Our three dark age Musketeers (sans muskets) awoke and mustered their troops to attack a particular part of the Eastern Wall. The tattooed ones called the picts had breached the wall and were across it with some three thousand crazy men screaming and using poles, spikes, swords and arrows.  The generals took advantage of Gawain' magical powers and Gawain, leading five hundred of the best knights, attacked the bloody rioters head on at the earliest hour. The bloodshed was immense.

Gawain took care of fifty Picts all by himself and this was before ten.  And Gawain's power grew three fold after that until noon, doing away with a hundred more Picts.

At noon, and at the height of Gawain's strength, the Moor arrived with five hundred fresh troops from the east and Sir Moshe appeared from the west with five hundred more and before three in the afternoon (Greenwich time) the battle was over.  Sir Moshe distinguished himself above them all by driving three hundred picts back over the wall in fear. Sir Paladin was above and beyond the call of duty attacking from the east and saving Gawain' left flank. (I am not sure what that means but I heard it so many times in John Wayne movies I could not help myself)

At one point a Pict had jumped from the wall onto Gawain and his horse, Gawain fell to the ground.  Just then Sir Moshe came on his horse, quickly took care of the Pict and picked up Gawain and took him back to his steed.

At last the battle was over. Victory over the Picts. The tattooed ones went back north of the wall to their whiskey and golf.

Our triumvirate retired to their pavilions and skipped any refreshment although Moshe, of all people, made sure that Senor Eduardo received his bucket of ale.

The next day, none the worse for wear, the three knights proceeded south.  Everyone, including the horses seemed just fine and there was always that rush of adrenaline that comes with victory.

About one hundred sixty miles out, they saw a miracle.  A huge monster had arisen from a cart and destroyed the Dragon of York, right before their eyes. It truly was a wonder to behold.
The knights dismounted and prayed to Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  And they then approached the cart and met Shiteface.  

Job well done, said Sir Palidan. Job well done.  They then finished introductions and talked the road contractor into following them to Camelot.

They finally arrived and came to the stables.  Sir Moshe's Arab had been limping the last mile home.  He of course dismounted and walk the last leg with his best friend in the world. Well, I hope this clears up.

Senor Eduardo spoke up.  We need the Belle of the Stables. She is the best tender for the horses in the realm. I have personally seen her at work and her patients are never put down, as it were.

Where is this magical Belle, Senor Eduardo, Moshe pined.  

Why there she is.  And the Belle magically appeared and immediately went to the wounded horse.

Another soldier down, eh? The Belle slowly approached the Arab, looking closely into his eyes. Shhhhhhhsssssshhhhhhh. Hi there buddy. You have a hard time in battle? Hey its ok. You want some help? Your master relies upon you. You and Moshe are a team huh?  Good. You mind if I take a look? Just a quick look see?  She got down on her knees and at first the Arab flinched.  Belle only had to look into his eyes and the horse was calmed. She stroked the leg, gently but with the firmness necessary to located the problem.

If you trust me you will follow me.  Sir Moshe never thought twice.

Sir Palidan caught her eyes and immediately was swept.  He stumbled trying to look cool even though he did not know what that meant.  Belle smiled coyly.

Belle took them to her stall and once the horse was safely inside, she began mixing a paste. She was using herbs and even spices and mixing them with words and care.  She went toward the Arab and whispered in his ear.  Slowly she knelt and applied the mixture to the leg. This one will not race or even ride for at least a fortnight. But he is a tough soldier and he shall survive this. Assuming you can kind knight.

Sir Moshe nodded and felt comforted that his steed would survive to fight again. The men left except for the Moor. Palidan kind of lollygagged around and came to 'discuss certain matters' with the Belle.

You seem to have a heart for wounded soldiers my Belle.  

You may call me by my Christian name, Michelle.

Michelle ma belle
These are words that go together well,
My Michelle,

Michelle ma belle,
Sont les mots qui vont très bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble.
        
I found you I found you I found you
With the mighty steeds
And you fulfill all my needs
My Michelle, My Michelle

Michelle ma belle,
Sont les mots qui vont très bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble.

   

Meanwhile back at Camelot...

Spring had arrived and Easter was upon the realm. It was the time of renewal, Our Lord & Savior has arisen once again and the sun began to shine to make for a longer day.  First there was Easter Bunny Hunt where the tots would seek out the rabbits who had burrowed their way into the ground during the late fall.  The stable men had taken tiny bunnies of course and put them in the 'burrowed hole that morning.  Then the children were sent out with wooden swords. 

It was so darling to see the little buggers come back to the stands with two or three little bunnies hanging on their swords.  All the tots came back with bunny blood all over their cute little faces laughing and jumping up and down.  Mamas were all so proud and soon there would be rabbit stew for dinner.

It was just about time for the great Nashorse Race. The finest steeds from all over Europe were in attendance. All different colors and sheens on these equines together with the most beautiful of garbs. The knights paraded their steeds carrying  great flags representing their clans. The great arena provided a make shift starting gate and the course would run

Prior to the race the King, on this great day of Our Lord, there was the knighting of new prospects. A great presentation that was made in front of the crowd prior to the race and reflecting the rebirth of the realm. There was a prescreening if you will, a type of rehearsal held in the King's special room just behind the stands.

This is the great Dragon Slayer, one of our best contractors, Sir Shiteface Sire. Said Sir Bedivere.

Oh, come here Bede. The King motioned to Bedivere.  We cannot have a Sir Shiteface Bede, How the hell did he come to that moniker? And besides, we need royal blood here do we not.
I think it is grand that he took on the Dragon of York, but, geez....

Well sire, ah...this is kind of a delicate matter. We kind of looked into this, me and Blaise, and it seems he has some royal blood. King Uther seemed to have save this man's mother in a battle at Hadrian's wall sometime ago. And he reported to Blaise that this beautiful red head had 'joined him' so to speak for a happy weekend, as it were in the north, following the battle and well one thing turned to another thing and evidently nine moons or so later, this gentleman appeared.

Oh Geez. are they sure about this?

Just then Uther appeared in a vision to King Arthur. Arthur, Arthur, my son and successor.

Arthur fell to his knees in awe of the specter (not the senator but a ghost, sometimes on CSPAN it is easy to confuse the two) and the entire group of knights in this pavilion fell to their knees in confusion because no one could see the specter but the King.

Uther, the lad's real name is McDougal, from his step father.  He has no knowledge of me and his mother Fanny, joining together Jason/Medea sacred ritual...er...so to speak. And whoooooaaaaa, (ghosts like to speak like that. I never really understood why but it appears it sells more popcorn and those chocolate raisin thingies) you must listen to your father Arthur. Christen him McDougal by the Archbishop here and then knight him McDougal. Also fire that immigration officer. Oh, and could you repaint my tombstone?  Over and out, great son of mine. Oh and blame his paternity of Ector. He is used to it.

With that the King rose as the specter dissolved into the shadows.  Let us pray....

After the prayer everyone arose.  Sir Ector come over here.

Yes son, er Sire.

Listen Dad, I got this delicate matter going on here. Shiteface over there seems to be born of a union between a fanny and my er...real Father and we need some royal blood here but we do notwish to er...speak of my father's relationship with this fanny so would you mind awfully not if we kind of had you take the blame here or the credit so to speak?

Sure son, that is what I am here for and you were so kind to Kay and everything. So go ahead.

All righty then. Shiteface come here.  The Archbishop will hereby rechristen you  McDougal and I will knight you with the others.

Fine with me Sire. I noticed a lot of snickering over my name in these parts anyway. And with that the Archbishop christened Shiteface McDougal and Shiteface was never heard from again.

The next candidate is Snerf the hunchback. Said Bedivere.

Come here Bede.

Just then the specter of Uther appeared again and it seems like there was another tryst just outside of Corwall, and well you can guess the rest.

But an Angel of the Lord appeared after the ghost dissolved and he went to Snerf:

Bow down oh Snerf. Snerf duly knelt. 

You are hereby cured of your affliction and from now on you shall be known as Sundance.

The Angel then disappeared.

An Angel's word is good enough for me, said the King, but he had the Archbishop rechristen Snerf anyway. Sundance arose, cured, no hunchback. He felt young again. No wart on his face. And he started thinking about the girl in the kitchen again. But what to do with Macaca?

They were led out from the pavilion and the King duly knighted Sir McDougal and Sir Sundance and the crowd was delighted.

Sir Tristan appeared and sang a song:

At last, my knighthood has arrived
My lowly days are over
And nothing can ever go wrong
Oh yea, at last
My blood is  really blue
My peasant days are over
And I am part of the royal crew
I found a home that I can come to
A name that I can call my own
A thrill that I have never known
Oh yeah I have gone so many miles
And I always felt the last
And now I am in heaven
For the world is mine
At last



Tristan bowed and proclaimed, THERE IS NOBODY LIKE ETTA JAMES.


Back at the stables, the night before the festivities, Sir Palidan came out of the back building with a smile on his face and a new love in his heart. Now he truly knew what bliss was and it was not that feeling you are supposed to have when you leave the communion rail.

Senor Eduardo caught his master sneaking out. Hmmmmmm. Master.

Oh uh howdy Senor Eduardo.  How are we tonight.

We are not quite as well off as thee, I should guess. Hheeeehaaaaww Heeeehaaaaaw

Sshhhhhhh. Someone might hear.  What do you want you old nag?

Look Palidan, for the race tomorrow I have an idea.

Ok, it is your show Senor. Your run. I told you after this hard battle and this long, long trek, if you wanted to sit it out it would be ok with me.

No, no, I am fine. I have an idea.  Sir Moshe is so much lighter than thee.

Tell me Eduardo, does my butt look big in these leggings?

Oh cut it out. Not to Belle I should think!!! No, I can run faster with our Hebrew friend astride me than thou.

I agree. If we win, you and I get two thirds and we give a third to Sir Moshe.  Good idea. I am a little sore anyway.

From the battle or the battle?

Sir Palidan left whistling Michelle.  Where on earth did I first hear that?