January 2, 2017: Burlington, VT
Unknown journalists recently reported (by courier pigeon) dangling electric lines in the hinterlands where some people had strung up Christmas lights around their dilapidated houses. Christmas was actually over, but why worry about facts?
Presently puckering up in his sinking Vladimir-a-Lago mansion, Resident Elect Crumple Thinskin (RECT) golfed out of sight of those who used to be called The Press. Decidedly sure, 17 federal agencies had told him that Russia hacked our election. Crumple’s orange twitterhead imploded. “I know more than you do,” he resorted. “I also know “things” that other people don’t know.”
Under scrutiny, the media ate the dog and the birds flew north. Next day, the sun didn’t rise and certain pigeons were set to be tethered. Thinskin declared root crops such as carrots and turnips, and in fact the whole underground, fake. “More Christmas lights!” shouted the unknown journalists. “We will soon find out later whether Godot is coming, on Tuesday, or Wednesday, or what.”