I went to a garden party.
Rick Nelson wasn’t there.

My hostess was a woman,
A stranger to me I’m afraid.
I was dragged to this thing by my cousin’s wife
To benefit her Lady’s Aid

A fundraiser to generate money
We give till we can’t give no more
The cash is for widows and orphans
To keep them from banging at your door.

So, I said I would go to the stupid thing
I’m sorry now I spoke up
‘Cause the very last thing I needed to buy
Was an indestructible plastic cup.

I asked, “Can’t I just give them money?”
“Must I really buy some of this crap?”
Jenny gave me a look that spoke volumes.
”Well, I can tell you’ve done missed yer nap.”

She told me to go look at the flowers
On the tables decorated so nice
There were pumpkins and gourds and harvesty things
There was no need to tell me twice.

A perky young woman with freckles
Offered me something to drink
It was orange and had things floating in it
I poured it down the sink.

I don’t drink things festooned with floaters
I’ve always been funny like that
Unless, of course, it’s got alcohol
To kill germs that would want to attack

So I filled a wee plate with fresh veggies
I knew they would give me the gas
But I hoped I’d be far away from this place
When it was time to let the gas pass.

I sat down at one of the tables
And made conversation bland and polite
With a woman adorned by a hairdo
Better worn on a Halloween night.

Then I went and looked at the plastic
And debated on what I should buy
A thing that holds pickles and olives?
Or containers in endless supply?

I didn’t need or want either one
And though the displays were appealing
There was nothing there that took my fancy
The choices sent me reeling.

I looked for Jenny and found her
To ask her if it was time to go.
But she said, “Are you nuts?  Are you kidding?
“There’s games to play, don’t cha know!”

“Oh, shit!”  I said to myself.
No one said a thing about games before.
Just how much longer am I expected to suffer
Before I escape through the door?

“I’m not playing,” I said and sat down with a plop
Next to the lady with the scary hairdo.
“I don’t blame you,” the woman mumbled.
“I don’t play those damn games, too.”

So we sat and we talked about gardens
And how crappy the weather had been
While all the other ladies in the room
Passed an orange from chin to chin.

Finally, it was time to go.
I bought no Tupperware.
But left a donation with the Lady’s Aid
I was glad to get out of there!

Jenny was grumpy all the way home.
I was a Tupperware party pooper.
“This is the last time I’m bringing you!” she said.
“Woo hoo!” I thought, “ That’s super!”

You’d think that folks would know by now,
I’m not the afternoon tea party sort.
These attempts to try and civilize me
Have become somewhat of a sport.

They’ll always fail; they’ll never win
I like the way I am.
I like that I don’t play those games
Or buy things because I can.

I’m a Tupperware party pooper
But, please, don’t get me wrong
I’m not so anti-social
If the right party comes along.

If you’re gonna have a party
And invite me to join in
For cripe’s sake…play some music!
And pass around the gin.

This piece of bad poetry was the result of me being determined to have a bad time and succeeding. I will contend that I was tricked. I was told it was a fundraiser for a local women's shelter. Nobody said a damn word about Tupperware. I only learned the truth on the drive there.

So, yeah.... I was little grumpy. It's not that I hate Mr. Tupper or his over priced ware, it's just a principle I have that if an entity needs donated funds, just ask. Please don't try to entice me with 'incentives'.