William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Man accused of vomiting on girl at game is a Conservative Tea Partier

    Recently,  Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was charged with assault, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and other offenses because he chose to show his displeasure to an 11-year-old girl by vomiting on her in the stands at a Philadelphia Phillies’ game.

    Now, while I’m sure Philadelphia management is smart enough to warn children that they have no responsibility over intentional vomit attacks, that’s neither here nor there.

    What matters is this: Matthew Clemens is a Conservative. And, the logic is simple – Conservatives will vomit on you if they don’t get their way. See Bush, George H.W. for further proof.

    I admit that I have no evidence for this claim, of course, but I’ve seen the guy’s picture and that’s enough for me – the dude’s a Tea Bagger.

    How confident of this am I? So confident I will offer a $100,000 reward* to any who can prove to me than Clemmens isn’t Conservative. I put my money where my mouth is. Like a real journalist.

    So spread the word. The guy who vomited on a sweet little girl is a Conservative.

    *This is an Andrew Breitbart kind of deal, meaning I won’t pay, ever, for whatever evidence.



    Since most of us don't know what Andrew Breitbart looks like, I thought I'd risk ruining the satire by pointing out that the picture you have of the "alleged vomiter" is a picture of Breitbart and not of Clemmens.

    PHILLIES!!!!!!!!! FLYERS!!!!!!!!!111

    You fobbering dippleshapple. Its not even the same guy. What a lying flupperty pugglewump you are? Did you do this to get traffic to your pathetic blog or are just a bad person incapable of forming coherent political arguments so you resort to lies?

    [G: This comment has been edited to eliminate the profanity and to amuse myself. As always, we appreciate intelligent dissent.]

    Ok, not wanting to be rude or anything (right....) but even on the sports blogs I frequent (and when I say "frequent," I mean about every 90 minutes, which is the cycle my bladder works on these days) anyway, on those sites, even THEY - and these are HOCKEY sites - universally look down on Philadelphia sports fans as the lowest form of crud on the entire fracking Earth.

    I mean, the Philadelphia Flyers almost singlehandedly ruined the game of hockey, their freak fans loved it, and the absolute sine qua can't quite facking believe they said that comments always come from Phillie fans. It's reached such a stage that whenever ANYONE says ANYTHING that's considered shoe-bottom stupid, follow-on commenters just write FLYERS!!!!!11 and it's understood.

    Which is to say, a Phillie sports fan threw up on a kid. FLYERS!!!!!!1

    See you at the game, Genghis.

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