Hi, my name is barefooted and I'm a politiholic.

(Hi, barefooted!)

It's been ages since my last confession but I've been meaning to ... what? Oh, that's a relief, you really don't need to hear all my sins. Some of them would curl your toes. Anyway, where was I? Right. Well, I suppose I should start at the beginning of my sordid descent into political hell ...

It all started when I was in elementary school. George McGovern was running for president, and I felt compelled to convince my classmates that Richard Nixon, his opponent, was dog meat. Of course, first I had to tell them that Nixon was also the President and there would be an election soon. Dog meat had to lose or something bad would happen to somebody somewhere. They didn't care about any of it - I should have realized then, at the tender age of nine, that I had a problem. When McGovern lost, I couldn't play for a week. But hey, I was right about Nixon.

Years passed, and I thought I had my obsession under control. Sure, I'd binge watch CNN late at night, in the dark with a pint of Ben and Jerry's during the hostage crisis, but I told myself that was okay as long as I held it together at work ... I learned sit-com plots to fit in. Then the so-called movie star got the glory when the hostages were released, just so the Shah could stick it to President Carter one last time. Reagan was King. I briefly relapsed, but I paid for the office television and kept a few friends.

I found myself on the internet reading about Iran-Contra while simultaneously watching the coverage of the hearings. I stopped taking showers - though thanks to dial-up and commercials I managed an occasional sponge bath. I was spiraling out of control, totally immersed in political subterfuge and the dizzying heights of governmental intrigue. I was a full-blown politiholic teetering on the edge of quoting Chris Mathews.

I quit for awhile. More than once ... honestly, I'm pretty sure I broke the record for the number of times a Democrat quit politics cold turkey. I read a poll on that somewhere. I got through the first Bush okay - turning away is much easier when boredom sets in - then when Bill Clinton was elected I was happy. It even occurred to me that maybe I'd been blowing it all out of proportion, making a big deal out of a simple interest in civics. I decided that quitting didn't work because I didn't have a problem. So I dived back in with gusto ... and for a while it was like the old days, when the drug was good. It was totally in my control, once and for all. Hmmm? I'm sorry, what? Yes, I did. How did you know?

Monica Lewinsky almost killed me. Bill Clinton lied to me, but I kept forgiving him because the right-wing conspiracy was a thing. I was confused by the meaning of "is" and blue dresses made me nauseous. I realized when Wolf Blitzer began appearing in my dreams that I had to make a desperate, drastic change. There was only one way to leave years of abuse in Democratic political hell behind me ... one insanely self destructive, soul-sucking way ...

I married a Republican. Three years later George W. Bush became President.

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you seek help. I spent seven years with George Bush and a Republican husband. If that doesn't qualify I can't imagine what satanic ritual would. So here I am with all of you, my fellow politiholics. Thanks to you I can freely admit my addiction without shame or remorse, live a life of involvement and social responsibility while maintaining a healthy dose of cynicism. I can discuss, debate, argue and agree with my friends and family without fear that they'll disown me. All because when no one else will listen, you will. And I promise to always listen to you when a good, solid rant is the fix you need. I'll even share my Ben and Jerry's.

What time is it, anyway? I've just been going on and ... OH MY GOD!! I'm missing RACHEL!!