I am sick and tired of hearing about the American workforce losing jobs to countries where the people are willing to work for pennies a day.  Clearly something has to be done, and since, we can't expect American workers to work for pennies a day, the answer is obvious; We must dramatically raise the salaries of all those youngsters in Guatemala that are undercutting our beloved American labor force by working for practically nothing.

Now, there are a couple ways we could do this; one, we could use left over stimulus money to buy up and/or nationalize all the companies in all foreign countries and issue a blanket declaration, raising every worker's salary to 10 times the American minimum wage, or we could unionize all the workers in every third world country this side of Jakarta and call for an immediate coordinated mass wildcat strike, wherein one of their demands would be for salaries 10 times the American minimum wage. This option might be slightly more difficult, especially in countries with corrupt dictators ruling with iron fists. But, nothing is impossible.

Our ace in the hole, of course, is that we can always, and by mere coincidence, discover huge amounts of weapons of mass destruction buried near any dictator's presidential palace, and 'decide' it's necessary for a coalition of NATO nations (with none of our troops on the ground, mind you), to run the aforementioned dictator out of town on a rail.  The puppet replacement government, would, of course, be pro-labor, and pro-America. (I mean, what the hell are puppet governments for, if they're not going to be on our side, right?)  Anyway, with the approval of the new government, we would go back and proceed using option one, raising the salaries of all workers to 10 times the minimum wage or whatever the comparable U.S. salary levels are for those jobs.

These actions will a) create lots of foreign workers with lots of cash to spend on American products (Remember, in this scenario, we own all the foreign companies, so everything purchased anywhere would be an American product) and b) it will speed up the creation of a huge, thriving middle class in all those foreign countries, and in just a few short years, all their workers will be fat and lazy and unwilling to work for anything less than a 10 percent Cost of Living raise each year.

That's when we spring the trap; we tell those workers, "Oh yeah? Well, either you work for a tenth of your last year's salary or we'll move all the jobs back to the USA, where there are people willing to work for less money and fewer benefits."  The Guatemalan teenagers and every other third world worker currently taking advantage of American corporate greed for cheaper labor, will, become panicky, because with their burgeoning credit card debt and the mortgage on their homes, they will be unable to go back to working for a pittance, and the companies, seeing that it is no longer profitable for them, will move all the jobs back to a grateful America, where workers and American companies will thrive once again.  The End.