Michael Wolraich's picture

    Math Shmath

    All the Obama people can talk about after their savior got his butt kicked is math, math, math, math, math, math, math. Whatever. I respect math. Without math, there'd be no particle physics, sports stats, or sudoku, and it would be hard to figure out if you'd received the correct change. But let's not overdo it. First, math isn't tangible, so we can't know for sure if it even exists. Second, it's confusing, and anything confusing is probably a government conspiracy. Third, it's very inconvenient, and I don't think that we should believe in anything that gets in the way of what we want to believe.

    So why do people make such a big deal about it? One word: the Mathematico-Industrio Complex. There are whole industries of geeks that make a lot of money by pretending that math matters. What would all those economists, accountants, engineers, actuaries, statisticians, oddsmakers, and pollsters do if people woke up one morning and realized that math was pointless? I don't know what they'd do. It was a rhetorical question. But whatever they did would probably earn a lot less money. So you see, they have big stakes in perpetuating the MATH MYTH!!!! (The explanation points are for emphasis.)

    I'm not saying that math doesn't exist, but we should call it what it is: a theory. Theories are for sissies. No one should ever be denied a rightful primary nomination because of someone's dumb theory. Hillary Clinton knows this. That's why she's still in this race, and that's why she'll still be in this race long after everyone else has gone home or been sunstroked to death by global warming. She's in it to win it, and she's just getting warmed up. OK, maybe she should have gotten warmed up before the primary, but whatever, she's very warm now, and nobody's stupid math is going to get in her way. That's because she's a fighter. She will fight the math, and the math will lose.

    Now I know that some people in the fantasy-based community think that it isn't possible, that you can't beat the math. But these people have been duped by the Repukelican attack machines who want us to believe that math matters so that we won't elect the only person in the world who can destroy them. But those evil Repugnics know full well that math is a joke. After all, it didn't stop George Bush from stealing Florida.

    So you Obamaniacals can sniff your kool-aid and whine about the math all you want. When it comes to the convention, Hillary's going stick your big bad math up Obama's big bad you-know-what. LOL!!!!!!! (That means laugh out loud. And the exclamation points are to show how hard I am laughing.)

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