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    Questions roasting on an open-source blog...

    Questions: The Happy Holidays Edition

    1) Christmas Songs

    2) Christmas Lights

    3) Best gift

    4) Come, Sit on My Lap

    5) No, really, come sit on my lap

    6) The Ball or The Parade

    7) New Year's Resolution

    8) Prediction Time

    And because I'm out of holiday questions, a couple lingering non-thematic questions

    9) Tipping

    10) Pigeons

    Series: 

    Comments

    1) When I was in music class in elementary school and holiday season came around, I did this thing I'm kind of ashamed now: I would refuse to utter the word God or Jesus in any Christmas song lyrics as part of some lame Jewish protest I was conducting. Sometimes, I extended the ban to borderline words like holy; with all the pauses, I remember Silent Night being a particularly troublesome song to get through.

    I understand why I did it; the songs made me feel uncomfortable to sing, but really, what was I trying to prove? I certainly wasn't making any conscious church/state separation statement. And I am actually one of the few who LIKE Christmas songs. Well, some of them. Anyway, as part of my repentance, let me ask you, what's your favorite Christmas song? Let's sing it together ...


    I've always liked Little Drummer Boy. I'm a sucker for the ba-rum-bum-bums.


    The enlightened public school system of Iowa City never made us sing about God or Jesus. Just reindeer and Santa.

    Second on Little Drummer Boy. But most of the other popular carols are awful. Someone recently complained to me about a co-worker who listens to christmas carols all day long during the holiday season. Certifiable.


    bah, humbug.


    Well spoken. I also steal money from orphans. It's kind of a Christmas tradition for me.


    Little Drummer Boy was my mom's all time favorite. It makes me really happy to hear it. I love all Christmas music, but I'm partial Sleigh Ride and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.


    There's way too much use of Christmas music to jolly people into buying stuff. But I can bear some of the religious stuff that's played less often, like Adeste Fideles -- but only in Latin, so you get the mental exercise of trying to translate it.


    Weird. I just now got back from a dash downtown for last-minute gift-buying. I heard only one piece of Christmas music during my sortie. As I emerged from the metro (subway), a small choir behind closed doors was rehearsing Adeste Fideles -- in Latin, of course.


    I memorized In the Bleak Midwinter for choir about fifteen years ago, and it is still rattling around in my head.


    Funny.  I used to loudly sing along with that "what if god was one of us" song, substituting the word "Bob" for "god," in protest.  But I love Christmas songs.  Somehow I was OK with the religiousity there because I was able to see it as some sort of homage to the way people felt when the songs were written -- more of an historical, cultural appreciation than a religious one.  My favorite is Good King Wenceslas; but I could easily rattle on for hours listings others that I love.


    2) Christmas songs I can stomach, but I totally dig Christmas lights. They sure seem like a pain in the butt, though. Let me ask a few questions about them for the Christmas celebrators out there. Did you have lights around your house growing up? Do you do them now? Are they really worth the hassle? Are they easier to take down than put up - If so, why do people leave them up so long? How about the really gaudy, cheesy displays, with the flashing lights, the robotronic Santas and the detailed manger scenes, are those awful in their cheesiness or awfully awesome in their cheesiness?


    Usually, the lights only go on the tree. But if I'm having an idustrious year, I'll put them up around the windows on the inside. Christmas decorations go up after Thanksgiving and come down on New Year's Day. Unless, I'm hung over. Then, they come down the weekend following New Year's Day. This year, I have a tree up, but only becase my roommate put it up. I haven't been able to muster enough spirit to decorate at all for the past couple of years. I have to admit, it is nice to come home and night and sit in a room lit only by the soft glow of the Christmas tree.


    We had Red, Blue, Green & Yellow lights, and my Dad had us maintain them in his particular order throughout. I did outdoor lights until someone took them off the low bushes.


    3) Have you been seeing all these Lexus car commercials on right now, the ones that all compare getting a Lexus to an incredible childhood gift?? If not, turn on a TV, I guarantee one is on right now.  What was your favorite Christmas/Hanukkah gift growing up?


    Hanukkah was pretty lame in our household. The whole eight days of gifts thing is way overrated. I'm sure I got better gifts than this, but for some reason Mike Tyson's Punch Out video game stands out as the one hanukkah gift I remember - probably because that year I remember searching through my mom's closet to try and see what she got and feeling really guilty about it for days afterward.


    Speaking of Hanukkah, how about a Hanukkah primer for those of us who worship the guy in the red suit. All I know is it lasts eight days and there are candles. And dreidels. Whatever those are.


    That sounds like a fun post and complements some material that I'm working on it. I'll do it! But not today. Still swamped.


    You must realize, Deadman, that the Tyson video game was just bait. The real gift was the guilt. You made your mother very happy that year.


    I always got good gifts. When I was in first grade, I got a sled. The radio flyer, wood slats/red metal steering bar kind. But before Christmas I was playing in my mom's room with a friend who looked under the bed and then got me to look as well. Being the honest kid that I was, I told my mom what I'd seen. She then gave me the choice: tell my step-dad or act surprised on Christmas. Even at 7, I knew I wasn't a good liar, so I told him. I didn't get in trouble (because I was honest), but it sort of ruined Christmas morning. I never went looking for gifts again--I love being surprised.

    The best morning was Christmas in 5th grade. I wanted a stereo so badly. But none of the boxes under the tree were stereo-sized. I was pretty despondent for the weeks leading up, waiting for that big box to show up. It never did. Then, as we were opening presents on Christmas morning, my mom handed me a medium-sized box. I opened it. It was a toaster oven. I looked perplexed, my parents started cracking up, and my step-dad gets a big box that has my mom's name on it and says, "This one must have been mislabled." Oh, how I loved that stereo.


    ok, i know im slow sometimes but your parents did that on purpose, right? and how big was your stereo???


    Yes, they did it on purpose. The toaster was for my grandparents. They re-wrapped it and gave it to them later in the day.

    The stereo was HUGE--probably 2 feet wide and a foot and a half deep and at least a foot tall. It had a gigantic, old-style turn table on top and the console had a radio tuner that went all the way across with the little bar that told you which station you were on. Also, two (TWO!) casette tape holders. So I could tape one tape from another. 

    It was 1980. What else can I say?


    We each got pedal-powered red Mustangs.


    4) Now that we've got you in the gift-receiving mood, sit on my lap, and tell Santa Deadman what you want the most for the holiday this year. Unfortunately, the economy sucks and Santa's had his ass kicked by the market, so he won't be getting you squat, but assume money was no object and you could have anything you wanted. But it has to be an actual physical item - no world peace requests, Orlando. So. what do you want (Non-Christians, feel free to answer as well)?


    Assuming I can't get an Iphone on T-mobile, I think I'd like someone to buy me the apartment I live in. Or maybe massages for every week of the year.


    10 more hours in the day and a big flat screen TV


    Honestly, nothing material. I've been trying to loosen my addiction to stuff. I would like someone to publish my novel though.

    And I don't want world peace, smarty-pants. I want world intelligence. Willfully stupid people suck.


    My own 50 meter indoor pool.


    5) Ok, now let's just consider sex and romance ... what would be the one thing you'd want that would make that part of your life more fulfilling? Let your imagination run wild (Catholics, try your best to answer)...


    I think my imagination may be too wild for the dagblog community, or maybe I actually do have a modicum of shame, so for now I'll just say threesomes.


    make it happen, deadman.  make it happen.


    a woman


    Batteries. Smile


    A battery powed woman!

    You can have a coin operated boy:

    For Buffy fans, here's an amusing mashup.

    PS I happen to know the poor bastard that the singer, Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls, was dating when she wrote this song. By strange coincidence, I'm also acquainted with the real boy she eventually found. But I've never met Amanda herself.


    genghis can you change this comment so the video doesnt start playing every time the page loads? it scares me every time.

    btw, my girlfriend sent me a video of amanda plamer belting out Creep on ukelele one night at a bar. It was pretty good, though something about it struck me shall i say creepily narcissistic.

     


    I had done that but somehow it got reset. I hope it's OK now.

    Creepily narcissistic would not surprise me.


    Can't complain.


    6) They're both New York holiday institutions, but assuming weather wasn't a factor, would you rather attend The Thanksgiving Day Parade or the Times Square Ball Dropping, and why?


    The parade, fo shizzle. I live right by the Thanksgiving Day parade route and have yet to see it, which is just stupid. The one year I was in NYC I overslept. I love walking by the floats when they're stationed on 81st St. the night before.

    I'm too claustrophobic for the Times Square thing. wouldnt mind being there if I could be in one of the office buildings in the area.


    7) Do you make New Year's resolutions, either formally or informally? Whether you do or not, what's the one thing you hope to accomplish next year?


    In my head, I make a couple, usually. This is the most cliched of all resolutions, but I really would like to get back to the gym on a semi-regular basis. Ive been so bad this year. Also, I'd like to start wriitng fiction on the side again.


    Write a book


    Publish a book.


    Book here, too. And, as soon as the streets are clear of snow again (probably late April), get the bike out of the basement and explore the dozens of kilometres of bike paths this island is blessed with. I tried the gym route a couple of times but simply lack the willpower.


    Get back in my swimming regimen.


    Wow. who knew blogger was just a code word for aspiring (failed? wannabe? eternally procastinating?) novelist??? i guess its true what they say, everyone has a book in them wanting to come out! maybe one day we'll publish a book of dagblog short stories.


    8) Gimme a prediction for next year, about anything you know something about ... but make it at least somewhat serious and pretty specific so we can come back next year and see if you're prescient.


    By the end of next year, unemployment will have hit 9-plus percent at some point. Gold will once again bust through old highs, surging past the $1000 level as inflation becomes a problem again near the end of next year. You will hear about the collapse of interest rates constantly at the beginning of next year, as the new bubble developing in government bonds reaches its peak sometime in the middle of next year, before interest rates start exploding to the upside. We will end the year on the Dow at 8500 or below, but at some point we will hit 10000 again.


    Obama will become the next President


    I predicted that last year, and I'm still waiting. The odds do look good, though.


    way to go out on a limb and thanks for taking it seriously. there's one in every crowd. of course, in this crowd i think there are several ...


    I think we'll have high(er) unemployment, stagflation and a alternative energy, or cleantech, bubble.


    9) So at the place where I get my hair cut, I end up tipping the hair washer woman almost the same amount as my hairdresser because she does such a freakin' good job at it (a good scalp massage is like getting a quick sneak peek at heaven) Do you think the hairdresser knows I tip the woman a lot, and do you think it's OK to do that even though the hairdresser clearly does most of the work (I still tip him about 20%) ... Also, as a related question, I find myself tipping more and more people: Do you agree with me that tipping in general has gotten out of hand??


    You tip the hairwasher?


    you DON'T?


    I didn't know that you were supposed to. Crap, stylists are expensive enough as it is. Maybe I should go back to my $10 barber days.


    a dollar or two for the hairwasher is sufficient. but lately, ive been giving her a $5. even gave her a $10 once because she gave me like a half-hour massage as my hairdresser was working on someone else - even had a little shoulder action. heh-ven.


    My hairdresser is my hairwasher.


    I've increased my dinner tipping from 20% to 25%, although I rarely eat out. My hairdresser is a theatre buddy, but I tip him all the same.


    25%?? wow. 20% is pretty much the standard for me, but I really wish i felt more comfortable giving tips based on performance. Isn't that what the initial idea was supposed to be - tips for good service? Too many times, I get crappy service and still tip top dollar (by my standard, not Donal's!).


    10) OK, this is really random, but the other day I was walking home, and this guy throws a bunch of bread crumbs on the ground. At first a couple of nearby pigeons come over and start chowing down. But within a couple of minutes, it was total mayhem as pigeons (and other birds) descended from seemingly everywhere to get a piece of the unexpected feast.

    Why is that? Did they all see the man throw the crumbs down (I don't think so because there was a delay)? Do they smell the crumbs? My guess is that the first pigeons on the scene emitted some sort of scent or low-level call that attracted other birds, but why would they have evolved that way since it clearly was bringing unwanted competition to the dinner table?


    I assume that it's the same sort of function that attracts people to crowds. That is to say, if a pigeon sees a bunch of other pigeons on the ground, it's going to fly over to see what's up.

    Related: Why do people feed pigeons? Like all wild animals without predators, pigeon populations expand to an area's carrying capacity. So feeding them might make a few pigeons happy, but those pigeons will make baby pigeons, and then there will be too many again, at which point even more pigeons will starve.


    Starving pigeons. That's a nice thought. Very Christmas-y.


    I'm the grinch of pigeons. But my cold heart is warming somewhat after a pigeon died of unknown causes at my feet last month. (No, I did not kick the pigeon. It just keeled over.)

    So Merry Christmas, pigeons! I wish you much warmth so that your toes don't freeze off. (Those stump-legged pigeons are disturbing.)


    A pigeon died at your feet? I think that means you can expect seven years of bad luck unless you carry a horseshoe and throw the pigeon over your shoulder. Or something like that.


    It's a collective survival strategy, Deadman. The birds have figured out that some wackos poison pigeons, so they wait to see if the amount of bread crumbs being distributed is worth the risk. If so, they draw lots, and the losers fly down for some taste-testing. If after a couple of minutes those early birds are still alive, the rest join in. Everybody knows that.

    But who decided bread crumbs were pigeons' favorite meal? I bet they'd prefer pizza.


    that's funny. though arent there poisons that dont take effect for some time?

    but seriously, i was wondering if the reaction wasn't a collective survival strategy of a different kind. that pigeons, especially in the past, didn't care if they spread word of an unexpected feast because food was so tough to come by they somehow knew the only way to survive as a species was by sharing in the bounty. kind of a socialistic, it takes a village approach.

    or maybe its as simple as what genghis said, curiosity brings other pigeons to the area, and eventually it's quite clear there's food for the taking. but the way they swooped down from everywhere, it all seemed almost orchestrated, like they were following some kind of call.


    Ever watch birds assembling into V formations for their long migrations? The strongest ones somehow know to bunch in the center, and take the lead position in shifts as they tire. So one arm of the V is often shorter than the other.

    I think they go for the biggest formations they can so if the slowest birds can't keep up, they still have the critical mass to break off into smaller, slower V formations that will still be aerodynamic. And I think they are smart enough to know that's what they're doing.


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