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From the Dagbloggers
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New Year's Resolution Generator ™
by Genghis 12/26/2008 - 7:08 pm
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New Year's Eve is over. Visit the THE VALENTINE GENERATOR™.
It's that time of year again. Resolution time. We're all supposed to come up with some great goals for 2009. But worthwhile goals aren't easy to come by. Sure, you could promise to quit smoking or abusing pigeons or getting naked in public or whatever boring resolution you make every year and violate three days later, but you've been there and done that. At dagblog, we're committed to helping our readers experience fulfilling and innovative New Year's resolutions. That's why we've developed our patent-pending New Year's Resolution Generator™. Just fill in the easy-to-fill-in form, press the button, and voila--instant resolution gratification.
We hope that you find our service helpful. Please feel free to share the results of your resolutions in the comments section.
For those of you who have trouble fulfilling your resolutions, we have a special service for you. For a mere $49.99, we will monitor your progress, and if you violate any of your resolutions, our Chief Enforcement Officer, Mortimus, will personally come to your home and spank you silly. (He works for tips, so please be generous.) Just fill in our contact form with the subject line: Spank me hard big green man!
IMPORTANT: Because the advanced Resolution Generator™ algorithm can be compromised by prior viewing others' resolutions, you must first complete your own resolutions before reading the comments below. Violators will be emphatically spanked and banned from the site until 2010.
New Year's Resolution Generator™
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In the News
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SPIN METER: Rivals airbrush anti-Romney words
By Nancy Benac, Associated Press, May 16, 2012
After the nastiness of the Republican primary race, former candidates have collective amnesia about Romney disses
Note to self: you think you're so smart about this kinda stuff, but you yourself fell for it once again.....so much for all the prognostication about one of our political parties disintegrating from all the primary campaign animosity.
Read the article at http://www.salon.com/2012/05/16/spin_meter_rivals_airbrush_anti_romney_words/ -
Assessing the Representativeness of Public Opinion Surveys
Pew Resarch Center for the People and the Press, May 15, 2012
For decades survey research has provided trusted data about political attitudes and voting behavior, the economy, health, education, demography and many other topics. But political and media surveys are facing significant challenges as a consequence of societal and technological changes.
It has become increasingly difficult to contact potential respondents and to persuade them to participate. The percentage of households in a sample that are successfully interviewed – the response rate – has fallen dramatically. At Pew Research, the response rate of a typical telephone survey was 36% in 1997 and is just 9% today. The general decline in response rates is evident across nearly all types of surveys, in the United States and abroad. At the same time, greater effort and expense are required to achieve even the diminished response rates of today. These challenges have led many to question whether surveys are still providing accurate and unbiased information [....]
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Ride of Silence
On May 16, 2012 at 7:00 PM, the Ride of Silence will begin in North America and roll across the globe. Cyclists will take to the roads in a silent procession to honor cyclists who have been killed or injured while cycling on public roadways. Although cyclists have a legal right to share the road with motorists, the motoring public often isn't aware of these rights, and sometimes not aware of the cyclists themselves.
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The Ride of Silence is a free ride that asks its cyclists to ride no faster than 12 mph, wear helmets, follow the rules of the road and remain silent during the ride. There are no sponsors and no registration fees. The ride, which is held during National Bike Month, aims to raise the awareness of motorists, police and city officials that cyclists have a legal right to the public roadways. The ride is also a chance to show respect for and honor the lives of those who have been killed or injured.
Read the article at http://www.rideofsilence.org/main.php -
Sugar makes you stupid: Study shows high-fructose diet...
A new UCLA rat study is the first to show how a diet steadily high in fructose slows the brain, hampering memory and learning — and how omega-3 fatty acids can counteract the disruption. The peer-reviewed Journal of Physiology publishes the findings in its May 15 edition.
"Our findings illustrate that what you eat affects how you think," said Fernando Gomez-Pinilla, a professor of neurosurgery at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA and a professor of integrative biology and physiology in the UCLA College of Letters and Science. "Eating a high-fructose diet over the long term alters your brain's ability to learn and remember information. But adding omega-3 fatty acids to your meals can help minimize the damage."
While earlier research has revealed how fructose harms the body through its role in diabetes, obesity and fatty liver, this study is the first to uncover how the sweetener influences the brain.
The UCLA team zeroed in on high-fructose corn syrup, an inexpensive liquid six times sweeter than cane sugar, that is commonly added to processed foods, including soft drinks, condiments, applesauce and baby food. The average American consumes more than 40 pounds of high-fructose corn syrup per year, according to the U.S. Department of Agriculture.
"We're not talking about naturally occurring fructose in fruits, which also contain important antioxidants," explained Gomez-Pinilla, who is also a member of UCLA's Brain Research Institute and Brain Injury Research Center. "We're concerned about high-fructose corn syrup that is added to manufactured food products as a sweetener and preservative."[Better write this down]
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Insider tells why Anonymous ‘might well be the most...
Christopher Doyon, a.k.a. Commander X, sits atop a hillside in an undisclosed location in Canada, watching a reporter and photographer make their way along a narrow path to join him, away from the prying eyes of law enforcement.
It’s been a few weeks of encrypted emails back and forth, working out the security protocol to follow for interviewing Doyon, one of the brains behind Anonymous, now a fugitive from the FBI.
Doyon, who readily admits taking part in some of the highest-profile hacktivist attacks on websites last year — from Tunisia to Orlando, Sony to PayPal — was arrested in September for a comparatively minor assault on the county website of Santa Cruz, Calif., where he was living, in retaliation for the town forcibly removing a homeless encampment on the courthouse steps.
The “virtual sit-in” lasted half an hour. For that, Doyon is facing 15 years in jail.
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TIP: FOR OPTIMAL ENJOYMENT, DON'T LOOK AT THE COMMENTS TIL AFTER YOU FILL OUT THE FORM ...
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I love it. especially telling god to belch a fireplace, asking genghis to sucks with me and being gorgeouser to my fingernails ...
In 2009, I promise to...
Before I participate, I'd just like to point out that you are missing a comma in one of your sentences that makes interpretation difficult. The sentence is:
Spank me hard big green man!
So, are we to read, "Spank me hard, big green man"?
Or perhaps, "Spank me hard big, green man"?
Another interpretation might be, "Spank me big hard green, man"?
Even more troubling, "Spank (or Spank me), hard big green man".
I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep until I understand your intent.
I leave it open to your prolific imagination.
BTW, this post is now listed in the "spanking in the news" ticker at http://thinkp1nk.blogspot.com: A lighthearted view of the spanking fetish.
Well, now I have my list. Especially number 1. The apple never writes back and it's getting demoralizing.
In 2009, I promise to...
I'm sure Bwak will appreciate the second item.
On behalf of my friend...
In 2009, I promise to...
In 2009, I promise to...
In 2009, I promise to...
It seems that the New Year's Resolution Generator has been stumbled upon. Welcome, stumblers, and come back soon. There's lots of cool stuff at dagblog. Here's our RSS feed. And if you strictly prefer the ha-ha, here's our humor feed.
In 2009, I promise to...
Full disclosure: I deleted a superfluous E or two at the end of verbs and the adjective Obamasesque. That's supposed to be a "pi" sign in resolution four. And my nouns and verbs are sometimes really nounal and verbal phrases.
Fun stuff, Genghis. I'll actually try to adhere to some of these. Not the one about investigating with fine French wines, though.
Ha. Best yet. I like the ritual deflowering. There have been hundreds of people trying out the generator without commenting. I wonder what they got. A few have posted on their own blogs. This is one of my favs from http://www.xanga.com/surveyspertu:
- Stop homogenize ing my paper towel
- Avoid shouting "D'OH!" at auspicious curtains
- Remember to say "Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle" whenever I fornicate
- Call my fabric softener at least twelve times a second
- Ask Conan O'Brien to masticate with me
- Learn to perspire malevolently
- Try to scrub a feisty Q-tip every millenium
- Quit rendezvousing with clairvoyants
- Travel to a sandbox in order to beat up a Neosporin
- Be chaoticer to my hyena
- Tell Hank Hill to erect a peanut butter
Our highly-classifiied English-language parser still has a few bugs, as you've noticed.Stop loveing my food
Avoid shouting "really" at hot shoes
Remember to say "I don't like cats." whenever I fly
Call my ballon at least 6 times a may
Ask sofia to eat with me
Learn to jump
Try to sleep an ugly toy every tomorrow
Quit kissing with toes
Travel to home in order to dress a fire
Be cuteer to my ipod
Tell marta to listen a pencil
amazing hahahahaah
In 2012, I promise to...
(Pretty much the same as last year...)