Overstock CEO Patrick Byrne has been spending a lot of time on the Fox Business Network. A couple days ago, Byrne was on FBN’s Happy Hour, refusing to disclose that his company is being investigated by the SEC. But a few days before that, Byrne was on FBN’s “Scoreboard,” where host David Asman gushingly referred to Byrne as a “Swashbuckling Captain of Capitalism.”

Thinking about that, I figured it would be good to give people a five-point plan on how to be a “Swashbuckling Captain of Capitalism” ala Byrne:

1) Have a rich father or mother. This is a must.

2) Have that parent buy you a company.

3) Never make a profit and blame endless array of bad financial reports on software glitches.

4) Get investigated by the SEC twice in three years.

5) Blame everything on naked short sellers.

Seriously, just follow these steps that worked so well for Byrne and you, too, will be a “Swashbuckling Captain of Capitalism” and appear on Fox Business Network. Oh, and give a lot of money to the GOP while you’re at it, just in case.

–WKW