William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Fiscal Cliff will bring smallpox, forced incest & insects of above-average size

    My friends, America was born some 450 years ago in 1776 and has the documentation to prove it. Now, America has an expiration date – Dec. 31, 2012.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Paul Ryan announces large charitable donation to ‘The Human Fund’

    WASHINGTON — Stung by criticism over using a soup kitchen for a staged photo op that showed him washing dishes that were already clean, Vice-Presidential candidate Paul Ryan has announced he will be making a large donation to the

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Vote for Mitt Romney: Because the SEAL who shot Osama bin Laden lives in St. Louis, Mo.

    My friends, the 2012 election is about choices. It is the choice between the out-of-control socialism of Barack Obama and the steady professional leadership of Mitt Romney. Also, the Navy SEAL who actually shot Osama bin Laden lives at 112 Ark St. in St. Louis, Mo.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Mitt Romney's best friend is Jerry Sandusky (and other things I don’t really believe)

    As a political blogger, I have long had a reputation as a pragmatic, level-headed fellow who often uses humor in lieu of shrillness. While I am proud of this reputation, it is one that has kept me from achieving the popularity I so rightly deserve. That is why, as of today, I will be changing my positions and attitudes to better take advantage of the current political atmosphere.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    100% of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are jerks

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — A new Gallup poll today showing that a large percentage of Mitt Romneys think U.S. citizens are “jerks.”

    The poll – which took the opinions of one Mitt Romney over a 10-state area – showed some negative trends for the U.S. public. By wide margins, American citizens were thought to be “stupid,” and “Jerks,” and that they “should not be involved in the governing process.

     

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Donate to me or I won’t Tweet & Blog Obama to victory

    My friends, the 2012 U.S. elections are the most important of our lives. Which is why you should give me money.

    Yes, my friends, it is that time again – the time for you to decide how much you love your country by giving money to a U.S. blogger residing in Brazil. As has been proven time and again, my words reverberate around the globe and give President Barack Obama a distinct edge in his race against humanoid life form Mitt Romney. For instance, when I tweeted this:

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    BREAKING: Bain Capital Acquires Romney Campaign

    Romney for President, Inc., today announced that Bain Capital, LLC, a leading global private investment firm, has completed its purchase of the organization. The total value of the transaction is $53 million.

    Romney for President is a leading Boston-based provider of political strategy, public relations, and fundraising services. It was founded in 2011 by Mitt Romney, former Governor of Massachusetts and an original founder of Bain Capital, with the goal of electing Romney President of the United States.

    "The completion of the sale is a significant milestone in our campaign's history," said Stuart Stevens, Romney for President's Chief Campaign Strategist. "We enter this new phase of our growth and development with a new name – Mittata Intelligence – and a renewed commitment to excellence, innovation, and federal budget reduction."

    Ramona's picture

    On Waking Up to Seventy Five

     

    So yes, it has happened:  I am 75 years old today.  Don't worry, I feel fine.  I'm still the same person, but one now saddled with the realization that I have lived three quarters of a century.  My God. How does a thing like that happen?

    I'm planning a big day in which I'll be pondering some burning questions:  How the hell could three quarters of a century have sailed by so fast?  If I had been paying attention, could I have done something to slow it down?  And any chance I'm only half way to the end?

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    House GOP passes bill requesting Al Qaeda attack U.S. in late-October

    WASHINGTON – In its last action before recess, GOP representatives passed a bill through the House that would require President Barack Obama to send a personal letter to Al Qaeda leaders, requesting a large terrorist attack on a blue state of the U.S. in late-October. The bill passed across party lines.

    “We feel that a large-scale terrorist attack on the U.S. and its citizens is just what America needs right now,” said Speaker of the House John Boehner. “Just one devastating attack would be the end of this President, meaning lower taxes and more jobs would be on the way.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Mitt Romney, Sarah Palin demand people be allowed to yell “Fire!” in crowded theaters

    DES MOINES – Appearing together on stage for the first time, Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney and former Vice-Presidential nominee Sarah Palin had harsh words for the administration of President Barack Obama.

    “By even mentioning that he did not like an anti-Muslim video, Obama has put all Americans in grave danger,” said Romney, smirking. “And when I say Americans, I’m not including troops overseas, because I’m only talking about important things in this speech.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: Obama donates $1 million to Mitt Romney campaign

    WASHINGTON – The re-election campaign for President Barack Obama has made a $1 million donation to the Mitt Romney campaign. The donation comes on the heels of Romney’s recent foray into foreign affairs, accusing Obama of sympathizing with Islamic extremists, despite the fact that it never happened.

    Sources close to the Obama campaign said they wanted to make the donation to give Romney more chances to appear on television so voters could see more of him.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Vote for me for the office I deserve to win

    It has been several months since I, William K. Wolfrum, formally declared my intention to run for the office that I deserve to win. Since then, I have had multiple donors who have helped me spread my message across this great land.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Fact-Checking William K. Wolfrum: The Fact-Checkening

    Over the years, William K. Wolfrum has made numerous outlandish claims in blogs, on Twitter, in real life and occasionally while sleeping. Such claims demand non-partisan fact-checking to give the public the truth of the matter. That is why I, William K. Wolfrum, have taken it upon myself to fact-check some of these claims.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    God signs new 4-year deal with Democrats: “I can finally get my Mom a new house”

    HEAVEN – God, the controversial creator of everything everywhere, has signed a new deal with the Democratic Party that will keep him in their fold for the next four years.

    “This is just a thrill,” said God, 42. “There so much uncertainty in this game, but now I feel as though I’ve finally made it.”

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Obama did not kill bin Laden – He’s running for office in Brazil

    Yes, Bin Laden is alive and well in Brazil, where he’s running for office in the mid-term elections. His political aims? Apparently disillusioned by Jihad following his Pakistan bullet adventure, he is running to rid the nation of corruption and child labor. It’s a big move for Osama, who once made a living in Brazil in the bug extermination business.

    Brazilians aren’t at all fearful of Bin Laden, and for good reason. They have Batman and Robin to protect them.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Swing Voter Analysis

    I went to see my shrink today.

    "Doc," I said to him after I'd sprawled myself on the couch, "I'm thinking about breaking up with my guy Barry."

    "Is that so?" he replied. I like Doc. He's got this way of saying things without saying anything.

    "Yeah, I mean, we've been together for what four years now? I'm just not sure it's going anywhere. It's like a...a rut. I was depressed when we started. I'm still depressed."

    DF's picture

    Debate The Controversy!

    As we all know, there are two - and only two - sides to every story.  It's an article of faith in contemporary American political life.  He said one thing, she said another.  We must, of course, exhibit both sides in order to get a fair and balanced view of any issue.  After all, the truth will invariably be found somewhere in the middle.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Birth-Control as 9/11 -- Know your hyperbole

    When Republican Rep. Mike Kelly stood in front of the world and stated that the birth-control mandate was comparable to Sept.11 and the Pearl Harbor attacks, it got people’s attention. This was a true game-changing statement in many ways. Mostly, it changed how we Americans should now compare things.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    I got your culture right here, with a side order of French fries

    Being an incredible success in life is something I’ve come to grips with lo these many years. And while I’d like to say that hard work and discipline have taken me to my current staggering heights, we all know that’s a load of nonsense. There is but one reason why I am the successful man I am:

    I’m cultured like a son of a bitch.

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