William K. Wolfrum's picture

    A 9/12 Miracle: 34 million show up for BBQ at my house

    MY HOUSE - In what many are claiming is a new record for human beings congregating in one place for barbecue, 34 million people showed up Saturday at the home of William K. Wolfrum for a pleasant evening of food and conversation.

    "There were so many people you just couldn't count," said Wolfrum.

    The estimated count of 34 million comes from aTweet Wolfrum made moments before writing this blog post.

    "9/12 was awesome.. 34 million people showed up at my house for a BBQ."

    Many have come forward to question the number, including Wolfrum's sister-in-law, Laura Arantes.

    "There were four of us. Total," said Arantes, who earlier stated that Wolfrum was an idiot who should never be believed. "Unless you count the dogs. Then there was eight."

    Still, Wolfrum has steadfastly clung to the 34 million number.

    "It's not like I just pulled this number out of my rear," said Wolfrum. "It was on Twitter. That really should be enough."



    I was there.

    At least that's what I'm going to tell my grandkids when they ask about it.

    The chicken was raw.

    In Wolfie's defense, he was expecting at most 27 million, so he ran out of briquets. Note to self: don't put barbecue invitations up on Twitter. Much less dagblog.

    Those were the best 79 burgers I've ever had.


    And the Kool-Aid was tasty, too.

    YOU LIE!


    Five minutes ago, I let my emotions get the best of me. While I disagree with the blogger's statement, my comments were inappropriate and regrettable. I extend sincere apologies to the blogger for this lack of civility.

    My outburst was spontaneous. I was upset because no one showed up for my BBQ. Probably because I only have 9 twitter followers, and 8 of them are spam. Also I don't have a grill. Or a house.

    On behalf of the blogger and his 34 million invitees, I accept your apology. But now you have to go down to the well of his house and repeat it, or risk a motion of censure. Watch out, though; it's rumored albino alligators live in it. Here's a ladder.

    I accept Genghis' apology and demand that this witch hunt ends. This is why nothing gets done here. Side issues. Let us stay focused on the 34 million people who attended the BBQ.

    Speaking of side issues: Never, ever cole slaw.  Ever.

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