTAND that problem.

Ron Paul reminds me of Thomas Jefferson's great cheese.

The cheese bore the Jeffersonian motto Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.

Basically all these farmers got together and made a statement. They combined all the milk from all the cow species under their dominion and made this great cheese pact (or is it pack?) and sent it to Tommy.

Jackson felt a kind of historical attachment to all of this!

And lately Ron Paul has been running as the Free Milk Candidate!

And almost every time I listen to some plea by Congressman Paul I immediately wonder:

WHO CUT THE CHEESE!

MITT ROMNEY

2) Brie - When you're know it as the best of all the French cheeses, you know it's got to taste good, and brie does not disappoint. The unbelievably creamy taste of brie in quite unique. Best used as an Hors d'oeuvre.

Mitt is kind of a Hors d'oeuvre when you think about it.

I mean, I am sure he was all for Freedom Fries at one time.

But when he and his wives and his 126 children get together, a bunch of women are fixing some Hors d'oeuvre.

He recently proved that he was a self-made head of cheese.

I didn’t keep any of it. ... So what Ann and I have is what we earned, and earned that in the private sector and didn’t make money in government,” Romney said. “I gave what they gave to me away, half to my kids and half to charity.

What a guy, what a bro and what a brie!

MICHELE BACHMANN

Michele my belle has to be considered a real American.

So my bet is that she belongs in the Velveeta category of fine cheeses.

Velveeta is the brand name of a processed cheese product having a taste that is identified as a type of American cheese with a texture that is softer and smoother. It was first made in 1918 by Swiss immigrant Emil Frey of the Monroe Cheese Company in Monroe, New York. In 1923...

Michele is American Made and she is made of an amalgam of right wing American products for sure. I mean there is no history with regards to her histories. There is no culture with regard to her cultural aspirations!

I mean Ms. Bachmann has just kind of amalgamated stories that she once heard in lectures from some third grade teacher, took them to heart and then found a Christian American Cheese Law School that would accept her idiocy in its credo!

This fine pretend cheese product can be put over some pasta product and fed to an entire family of 27, if you count the foster kids, for about $3.45 and all the while she could pocket hundreds of dollars every single week from some socialistic food fund!

Oh how I love America!

JOHN HUNTSMAN

John knows more than most that the government should promise no more than a huge block of aged cheese to the peasants.

This guy can ride motorcycles, breed his Morman Children, speak Chinese, get Idaho non-Mormans off of welfare, hand over government duties to shrewd business guys, keep human eggs sacred, keep the homeless off the streets and despise most Americans (since most Americans are poor after all) at the same time!

Tibetan Yak Cheese!

Now you can only get this gem in the half pound package. But it really really satisfies that yearning for Yak.

THE NEWT

Newton is a strange animal.

I mean he never really had an inheritance!

He ended up an army brat per his step father, since his real father took a second look at his mother and headed for the hills.

He began as a McPhearson and ended up as a Gingrinch.

We hear much about this waif's travels throughout the world (he never really did achieve a home as a child you know) but all we hear about concerns his many degrees. He is an historian after all with a PhD in:

Belgian Education Policy in the Congo: 1945-1960.

Well, what subject could be more appropriate to the age we live in. Especially since we have Kenyan Leader, right here in America?

Imagine – a country famous for chocolate and cheese! Despite its small size Belgium makes more than 300 distinct varieties of cheese, the same number as France. The reason they’re lesser known than the legendary cheeses from neighboring European countries? Belgian cheeses are made in very small quantities and rarely exported out of the country.

I mean fuck exports!

We must keep our cheese products to ourselves!

I have not much to add to all of this except that every time I am faced with cuts from these repub debates (Because I cannot due to my ill-health, watch them as they are relayed upon our airways) all I can think of is:

JESUS H. CHRIST, WHO CUT THE CHEESE?