I telephoned my cousin, Eddie, who moved down to a large retirement community in Florida. He's a Romney fan and I try to needle him whenever possible. Because of the recent Romney fund raiser tapes I figured I could really get under his skin this time. If there is anyone on government benefits who does not feel like a victim, it is Eddie. He is single, seems to have more spring in his step than a twenty year old, and is dating three widows.

"Hey, Oxy, you're lucky to catch me at home. I got a Fuzzy Face yesterday and have to stay out of the sun for a few days."

"What the hell's that", I asked.

"You, know. Blepharoplasty.", he said.

"Go on."

"Drooping eyelid surgery", Eddie said. "Dr. Fuzzy, as he is called by his nurses, does the procedure and so many people here have had it done that it's become known as the Fuzzy Face. You should try it, Oxy. It'll take ten years off and Medicare pays for it. Come on down, play some golf and I'll take you over to the clinic and introduce you."

"Medicare", I shouted, "What a joke!".

"We earned it", Eddie said, "But, Oxy", he advised, "don't just blunder into a Doc's office and say you want blepharoplasty. You first have to complain about your eyesight and after they check everything else they'll probably suggest an eyelid lift."

I was so incensed by all these Seniors getting cosmetic surgery from Medicare that I had to compose myself before popping the question about the secret fund raiser tapes.

"So, Eddie, your boy Romney there kind of peed in the corner of his own bedroom with his secret fund raising speech, didn't he? He essentially called you a free loader, seeing as how you're living off Social Security, Medicare and Veterans benefits."

"Oxy, don't give me that crap. Romney's already debunked the libs who criticized him. It was a fund raiser for God's sake. Naturally he's going to say whatever it takes to persuade the donors. Anybody else would do the same, like Obama---he didn't do so well when he was secretly taped, now, did he?"

Eddie then expounded on his stable of widows and we had a laugh or two about one gal from our high school whose third husband died last year--all of them from accute gastroenteritis. My mind made a feeble attempt to resurrect my Romney rant around the thoughts of blepharoplasy, gastroenteritis and senior sex---but the wind had been taken out of my sails.

I hung up the phone and thought to myself---I guess I'll never understand Republicans. If sixty minutes of Romney put-down humor and insults to the elderly would not turn around one single Senior vote in Florida, what would? Perhaps if Romney were elected and the Seniors all went on vouchers and had to pay for their own damned droopy eyelid surgery, they'd think twice about voting for another Republican. Then again, I doubt it..