SCROOGE McDUCK

This somehow led to a lesson Paul said Kentuckians should hold dear: Sure there are "problems" with the way America deals with the poor, but when they think about it, poor folks should thank goodness they're not stuck in one of those other horrible countries.

"The poor in our country are enormously better off than the rest of the world," Paul said. "Doesn't mean we can't do better, but we have to acknowledge and be proud of our system of capitalism, be proud of our American way."

How'd he get there? Paul told a little story about the Cold War to set up his argument that the poor have it pretty good in America when you really stop to think about it:

One of the important lessons that came out of the Cold War -- and this is an important description that I don't think comes up enough -- the Cold War was won by America because the engine of capitalism defeated the engine of socialism. The Soviets used to show a propaganda film -- they wanted to show how horrible America was and how our poor were doing so poorly. They filmed a building in the poor section of New York with some broken windows and they said, 'Oh this is how the poor in America lives.' But it backfired on them because the Soviet citizens looked at that video closely and they saw flickering color television sets in all those windows.

One clear difference between Curly Rand Paul and Rush Limbaugh is that rush knows he is a rich rotten son of a bitch.

Curly Rand Paul is one of millions in this country who do not even realize what pricks they really are.

"We have no doubt his liberality is well represented by his surviving partner," said the gentleman, presenting his credentials.

It certainly was; for they had been two kindred spirits.  At the ominous word "liberality," Scrooge frowned, and shook his head, and handed the credentials back.

"At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge," said the gentleman, taking up a pen, "it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and Destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time.  Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir."

"Are there no prisons?" asked Scrooge.

"Plenty of prisons," said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

"And the Union workhouses?"  demanded Scrooge.  "Are they still in operation?"

"They are.  Still," returned the gentleman, "I wish I could say they were not."

"The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?"  said Scrooge.

"Both very busy, sir."

"Oh!  I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course," said Scrooge.  "I'm very glad to hear it."

"Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude," returned the gentleman, "a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink and means of warmth.  We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices.  What shall I put you down for?"

"Nothing!" Scrooge replied.

"You wish to be anonymous?"

"I wish to be left alone," said Scrooge.  "Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer.  I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry.  I help to support the establishments I have mentioned -- they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there."

You see Rusher could easily be substituted for Scrooge in this clip from Dickens. Rush relishes rashness and rancidness. Rush loves to stick it to those who would feign to care for those who are not so well off.  And all those millions of angry, lost people  out there are strengthened in their contempt for humanity by this bulbous bastard. And that is why Rusher makes so goddamn much money.

The obvious difference between rush and Scrooge of course, is that the Rusher would be incapable of an epiphany. I mean, rush would have told the three Ghosts as well as the image of his deceased partner to go frick themselves, taken out a big old stogey, poured a glass of expensive brandy and dropped a couple of Viagra after awakened his fourth trophy bride.

Curly Rand is a different animal.  I am sure that when Pops read him a little Dickens after sunset, the boy would wonder why Scrooge did not partake of better sustenance on Christmas Eve. Perhaps Scrooge had not properly overseen his IRA. And certainly Curly Rand would have thought that Scrooge's clerk would have had a better time of it had he been more punctual and have laid off his amorous yearnings a little bit; saving himself the trouble of having so many mouths to feed.

But I must veer off this little path of comparison and discuss our new political leader up here in the great Northland.

Minnesota state Rep. Tom Emmer, the presumptive Republican nominee for governor, appears to be going into damage control mode in the wake of his proposal to lower the minimum wage for waiters by crediting their tips towards the state's wage requirement. He now has a listening tour session coming up this Wednesday, at which he will meet with servers.

Emmer said earlier this week that he would support such an idea, which is common in most other states. Minnesota is one of seven states that do not permit employers to pay less than the standard minimum wage to tipped workers. Federal law permits tipped workers' wages to be as low as $2.13 per hour, absent state regulation to the contrary, with tips given to workers credited against the minimum wage of $7.25 an hour employers are required to pay.

Rand would certainly agree with this new proposal of Emmer's. I mean Rand would tell us that you can give a bum 3 bucks for a happy meal or take the time to teach the bum how to fish.  Then one day the poor fellow could apply for a $5,000.00 check from BP.

Minnesota is a strange place politically. First you must understand that we are usually ahead of the Feds as far as minimum wage laws.

But Minnesota penalizes the 'tipping class' of workers by imputing income that they are not paid by their employer. So let's say that you are a waiter at a real dining establishment. And assume you are paid $8.00 an hour for a 35 hour week. So on paper you are being paid $280.00/week; except your withholding will demonstrate a paycheck for $280.00 + $56.00 for that week even though you never 'saw' the $56.00.

You see, the tipping class pays an extra 20% of withholding already.

I am sure that there are high class dining establishments in Manhattan where a waitress might make a hundred grand in one year. But it is not going to happen here in Minnesota.

What I think people like Curly Rand and Emmer would like to see would be a system for the working class where EVERYONE is paid on commission with no right to a wage whatsoever.

Fred in maintenance would appear before his boss every Friday and the boss would figure out through the use of some computer software, what Fred 'made' or brought in to the corporate coffers that week. Some weeks Fred would receive a 'bonus' and sometimes Fred would receive a middle finger and a grunt.

The end.

Here are some of the more rambunctious statements from Limbaugh lately from Media Matters.

Rush smears health group as "wacko bunch of leftist kooks" who are "no different than your crazy aunt in the basement"

Limbaugh: NRDC on spill commission like "putting Colonel Sanders on a commission to save the lives of chickens"

Limbaugh: Berwick is an "open advocate of rationing, which is shorthand for death panels"

Limbaugh: "All this talk about growth -- nothing but lies. ... If liars could fly, the White House would be an airport"

Limbaugh: Obama "destroy[ed] the economy," "squander[ed] a trillion dollars" "on purpose"

Limbaugh on immigration legislation in 1986: "Reagan's amnesty was a disaster"

Limbaugh on AZ law: Obama "sell[ing] the country and a particular state down the river in order to secure a voting bloc"