Book of the Month

Richard Day's picture

PUNCH LINES!

 

If I could go to Ireland

I'd stroll down by the sea;

And all the people would say:

Top a the mornin'

To me!

                             (me-2nd grade)

 

Daisy Kincaid: Well then give me your definition of grammar!

Brady Kincaid: Rhythm; I suppose

                             (Leaves_of_Grass)

...from my cold, dead hands!

                             (Charlton-Heston)

 

(On the Upcoming Repub Convention and permitting weapons in Tampa.)

 

Conspicuously absent from the list of potential weapons: Firearms.

That’s because (Florida) law bans local governments from placing any restrictions on the carrying of guns in public spaces.

                              (Problems with the GOP convention in Florida.)

 

I believe that our joint work to create a flexible market-based regional cap and trade system could serve as an effective approach to meeting these goals.

We are the first state to enact a cap on CO2, implementing regulations that, by 2008, will reduce these emissions by 10%, removing 6,750 tons of Co2 per day...

I believe that our joint work to create a flexible market-based regional cap and trade system could serve as an effective approach to meeting these goals.

                               (Mitt Romney—not so long ago.)

 

I was thinking of this priest from the old days. He was extremely short and he was forced because of his height to stand on a stool when he made it to the pulpit.

 

This priest began one sermon with the words:

 

You will see me for a short while and in a short while you will see me no more.

 

He then proceeded to fall off of the stool!

 

                                  (Bishop Sheen)

The Church is a whore....but she is my mother!

                                  (Augustine)


"Not one hundred in the United States hate the Roman Catholic Church, but millions hate what they mistakenly think that the Roman Catholic Church is."

                                  (Fulton J. Sheen)

There are those who believe in God but not in religion, and those who believe in religion but not in God. ..

The forces set off by the big bang, the great redshifts and waves of radiation that send the galaxies and nebulas speeding apart from one another, are morally neutral. These forces do not know or care whether you are a Baptist, a snake handler, a Druze, or a Hindu.

People will believe anything!

                                  (Christopher Hitchens)

Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.

                                   (Ricky Santorum)

And one of the things, Ann Romney, that folks talk about with your husband, Mitt Romney, and I’ve seen him in casual conversation-He comes off very smooth and okay. But sometimes he comes off stiff. Do you have to fight back some criticism, like ‘My husband isn’t stiff, OK?’

I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out!

 

                                   (Ann Romney)

 

Q: I am frankly much more appalled by yesterday's Supreme Court decision that I could be strip-searched for a forgotten parking ticket than I am by the possible demise of the ACA. I'd rather live in a democratic third world country than in an advanced police state. What are your thoughts?

Eugene Robinson:

The strip-search ruling was stunning. Yet soon, the court will decide whether health care reform impinges too much on our freedom -- as if being strip-searched for a parking ticket does not.

                                     (Eugene Robinson)

 

He called some of the responses "disgusting" and "ridiculous." He read one tweet aloud: "Don Lemon, you are a racist. You are fixated on this one issue over and over. We want to hear the news, not your personal agenda. Go work for BET."

"That was the nice one," Lemon remarked. "He didn't call me the n-word."

                                      (Don-Lemon.)

 

 

Drawing on research from “Where’s the Birth Certificate?” and using a MacBook to display documents on a screen, Corsi charmed the crowd with his calm, professorial rhetoric and jokes while pointing out the portions of Obama’s birth certificate and selective service papers that he claimed were proof that the documents were forged. He used Abode Illustrator software to separate the layers of the birth certificate and zoomed in on what he described as inconsistencies that prove the documents “were forgeries, in fact, bad forgeries.”

Several of his observations were greeted with spirited applause, including one prediction that, as his he said his investigation revealed new facts, that “Obama may not be the Democratic Candidate in 2012.”

The noose is tightening for Obama,” he said.

                                      (Jerome Corsi)

 

My Franky, he's a good boy!

He no kill no cop!

 

                                      (Mom)

 

Often we search hard for words to define our opponents. Sometimes we are hesitant to use contrast. Remember that creating a difference helps you. These are powerful words that can create a clear and easily understood contrast. Apply these to the opponent, their record, proposals and their party.

  • abuse of power

  • anti- (issue): flag, family, child, jobs

  • betray

  • bizarre

  • bosses

  • bureaucracy

  • cheat

  • coercion

  • "compassion" is not enough

  • collapse(ing)

  • consequences

  • corrupt

  • corruption

  • criminal rights

  • crisis

  • cynicism

  • decay

  • deeper

  • destroy

  • destructive

  • devour

  • disgrace

  • endanger

  • excuses

  • failure (fail)

  • greed

  • hypocrisy

  • ideological

  • impose

  • incompetent

  • insecure

  • insensitive

  • intolerant

  • liberal

  • lie

  • limit(s)

  • machine

  • mandate(s)

  • obsolete

  • pathetic

  • patronage

  • permissive attitude

  • pessimistic

  • punish (poor ...)

  • radical

  • red tape

  • self-serving

  • selfish

  • sensationalists

  • shallow

  • shame

  • sick

  • spend(ing)

  • stagnation

  • status quo

  • steal

  • taxes

  • they/them

  • threaten

  • traitors

  • unionized

  • urgent (cy)

  • waste

  • welfare

 

                                       (Newt Gingrich)

This philandering, inebriated African socialist, who raged against the world for denying him the realization of his anti-colonial ambitions, is now setting the nation's agenda through the reincarnation of his dreams in his son," D'Souza writes of Obama's father, Barack Obama Sr., who the younger Obama barely knew.
                                        (D'Souza)

Is the president suggesting that if it had been a white who had been shot, that would be OK because it didn’t look like?

                                        (Newt-Gingrich)


 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwpwHxNhoug

dd,

  I love this!  Meant to comment earlier on this masterpiece.  I am saving it for reference and to enjoy again and again.

  Thanks, and please sir, can we have more?!?

Well thanks!

I think you are the only one.

I get in moods for Bishop Sheen or Campbell or TED or... most of the time there isn't even a script and I have to take notes.

As far as the web I will find some short squib like the one from Don Lemon and I break out laughing so hard I have to cut and past.

I always cut and paste anyway.

But this formula obviously did not work out so well. hahaha

 

I think the 'creative corner', with the exception of the wondrous Mr. Smith's Haiku posts, is usually not given it's due.  

I am still struck by the response to this post!

You are the only one who responded, since you are one of my best friends but we received almost 500 hits on this thing.

I assume you published this on Facebook (which I still do not understand) or maybe someone else did the honors.

Anyway, this one post really really fascinates me, as far as the response!

the end

I just realized this is from last April!  Sorry I missed it then but thanks to Aunt Sam it's been resurrected.  This was fun!  And a keeper, as well.  I'll probably be stealing from it now and then.

Thanks!

You know what?

You made my day!

Oh goodness!

Thank you for dropping by!

My pleasure, DD, my pleasure.

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