RIP Nelson Mandela. The World Will Long Remember
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Over the river and through the woods to grandson's house we go. I wrote this last night, so if there's confusion about the time line, that's why. Any Vegetarians in the crowd might want to skip this one.
Everybody knows the Walton family, the people who put the "Wal" in "Walmart", is the richest family in America. They're so rich you would have to pile up more than 40% of the wealth in the entire United States to even be on the same level. If each member of the family lived to be a thousand years old, they couldn't even begin to spend all of their fortune. So asking them to pay their employees a living wage and a few measly benefits is like asking them to give up, say, 1/10,000th of their fortune. (Don't quote me on that; I don't know that for absolute sure.)
But I'm ever the optimist, so I put these questions to them:
On Thursday, Russian officials announced that Russia had offered asylum to dissidents suffering persecution from the Russian government.
The group includes Alexei Navalny, an anti-corruption blogger sentenced to five years in a corrective labor colony; Mikhail Khodorkovsky, a former Russian oligarch imprisoned since 2005; members of punk rock protest band Pussy Riot, imprisoned since 2012; Russia's gay population; and the Chechen Republic. Russia also offered posthumous asylum to Alexander Litvinenko, a former KGB agent assassinated by Russian agents after receiving asylum in Britain. [Read more]
Michele Bachmann to leave Washington to spend more time with her "family". Prompts the resurrection of FRIDAY FOLLIES. (What? Every Friday? Uh. . .we'll see how it goes.)
As we head into the long weekend, you Daggers are probably wondering what you're going to read. Might I suggest a short and cheap solution to your entertainment needs? It's got more action than My Dinner With Andre. More laughs than The Deer Hunter. More insight than the entire oeuvre of David Brooks. It is:
That's right, it's almost a book! It's an ebook. A short one. The cassingle of books! [Read more]
DULUTH - In a scene of overwhelming carnage, Bobby Jenkins, 9, brutally murdered more than 100,000 people, zombies, and other entities yesterday.
The slaughter began at 3:30 p.m. yesterday, when Sally Jenkins, mother of Bobby, allowed her son to play the video game "Slaughter Everything." After doing some bills, Sally Jenkins stumbled across the murder scene and immediately sent young Bobby to his room.
"It was really unsettling," said Sally Jenkins. "He was just going crazy, slaughtering everybody." [Read more]
NEW YORK — The writing style of satire was blown up in a suicide attack at its home in the upper West side of Manhattan. Snark and Snide Disregard were also injured in the attack and are currently in intensive care.
Satire, which gained prominence via writers like Jonathan Swift and Voltaire, has struggled to find its footing recently in the Internet-driven world, as more and more satire is associated with mindless attacks, sophomoric humor and the oft-imitated “Breaking” news story. Satire reached a low point recently when the magazine “The New Yorker” hired Andy Borowitz, who then proceeded to write the exact same story 175 consecutive times. [Read more]
Over in North Korea, Kim Jong-Un has spent the better part of the month threatening to vaporize South Korea, the United States, and anyone else who wants a little vaporization. Now, generally, when a leader of a nation with nuclear capabilities makes wild, outlandish threats, the rest of the world pays attention, for reasons of vaporization avoidance. [Read more]
Let me just say right off that when it comes to Homeland and border security, I'm all for it.
When it comes to appreciating how essential shipping is to the Great Lakes, I'm right at the head of the line.
When it comes to being in awe of the engineering feat that is the Soo Locks I am so in awe I can't stand it.
WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama banned the controversial drone program here today, and reaction to the move was swift, as every other country on the planet immediately announced they would do the same, even France, which has a well-earned reputation of being a pain in the ass on these types of matters.
The move to ban drones was met by complete bipartisan support in both the House and Senate, with even staunch defense supporters like warmongering angry white guy Sen. John McCain giving it a thumbs up. [Read more]
WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama – in an attempt to ease tensions with Senate Republicans – bought a dozen GOP senators dinner last night, in what all have said was a pleasant evening. The dinner was held at the Jefferson Hotel, with Obama picking up the tab out of his own pocket. [Read more]
So I think I told you I’m working on a book. I’ve changed the title again, so now I’m calling it “Living to Tell About It”. (The sub-title may or may not be “How to tell your story when it gets to be That Time,” but don’t hold me to it.) [Read more]
I never thought this could happen to me …
My life was an ordinary one. My wife had left me two years earlier, taking the kids. My job with the cable company was unsatisfying but it paid the bills. I went to the bar three or four times a week. I played poker once a week with some guys I really didn’t even like. I was a nobody.
Then I saw her.
I was at Walmart to pick up something to eat and maybe a puzzle. I had some time on my hands – ok, I always had time on my hands – and I wandered about the store. That’s where she called to me.
She was long and sleek. Her power was undeniable, but her smouldering sensuality was undeniable. [Read more]
TEXAS – Scientists at the University of Texas-El Paso have discovered that the human body will deflect bullets in a “legitimate” shooting.
“We have seen that, when the human body is stressed out and about to be legitimately shot, the bullet will not harm them,” said Dr. Phil Gingrey. “The obvious conclusion is that people who do have a bullet enter their body actually want to be shot.” [Read more]
We women have had a rough few decades. The modern woman has to worry about pleasing their man or finding a man. We have to worry about children. We have to worry about our jobs and vaginas. But it didn’t used to always be this way. Since the great feminist uprising came and washed away our self-respect and dignity, we women lived a far simpler existence. We indeed had it all. [Read more]
My friends, America was born some 450 years ago in 1776 and has the documentation to prove it. Now, America has an expiration date – Dec. 31, 2012.
Yes, Christopher Columbus’ great experiment in democracy is set to sail over a cliff – a “Fiscal” cliff, as it were. According to economics experts such as David Gregory, the fiscal cliff is a combination of tax hikes and budget cuts that will paralyze the economy and bring about such calamities as a return of smallpox, forced incest and insects of above average size, according to economic expert such as Jake Tapper. [Read more]
As a political blogger, I have long had a reputation as a pragmatic, level-headed fellow who often uses humor in lieu of shrillness. While I am proud of this reputation, it is one that has kept me from achieving the popularity I so rightly deserve. That is why, as of today, I will be changing my positions and attitudes to better take advantage of the current political atmosphere.
You see, with the U.S. election scant weeks away, I have yet to give my readers the passion, anger and outright falsehoods they truly desire. That is why, as of today, I will begin to produce blog posts that readers desire. In the upcoming days, I shall be releasing several new blog posts, including:
MITT ROMNEY WILL END DEMOCRACY IN AMERICA [Read more]
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new Gallup poll today showing that a large percentage of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are “jerks.”
The poll – which took the opinions of one Mitt Romney over a 10-state area – showed some negative trends for the U.S. public. By wide margins, American citizens were thought to be “stupid,” and “Jerks,” and that they “should not be involved in the governing process.
in I wonder what's in...jollyroger
in Why Millennials Fell Out...Michael Maiello
in NELSON MANDELA IS DEAD!...Richard Day
in Long Walk To FreedomRichard Day
in Proof that Jay Carney et...jollyroger
in Why Martin Bashir's...Ramona
in Proof that Jay Carney et...artappraiser
in Why Millennials Fell Out...trkingmomoe
in NELSON MANDELA IS DEAD!...artappraiser
in Long Walk To Freedomtrkingmomoe
in Why Martin Bashir's...trkingmomoe
in Why Millennials Fell Out...artappraiser
in Why Millennials Fell Out...artappraiser
in Why Millennials Fell Out...Verified Atheist
in Why Millennials Fell Out...artappraiser