William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Health care reform passes big hurdle - Zombies take to the streets

    WASHINGTON - By the skin of their teeth, Senate Democrats voted to begin formal debate on the Health Care Reform bill that would guarantee medical coverage for nearly all Americans. All Senate Republicans voted to shelve the bill.

    Seconds after the vote, the dead began rising from their graves and started walking amongst the living, meeting at Capitol Hill for an impromptu protest. When interviewed, the Zombies said they believed health care reform would lead to a New World Order, create “Death Panels,” and force both men and women to have abortions.

    “Braaaiiinnnsss,” said one Zombie.

    “We know that Americans oppose this bill,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) said, referring to a Washington Post-Los Angeles Times poll which found Americans split on the bill, and a CBS News Poll that found that Americans overwhelmingly support a health care reform bill with a public option. “We think the Zombies prove it.”

    Despite their grandiose reputation as unstoppable brain-eaters, however, the Zombies seemed confused, stalking in circles and fighting amongst each other. Many of the Zombies held signs demanding that President Barack Obama release his real birth certificate, while others seemed more interesting in a first-strike nuclear assault on Iran. The vast majority of the Zombies apparently showed up for the reported Free Brain Buffet and round-trip transportation, and seemed to have no non-brain opinions.

    Lobbyist Dick Armey, whose non-profit FreedomWorks organization sponsored the Zombie rally, said that it was yet more proof that Americans - both dead and alive - want less government control in their lives and don’t want to pay any taxes whatsoever for any reason outside of war.

    “Braaaiiinnss,” said Armey.

    Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said that - while the Zombies were clearly an annoyance - he didn’t anticipate that they would be able to stop the push for health care reform.

    “We’ve been dealing with zombies for a while, we’re sort of immune to them by now,” said Reid. "Ironically, the vast majority of these Zombies would benefit from true health care reform."



    This writer is either a troll or has no braiiiiiiiins.

    They're going to love it when all their asses are voted out in 2010.

    35% support socialism.... and the rest of us reject it.

    Wolfie, I knew you were talented but this takes the cake. Writing a blog while simultaneously trolling it. Well done, my friend.

    I got mad multi-tasking skillz.

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