Doc Cleveland: Advice From Actors To Academics
It is two O'clock in the morning and I am watching some infomercial because Justified has run its course—they are playing the second season in the early morning hours anticipating its return.
I cannot help it.
I am mesmerized by this Kevin Trudeau.
Obsessive/compulsive is some vague term that leads one into professional lexiconal bullshit.
I mean Tiger Woods is obsessed by golf. He thinks of nothing but 'shots' when he is not thinking about the female backside.
He likes to go on a golf course safari with some friend like boffo or mick or whoever and when it is his turn on this links practice time, Tiger will hit a bunch of balls into the woods or the rough or right down the middle of the fairway and then determine the best manner in which the ball might be driven to a point of value from all these spots.
Ted Williams, it is said, would talk for hours about batting.
If it were not for two wars and five or six full years away from his love during the height of his career, Ted might have put up the greatest statistics of any batter in American Baseball.
So we have a WWII hero, a Korean War hero and he did not give one damn about conversation unless it involved batting. No DiMaggio here. Fielding was not a good subject to discuss.
But the idea of compulsion is usually laid upon the 'losers' of humanity.
This guy washes his hands to the point where blood pours out of his fingernails.
That guy folds his washed nickers into a wonder that could become art form following every laundry day.
This guy stares at a blank screen on his computer for two hours at a time with nothing typed nor any notes written on the pad that sits by that screen.
That guy takes ten minutes every morning to properly tie his running shoes whilst his run is less than fifteen minutes each morning.
This guy vacuums his rug twice a day in his million dollar condominium and completes his worthless task with a half hour of spraying anti-bacterial solvent and he does not even allow a gold-fish in his sterile abode.
But it is the criminal obsessive who really intrigues all of us. I can say this because the criminal obsessive is a character who makes his author billions of dollars in stage and screen and novel proceeds.
Sherlock is obsessed with tobacco ash.
Perot is obsessed with his hair.
Julia is obsessed with cutting onions.
McCarthy is obsessed with commies.
Santorum is obsessed with homos.
Mitt is obsessed with himself.
Jesse and Dillinger and Madoff are obsessed with robbing banks.
But Kevin Trudeau is obsessed with graft in this new world of technological wonder.
Now good psychologists will tell you that there are several different personality disorders that are associated with the word 'obsessive'; I need no lectures on this subject.
But I do know that drug dealers get out of prison and will sell drugs; bank robbers will get out of prison and rob banks; felonious aides to the Vice-President of the United States will have their sentences commuted, their law licenses suspended and will end up in some plush new job in a new location and will continue behaviors that turned them into felons in the first place.
Brains develop patterns and individuals become caught up in those patterns; unless or until they catch a degree at ITT Tech or something.
In 1990 Kevin Trudeau was indicted for the first time.
This old indictment that eventually sent Kevin to the slammer recited his credit card frauds committed between 1984 and 1990.
It seems he was using the credit card information collected from customers who had purchased his memory improvement program to ring up thousands of dollars in personal charges on the credit card numbers he received during his promotions. He was also caught posing as a doctor attempting to cash fake checks. Trudeau plead guilty to fraud and larceny and spent two years in a federal prison for his crimes.
Now since he was born in 1963 we can see him developing a career at age 21. hahaha
Can you imagine. This scam artist has been doing this for 28 frickin years!
The book Kevin Wrote called," Natural Cures They Don't Want You to Know About" contains false information claiming that the government and other agencies are creating a conspiracy against "natural It seems he was using the credit card information collected from customers who had purchased his memory improvement program to ring up thousands of dollars in personal charges. He was also caught posing as a doctor attempting to cash fake checks. Trudeau plead guilty to fraud and larceny and spent two years in a federal prison for his crimes cures". This is the bases for the Kevin Trudeau Fraud.
The next time Kevin appears following his 2 year stint in prison appears to be 9/07/04.
After he gets out of the can, KT starts his infomercial campaigns for late night TV.
Federal Trade Commission settlement with Kevin Trudeau – a prolific marketer who has either appeared in or produced hundreds of infomercials – broadly bans him from appearing in, producing, or disseminating future infomercials that advertise any type of product, service, or program to the public, except for truthful infomercials for informational publications. In addition, Trudeau cannot make disease or health benefits claims for any type of product, service, or program in any advertising, including print, radio, Internet, television, and direct mail solicitations, regardless of the format and duration. Trudeau agreed to these prohibitions and to pay the FTC $2 million to settle charges that he falsely claimed that a coral calcium product can cure cancer and other serious diseases and that a purported analgesic called Biotape can permanently cure or relieve severe pain.
This time Kevin is playing doctor again and offering cures in his books.
The cures are bullshite of course!
But then again half of the medicine sold over the airways by certified pharmacists are nothing but caffeine and aspirin.
And the other half of the medicines sold are prescription drugs that must be prescribed by a doctor and why they are advertising these drugs directly to consumers must mean that they have decided that a sales pitch from the ground up works better than all those bribes the companies give to doctors per sports tickets and free qualifying seminars (CME's) and bowls of fruit and stuff.
I mean which is worse?
A doctor who is being bribed by a drug company to prepare test results that indicate that the actual pill is better than a placebo by a factor of .002%?
Or a character from Monty Python who tells you up front that he is not a doctor (at least since his last stint in prison) and that drug companies do not like him. Hahahahahah
Well the FTC comes after him; the wheels of justice move slowly. And he manages to really really piss them off.
First he is charged $2million bucks for his misrepresentations by the Administrative Judges involved in the FTC action but he claims he is short of money and gets them to accept some cash and a car and some land because he is broke (yeah, sure!).
Second, he is threatened with a fine ten times the original amount if it is discovered that he is hiding assets (fat chance of that huh?) or if he ever engages in similar conduct again. Hahahahahah
I mean what in the hell would this guy be expected to do?
I mean I love this guy.
I do not know if it is his good looks, his gaze that is just off a bit due to some problem with his left pupil, his slight speech impediment or his smile that looks a lot like Cantor's seals the deal for me.
But I am quite taken by this guy.
Early last year his infomercials were done with two interviewers with the largest racks I have ever seen outside of some Jersey Shore exhibition or a porno site.
Now he just runs these scams with a more modest women wearing clothing that covers up her secondary sexual traits—except for the short skirt that reveals her legs.
Well, 2007 comes around and guess what?
The FTC thinks that Kevin has not kept up his end of the deal. Hahaahahah
By the 27th of September, 2007:
The Federal Trade Commission has charged Kevin Trudeau with violating a court order by allegedly misrepresenting the contents of his book, “The Weight Loss Cure ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know About,” in several infomercials.
This time Kevin was selling diets. Hahahahahaha
Remember how his special medical cures were upsetting to the drug manufacturers because there was some conspiracy by the drug companies and the government and the CIA (?) and the Better Business Bureau (?) to keep this information from you?
Well there were conspiracies by Weight Watchers and other nutrition companies to keep you fat. Hahahaa
See, I tell ya, this guy is a wonder!
Well a Federal Judge reinstates the FTC of $20,000,000 plus interest making the total due and owing $37,000,000. hahaahahhahahahh
JUST AS PROMISED!
Just last year Kevin was picked up again while he was filing appeal after appeal after appeal from these rulings.
I think he is coming to the point where his only relief left will be the Supremes.
Anyway, his latest infomercials are all about how to get free money from the government. He actually refers to the guy who is an expert in this area; the guy with the strange sport coats and glasses but claims his book is shorter and easier to read.
The is a trillion bucks somewhere in government storage that is ear marked for you but they are holding the monies until you notify them and in only 20 seconds on the internet you should be able to find five hundred bucks or fifty bucks or two million bucks.
But here is how it works really:
During this infomercial, Trudeau makes some pretty big claims of his book. According to Trudeau, senate bills are in place that “offer over $800 BILLION dollars” to the American citizen who knows how to access the “100,000 organizations and sources”. His claim is that the politicians promise their community a certain amount of money in order to be elected (he calls these funds “payoffs”), and then set up these programs in secret to allow their friends access. Allegedly “over 140 million average Americans” are eligible for the same programs, but “they” don’t want you to know about them. Trudeau goes on to tell viewers that in less than 30 seconds he was able to apply for a program featured in his book and received a check for $253. In less than 15 seconds he applied for a second program that amounted to $1,500 (at this point in the informercial, fine print flashes across the bottom of the screen: “Results not typical”). In fact, he guarantees that if you purchase his book and do not get at least $500 in free money you can return the book for a full refund. A 1-800 number appears at the bottom of the screen, along with a purchase price of just $29. With a money back guarantee that you will earn your $29 back, plus at least another $471 within 30 days, it seems like viewers can’t really go wrong with purchasing this book. Trudeau even sweetens the pot by offering to send you copies of two of his other books, absolutely free. It really can’t be repeated enough: If something seems too good to be true, it almost certainly is! So, what’s the catch?
As with all of Kevin Trudeau’s previous self-published books, readers are surprised to find that the books do not actually contain actual links or information on how exactly to get this ‘free’ money. Instead, the pages are filled with success stories and vague information (Trudeau shies away from mentioning actual names or studies, making it virtually impossible to substantiate many of his claims), directing readers to sign up on Kevin Trudeau’s website on which he promises you will finally find the information you thought you already purchased. Readers are even more surprised when they arrive at Trudeau’s website and find that to access the information they will need to pay an additional $71, per month. Those that do pay the monthly subscription fee receive yet another shock when they attempt to apply to the programs apparently designed for the average American only to find they are not eligible, the program has expired or never existed in the first plac....
The final blow comes when they receive their first bank or credit card statement. The book may have cost ‘just’ $29, but the shipping charge is an extra $25. And the books that he promised to throw in for free? Each ‘free’ book added an additional $25 shipping charge to your total bill. Many customers have reported that while they were on the phone ordering “Free Money”, the salesperson talked them into several more ‘free’ books, and even told the customers they needed to sign up for Trudeau’s newsletter to complete the order process. The newsletter is none other than the $71 per month subscription mentioned earlier. The ‘sweet deal’ has now cost around $175.00.
This scam is not much different from shamwow and pj's with feet and.... whatever.
The salespeople make their monies off of the S&H.
I get not one penny off the sale of this book; I do this as a public service.
Kevin actually says this! And if you look at the original indictment and some of the other FTC orders you will see that he is enjoined from making any money on infomericials.
So I think this statement refers to some under the table thing where some corporation receives the money and he cleans his arse in this manner so that he might keep some claim in Federal Court that he makes no money from this infomercial.
I mean, who knows maybe he has a nephew fronting some corporation who then pays him millions to clean his garage or something.
I mean this comment by Trudeau about how he is performing a public service during his infomercial sounds a lot like Romney!
Romney runs for the Presidency as a public service.
Besides the infomercial he now has an infomercial out about his infomercial.
This second ploy is an attempt to look as if the narrator/emcee/reporter/actress is a real investigative reporter and that her 'team' has researched this book and followed up by interviewing successes. That is, these individuals are 'interviewed' at their 'homes' and we learn that members of Kevin's readerships have made one million, two million bucks using his 'methods' that they never have to pay back.
One lady claims she now makes 17,000 a year; each and every year by using Trudeau's methods.
I know this blog is just too damn long but I really cannot figure out a better way of explaining why I am just mesmerized by this guy.
In a way, Kevin Trudeau is the representative of American Capitalism and American Politics all at the same time.
When you think about it what is the real difference between Trudeau and Issa?
I am going to follow up on this to make my argument that Trudeau is doing nothing different than any of the current repub candidates for the Presidency—except for Ron Paul.