I've been worried about how much I'm spending on Obama contributions and had no idea how I was going to recoup the money---which is extra dear because it is "after tax" dollars. Going to Las Vegas is out of the question because the idea of being in the same state with Sheldon Adelson is revolting. I could cut down on the Chick-Fil-A combos but that would take twenty years to break-even. Fortunately Romney and Pat Robertson have revealed Obama's plan to take God off our coins once he's elected. And it looks as if Obama will be re-elected---unless God quickly sends down a Robertson-style intervention in the form of an attack on our Motherland or a hurricane hitting Washington D.C.to remind us of the Almighty's potential vengeance if Obama were to win again.

With the revelation that Obama will get rid of God coins the perfect bet, even better than Intrade, is to hoard God coins. Once Obama has taken all the God coins out of circulation, any which have been hidden will be worth a fortune to collectors as well as to religious sects. I can see something along the idea of Amish, Shaker and possibly even Mormon sects springing up in which the underground commerce will be conducted entirely in God coins. The Shaker option might be preferable since the sexes would be completely segregated, making moot Robertson's plan for male sect members to take their women out of the country to beat them into submission.  

I've begun construction of a vault to hoard my God coins, but there are a lot of unanswered questions. I wish Romney had been more specific about our paper currency, for example. I don't want to construct a vault to hold coins if Obama's plan includes paper money. Aside from mildew, hoarding paper seems much easier than hoarding coins. Why didn't Romney address paper money? The guy has a habit of leaving things out. And which coins, for example, would be removed first, nickels, dimes or quarters? Someone has disingenuously suggested that Romney said the word "coin" in order to deflect any associations with his great amount of "money".

I emptied my sock of hundreds of coins out on the kitchen table. The heavy wool sock collection method came to me serendipitously one day after a bad skiing trip, and followed a long line of spare change experiments which variously included an old Velveeta box made of wood slats, an antique Japanese vase which was stolen, and a Ziplock freezer bag. A long woolen ski sock full of God coins is a ready made Christmas gift as well as a defensive weapon if you ever stall out on the Cross Bronx Expressway and have to walk home.

With the coins spread out on the table I quickly surmised that quarters were the obvious choice to hoard. When I counted them up I already had several hundred---which makes a small but serious commitment to hoarding God Quarters. There was momentary disillusionment when I looked up the number of U.S quarters in circulation and realized there were more than a billion of them, equaling about $270,000,000, which somewhat exceeds my budget. Nevertheless Obama is apparently so committed to his Godless conspiracy that there is no doubt he will begin removing them from circulation as soon as he is re-elected. I wondered why he didn't just do it in the first two years when he held a majority in the Congress.

BTW, because the $270,000,000 is exactly equal to Romney's net worth I looked for clues from him and Robertson that they might have already hoarded God coins in the Caymans and were intent on throwing the election---so that when Obama removed all the rest of the God coins, Robertson and Romney could quadruple their assets by releasing coins slowly as new God-coin religious sects sprang up all over the country. 

As the concrete was being poured for my new vault a question kept nagging at me, which was the sheer enormity of removing so many coins and even paper bills from circulation---about 20 billion coins and 15 billion paper bills. I also had some misgivings about the choice of quarters. I didn't know until I examined them that quarters now had individual states on them---like New Mexico and Colorado. Given events which are unfolding, which state would be better? What if Joe Arpaio already had a plan in place to garner all the Arizona quarters? If he ever did prove the forgery of Obama's birth certificate, Joe's reputation among Republicans would be so valuable that anything he touched would turn to gold, even silver quarters---and mine might not even be worth face value any longer. Crap, they finished the concrete already.

Speaking of face value, there have been people who have suggested that Romney's rant about God coins was not to be taken seriously. While there might be a few extra votes stashed away in those Virginia "hollers" which could be dragged out to the polls on election day by this last-straw, straw-man conspiracy, why would Romney make himself look foolish to the rest of the populace?

If you think about it, Obama would have to win the election, have a new Democratic House of Representatives plus 60 Democrats in the Senate to effect a complete overhaul of our currency. Well, Romney is a smart guy. Maybe he knows something that we don't.