A MYSTERY PART DEAUX    

The morning always comes sooner when you cogitate through most of the night.  Sir Rathbone really attempted to fit all the clues into some paradigm over his favorite scotch and this new vice from Asia he received through new trade contacts during the holy wars.  Rathbone, on his third pipe came up with an idea and promptly fell asleep in his chair.

An hour or so after sunrise, he awoke and went for a wash in the communal baths.  Gawain was there and the two struck up a conversation.

I heard there was a death last night.

Yes, Gawain, and I am in the middle of investigating a murder!!!

Was it Sir Lagamor?  He was beloved by all here.

Yes, Gawain.  But tell me some things about Sir Lagamor.  I have only come here of late at the invitation of Bedivere and am not familiar with the habits and customs at Camelot.

Sir Lagamor was kind of a mascot for Camelot.  At all events he was made prominent.  No one held bad feelings toward this Christian knight.  I had been his squire some fifteen twlevemonths ago, when I was but a lad.  He was a stern teacher but always rewarded me for chivalrous behavior and when he saw bravery in my actions.

But surely, some one at some time was grieved by Lagamor as the most Christian of Christian knights might cause someone to be grieved.

But Lagamor, like I have already related carried no sins like those most of us do.  He had not been in battle since Badon where he showed himself above and beyond what anyone had remembered.  Arthur, my King, had fallen off of his steed and Lagamor came out of nowhere and picked him up and taken him to a small mound where I espied him and brought him a new steed.

My study of this war demonstrated that King Lot, some call him the evil King Lot, held much animus toward King Arthur and his knights and yet, would visit the castle from time to time. And I had even heard that confederates of his dwell here even as we bathe in peace.

Oh, Duke Largo and William of Riley are present here.  I really had not thought much about them. My brother always throws ugly words at them, but they stay away from me, I am proud to say.  By the Battle of Badon of course, Lot had 'joined the cause' so that he might not be frozen out of the spoils. And his wife, Morganna, holds great hate against her half brother the King and most of the knights who dwell here.

Well, Gawain, if Largo and Riley are here, that would mean there are at least two enemies of Lagamor, doest not thou think?

Rathbone, you have a point.  But beware, it is not of use to voice rumors or possibilities without proof.

Oh, I am schooled in such things dear boy, and all I am asking is your help.  And I needs you to keep this conversation between us and tell no one. Is that a deal struck between us?

Yes, yes. I will not even tell my best friend and brother Gareth. And certainly not emissaries of my father Lot.

Rathbone winced.  He had forgotten that the entire time Gawain had spoke of Lot he was speaking of his own father.  But fiefs were of the utmost import among knights and nothing would stand in the way of Gawain's honor toward his king. Morganna, of course, was Gawain's step mother and he owed her no allegiance.  Tell me though Gawain, where do Largo and Riley bed?

Come, we will dress and I will show you on the sly so as not to be noticed.

The two quickly dressed and with diligence proceeded to the upper floors.  

This is their bed Rathbone.  Two soldiers and their squires were asleep in the small room.  The stench of ale and old socks permeated the airs.

Let us leave this place.  And the two proceeded to Rathbone's quarters.

Watson. Watson.

Yes, Sir Rathbone. I am here but I have brought someone.

Oh, there you are Watson.  What's this then?

I brought Snerf and Macaca. Snerf, show Sir Rathbone what you have shown me.

Snerf brought out a kerchief from his pocket that had belonged to Palidan. Macaca, here...now find Palidan's sword.

HAHHHHHH. HAHHHHHH. Macaca shrieked.  He always shrieked in capital letters also. Macaca jumped up and down off the gables, swinging to and fro, fro and to.  African monkeys always had a good sense of smell.  Not as keen as dogs, but because of their reasoning abilities they were better able to make use of scent.  The humans proceeded to follow the lower hominid around the rear portion of the castle.

Up in the rafters, in the corner of the room above the dungeon, Macaca began shrieking again and brought down Palidan's sword and brought it to Snerf.  Snerf looked it over and handed it to Rathbone, noting that there was dried blood upon the curved blade.

Sir Rathbone spoke.  This was the murder weapon.  Since there is no CSI we work with the clues we can discern with today's technology.  Clearly the sword was missing from Palidan's chest and surely it was hidden here, in the rafters so as to escape discovery.  Clearly this blood gives the reason for why it was hidden.  And surely, it was hidden here by a very tall murderer.

Very tall? Watson and Snerf called out at the same time.

Yes Watson.  Elementary, really.  Over in that corner is a stool, but in order to reach the rafters, the person hiding the weapon would have to be tall enough to reach while standing on the stool.

Watson grabbed the stool and brought it to the location where the sword was discovered.  He stood on the stool and he was clearly a foot and a half too short to have been able to have placed the sword where it had been found by the monkey.

Snerf noted that: There is only one man large enough to have reached the rafters from that stool and that is Beau Manes. But Beau Manes would not hurt a flea unless ordered to do so.

Go and fetch this Manes fellow at once Snerf.

Snerf returned shortly and Beau Manes appeared. Gawain began laughing.  Rathbone shushed him and ordered Beau to stand on the stool. The stool promptly broke into six pieces.

Tell me Gawain, what are you laughing at.  

So-called Beau Manes is my brother Gaharis.  Garahis, when didst thou start working in the kitchen?

About two moons ago.

Well go back and I will tell no one.

That is my brother Gaharis and he did not kill anyone and he has never stolen or even borrowed anything in his whole life.  When we were kids, Gareth and I once buried him alive and when we chickened out and returned, he was sitting on a mound of dirt laughing.  He could have killed us both with one great swing of his fists and he would not hurt his brothers, no matter how evil we were.  Hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hmmmmmmmmmh. Hummed Rathbone.  Then that settles it, who ever did this foul deed had to have had a monkey like Macaca.  Or some such animal.  We shall attend the festivities tonight and Snerf shall hide in here.  Is that all right Snerf?

Yes, Govner. Snerf always wanted to say Govner and this was his first chance.

Good. We shall come and check on you at ten bells.

That night, Leonardo,  the court jester would perform and Tristan would sing.

Everyone was present with the King presiding.

Everyone except Lancelot and Palidan of course.

Oh and Dobbs. But no one seemed to have missed fathead.  All he would ever do was go on and on about illegal Angles.  We shall look into how he is faring later.

Leonardo began the proceedings.

Ladies and gents, motherf%^$#rs and fatherf%^$#rs.....

With that, the King gave the signal to the royal stickman.  This fellow was rather large with a mask that made him look like the Royal Executioner.  As a matter of fact he was the Royal Executioner, but that is another story.

The stickman, would, on cue from the King, hit Leonardo over the head with a long flat stick.

Leonardo, stunned, got up immediately, as he was wont to do.  As he did so, the crowd laughed and laughed and laughed.  It worked every time. After regaining his composure, Leonardo began again.

A funny thing happened on the way to Camelot this morning. The local chaplain stopped to ask me if I could grant his indulgence concerning some question he had about the show tonight and I told him, hey, you're the one in charge of indulgences. Silence.
The King gave the stickman the word and, well you can guess the rest.

Meantime, out by the rafters....

Snerf and Macaca were in the ill lighted room, hiding in the shadows caused by the ill light.

NINE BELLS, NINE BELLS, NINE BELLS

That was the signal for nine bells.  Ever since the Great Bell of Camelot broke over a twelvemonth ago, the bell man had to yell out the time by the hour.  

Just then there was movement from the open door into the room.  Snerf looked at Macaca.
Earlier that evening, under orders by Rathbone, Snerf had given his monkey a wooden sword to hide in the rafters where they had discovered Palidan's sword.  The thing moved slowly across the floor toward the area where the sword was hidden.

Snerf gave the cue to Macaca to get Rathbone. That was one clever monkey.  Quickly, but quietly, he scampered out to the hall and ran to the show in the Royal Living Room.

Meanwhile, back at the RLR...

The fourteenth time that Leonardo had been hit by the stickman, he chose not to get up. That was the cue for Tristan to present a musical piece for the evenings festivities:


We sailed on the ship Belle Tres
My grandfather and me
Around Tin-ta-gel we did roam
Drinkin all night
Got into a fight
Well I feel so broke up
I wanna go home

So hoist up the Belle Tres Sails
See how the main sail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home
Let me go home
I wanna go home, yeah yeah
Well I feel so broke up
I wanna go home

The first mate he got drunk
Broke in the cap'ns trunk
The sheriff had to come
And take him away
Sheriff John Stone
Why don't you leave me alone
Yeah, yeah
Well I feel so broke up
I wanna go home

So hoist up the Belle Tres Sail
See how the main sail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home
Let me go home
I wanna go home, yeah yeah
Well I feel so broke up
I wanna go home

Tristan as usual, received his standing ovation. And just then, Macaca flew in via the rafters and alit on the lap of Sir Rathbone.

Rathbone turned to Watson, the game's afoot, grab Bedivere.

Rathbone immediately ran to the place where Snerf awaited.  Just as he arrived, he saw the creature climbing or rather sliming up the wall to the rafter where Palidan's sword had been.
Within minutes Bedivere showed up with Watson and three of the King's guards with cross bows.

Fire, ordered Bedivere and with that two of the guards nailed the green slime.

The stinky, slimy thing slowly dripped onto the floor. Rathbone hurried to the puddle.
What, what, what.  Rathbone always spoke like that when he was nervous. The odor was atrocious and the King was not even there.