Swing Voter Analysis

I went to see my shrink today.

"Doc," I said to him after I'd sprawled myself on the couch, "I'm thinking about breaking up with my guy Barry."

"Is that so?" he replied. I like Doc. He's got this way of saying things without saying anything.

"Yeah, I mean, we've been together for what four years now? I'm just not sure it's going anywhere. It's like a...a rut. I was depressed when we started. I'm still depressed."

"You think he's making you depressed?"

"Nah, it's not his fault. He's just not helping things, you know."

"Do you think it will help if you break up?"

"Maybe, who knows. I met this other guy, Mitt. He says he can make me happy, says that's his specialty, picking people up."

"Does that excite you?"

"Excite? Nah, excite is the wrong word. Mitt's not an 'exciting' guy, if you know what I mean."

"So why do want to leave Barry for Mitt?"

"I don't know. I guess I don't really. Mitt's kind of a blah, kind of a jerk. I don't really want to even be in the same room with him."

"Okay."

"But my buddy is like..."

"Who's your buddy?"

"My buddy Press, I've talked about him before."

"Yes, I recall."

"So Press is like, look, you've been in this relationship for four years. You're still depressed. Any normal person would get out there and give this Mitt dude a try."

"Why do you think he said that?"

"I dunno. Press likes to hear himself talk. He thinks he's a good judge of people. Sometimes, I think he's full of shit."

"So you don't agree with Press?"

"But see it's not just Press. Mitt too. He's tells me that I'm being irrational. He thinks that I just need to get over Barry. He kind of hinted that I'm just stuck on him because he's a black guy."

"Is that true?"

"No! I mean, I like Barry as a person of course, and it's kinda cool that he's my first black guy, but so what? I think Mitt just doesn't get why anybody would like Barry more than him. He's got some kind of complex."

"Okay."

"So anyway, I've got all these people telling me that I'm, you know, hung up on Barry. But it's not like I wouldn't dump him if someone better came along."

"Who would you dump him for?"

"Mitt's buddy is kinda cute, but I think he's not available."

"But you would prefer him to Barry?"

"I dunno, he's a little young for me. He kinda scares me too. He seems like the kind of guy who'll convince you to let him invest your savings but then blow it all on the market. Plus even though he's all smiley and chipper, I think he might be secretly evil."

"I see. Let's get back to Barry. Have you spoken with him about your concerns?"

"Barry doesn't like to talk about it. He hates Mitt! Says he's a sleaze."

"What about your depression? Have you talked to him about that?"

"Yeah, he's like well, I hear you, and I want to help, but there's nothing more I can do, and it's not really my fault."

"Do you think it's his fault?"

"I...I think...it's no one's fault...or maybe it's everyone's fault...I don't know...I just want to feel better already. I wish that Barry made me feel better, you know?"

"What about Mitt?"

"I dunno. Maybe if he ups his game, I'll consider him. But I doubt it."

"I think our time is up. Shall we continue this next time?"

"Yeah, okay. I'm kind of sick of it already, but I guess I have to make decision."

And that was that. The thing about Doc is he never really tells you what to do, but sometimes it's good to talk to him just to sort out some of the bullshit, if you know that I mean.