Book of the Month

Michael Wolraich's picture

Confessions of a Valor Thief

I am concerned that I may soon be arrested, for I am a shameless Valor-thief. In my defense, I did not realize that it was a crime. I thought Valor was an ethereal substance like Truth, Beauty, and Mitt Romney's political agenda. But our government feels differently. In 2006, Congress passed the Stolen Valor Act and made me a federal criminal.

Accord the act, I may be imprisoned for up to six months for falsely claiming to have been awarded "any decoration or medal authorized by Congress for the armed forces of the United States, or any of the service medals or badges awarded to the members of such forces, or the ribbon, button, or rosette of any such badge, decoration or medal, or any colorable imitation thereof."

One of my partners in crime has already been arrested. Xavier Alvarez was an important man in his community, a member of the board of directors of Three Valleys Municipal Water District in California. At a public meeting, he told people that he had received the Congressional Medal of Honor as a Marine. It was all lies. He is a Valor-thief.

But Alvarez is a petty criminal compared to me. I am the kingpin of a notorious Valor-theft ring based in midtown Manhattan. Over the past six years, I have claimed hundreds, perhaps thousands, of military honors that I have never received, and I fear that I may have to spend the rest of my life serving consecutive six-month sentences for Valor theft. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

A Straight White Man’s Burden

Being a Straight White Male is great. It really is. I mean, the number of perks I get solely for being a Straight White Guy is just ridiculous. Did you know we Straight White Men get free ice cream on Tuesdays? Our choice of flavors. It’s fabulous.

But life as a White Male is not all good jobs, unlimited rights and privileges and free ice cream on Tuesdays. It is mostly, mind you, but it’s not everything.

You see, as a Straight White American Male, it is my job to tell women and minorities what rules they must live by. It is a huge responsibility that I more or less take seriously. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Women Having Sex? Outlaw it. Problems solved

America has become Satan’s playground. It is a nation that dances with the devil and is seeing it’s greatness usurped by sin. And it is all because we allow American women to have sex.

Recently, more and more Republicans have come forward to announce they are anti-abortion and anti-birth control. They have fought to eliminate Planned Parenthood. They are even trying to pass legislation that would would make it illegal for African-American women to have abortions. [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

Lies My Pastor Told Me

The Christian Anti-Defamation Commission (CADC) is a not-for-profit 501(c) (3) Education Corporation whose purpose it is to become the first-in-mind champion of Christian religious liberty, domestically and internationally, and a national clearing house and first line of response to anti-Christian defamation, bigotry, and discrimination.

As America slides down the slippery slope into secular abyss, Christianity itself has come under attack. Nowhere is the assault on religious liberty more ruthless than in our schools. Just last month, a malicious little atheist forced a Rhode Island high school to remove its students' inspirational prayer from the wall of the gymnasium.

But one brave man refuses to stand by as the secular state annihilates our childrens' religious liberties. Rev. Gary L. Cass, president of the celebrated Christian Anti-Defamation Commission, has recently launched a new organization called DefendStudents.org, which is dedicated to defending religious liberty in our schools. [Read more]

Ramona's picture

FRIDAY FOLLIES: Orly Taitz to Gabby Giffords: From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

 

When the whole SOPA/PIPA blackout was going on, most of us, like the sheeple we are, just grabbed something someone else did and closed up shop,  but The Oatmeal, like the creative peeple they are, got creative.  You can see it here.

Carlsberg Beer, like the creative peeple they are, (I didn't know that about Carlsberg, did you?) pulled a stunt involving tattooed bikers in a movie theater.  You can watch it here.
 [Read more]

Ramona's picture

FRIDAY FOLLIES: Books on the move, Fallon's Bowie moment, and the return of Aslan

 

Yes, it's FRIDAY FOLLIES!  I know, it's been a while, and I keep getting requests to bring it back so here it is.  (Two requests so far, one of them a relative, but still. . .)  I have no explanation for why I've neglected it for so long.  I could say I just wasn't feeling it but that's so unprofessional. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Should William K. Wolfrum look at porn all day, or be a Work Vigilante?

I’m looking for reader input on whether and when I, William K. Wolfrum, should actually do work, or whether I should just look at porn all day.

One example mentioned recently by a reader: “Mr. Wolfrum, there have already been two GOP Primaries and several GOP Debates. You have written nary a word about these events. I wish you would stop spending your days looking at porn and instead try working for a change.”

Another example from a reader: “Bill, you need to work more. Now. Stop looking at porn all day or our marriage is in real trouble.” [Read more]

Ramona's picture

Another First for the Great State of New Hampshire: The Great Debate of the Lesser-Knowns

 

Yesterday morning,  after watching "Up with Chris Hayes" (My never-miss-if-I-can-help-it, hands-down favorite political show on TV maybe ever -- except for "The West Wing" and Rachel Maddow), I was aimlessly flipping channels, looking for something equally smart and fun (as IF!) when I got to what I thought should be C-Span but realized it couldn't be because I thought I saw a wizard.
 [Read more]

Ramona's picture

It's 2012 and the nuts just keep on coming.

 

Good morning and Happy New Year!  (The exclamation point is always required after "Happy New Year", if I'm remembering my Strunk and White correctly.  Also, "Happy New Years" is incorrect.  So is "Happy New Year's.")
 [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

#OurXmas - A Twitter celebration for those alone on Christmas - and everybody else

I should be in San Francisco right now.  The plans had been made, tickets bought, room and board at the ready. A family Christmas vacation awaited. But then, life got in the way.

It got in the way in the form of a tiny, old Boston Terrier named Max. My wife got Max before we were together and at the tender age of 22. He’s been with her through the ups and downs of life. While we have other dogs and always will, Max is the dog of her life. And now, at the age of 14, Max is winding down. He has congestive heart failure, and has been battling a sinus infection that won’t go away. He still has a lot of life in him, enjoys his normal routine and attacks food. But the fact is, he could leave us at any time and needs care. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Christopher Hitchens lets Vanity Fair blow off his legs, kill his entire family, destroy his home; he writes about it

(WKW Note: Following the death of Christopher Hitchens, many have spoken about his support for the Iraq War, as well as his Vanity Fair story on waterboarding. I wrote this piece on July 3, 2008 to express the conflict I felt over these two issues.) [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Racist and hateful words at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles? Stop blaming William K. Wolfrum

Every few years, a group of mindless political operatives shriek loudly about how I, William K. Wolfrum, am a racist. This, my friends, is an exercise in futility, as I am obviously not a racist. Nonetheless, these hateful smear mongers continue to pursue these charges.

These charges are baseless, and come from words that appeared at “William K. Wolfrum Chronicles” years ago, such as:

“Opinion polls consistently show only about 5% of blacks have sensible political opinions.”

“If you have ever been robbed by a black teen-aged male, you know how unbelievably fleet-footed they can be.” [Read more]

Donal's picture

An Ill Wind

You've probably read that eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini, and three Mercedes, traveling at a highly-efficient 80 to 100 mph, crashed when one of the Ferraris had to pass a slow-moving Prius, and hit a slower-moving guardrail. In a twist of irony, after causing the accident, the Prius was the only undamaged vehicle. This $3 million debacle proves that Priuses, and other non-ICE vehicles, represent a hazard to normal traffic. Maybe Priuses should be made to drive on the sidewalk, where they can't obstruct efficient, high-speed drivers. [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Earth 2.0: Invade now and the Keplerian-22bers will greet us as liberators

 

Artist rendering of Kepler-22b

My friends, we are living in perilous times. With the discovery of Planet Kepler-22b, we Americans are threatened in a way like never before. [Read more]

Michael Wolraich's picture

A Real, Real Alternative for President(s)

There has been much heated discussion in these pages over whether liberals should support President Obama in the 2012 elections or embrace an independent candidate. In the absence of any credible challenger, these debates have been largely hypothetical. That is about to change.

I am happy to introduce two exciting new candidates who have emerged from the political muck like avenging swamp monsters from outer space. What they lack in experience, charisma, good judgment, and the semblance of any political agenda, they more than make up for in the intangible quality that some call panache, some call chutzpah, and some aren't quite sure what to call. I give you Kat Nove and Jeni Decker. [Read more]

Ramona's picture

Black Friday as Myth-Buster

 

After the Thanksgiving Day gluttony is over and after our teams have either won or lost (Our biggie between the Lions and the Packers went horribly awry for my loved ones, poor dears.) and after we've taken our tryptophan-induced naps, the next fun thing to think about, talk about or plan for is Black Friday, our annual Big Huge Shopping Extravaganza.  It's the day when primitive survival skills kick in and the absolutely-must-haves traditionally go nuts and stampede in scenes that make even NatGeo watchers go "Wow!".
  [Read more]

William K. Wolfrum's picture

Libertarianism: The "Human Centipede" of political ideologies

There are no great libertarian thinkers. Libertarianism is the absence of thought.

Lately, libertarianism has gained some weird popularity in the U.S. Sort of like Garbage Pail Kids did, but more offensive and less intellectual. Somehow, a growing group of maniacs has decided that things like paying taxes and making sure their handicapped grandma doesn’t die is an affront to their personal liberty.

I used to go by the theory that there are no homeless libertarians, but now I realize that was in error. The homeless are the quintessential libertarians, with no freedom-sapping things like shelter or clothing taking away from their personal freedom of licking the cheese off a three-day-old McDonald’s wrapper. [Read more]

Donal's picture

Too Big to Ballad

Paul Solman interviewed former IMF chief economist Simon Johnson on the PBS News Hour this evening. I often read Johnson and James Kwak at their blog, Baseline Scenario. Towards the end Solman and his cohost urged viewers to watch this video, The Ballad of Diamond Jim on Youtube.

The video is annotated by Solman and Johnson below.  [Read more]

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