Michael Wolraich's picture

    Tea Party Threatened by Capitalist Menace

    The Tea Party, a potent collection of dyspeptic right-wing populist groups, was on the verge of national conquest. Having defeated a Republican candidate in a New York House election and a Democratic candidate in the Massachusetts Senate election, it seemed that there was no stopping this crew of tax-rejecting, socialist-hating, health-care-not-wanting defenders of the Constitution and all that is good in America.

    But on the eve of triumph, the Tea Party's first ever national convention is collapsing in acrimony, having been sabotaged by a devious Capitalist conspiracy. According to news reports, the organizer of the event, a for-profit company called Tea Party Nation, secretly planned to make money by charging $500 per ticket. Tea Party Nation had also colluded with guest speaker Sarah Palin, who reportedly plotted to charge a $100,000 speaking fee. Some even suspect that Tea Party Nation had a secret relationship with Tea Party Express, an organization that is controlled by Capitalist corporations and the Republican Party, a well-known Capitalist front. Erick Erickson, who runs the right-wing blog, RedState.com, called the whole event "scammy."

    Tea Party Nation has not responded to our attempts to contact them. We can only conclude that they are deep inside an insidious Capitalist plot to destroy the Tea Party. We encourage Teapartiers to make use of their excellent protesting skills to protest their own convention. We also call on President Barack Obama to reign in these devious Capitalists with legislation that would make it a crime to make money by charging poor people exorbitant fees--except for health care of course.

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