The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Sarah Palin & Jack Donaghy in 2012 - The perfect pretend Conservatives for a pretend GOP

    For political groupies, these days a big story involves looking to the 2010 midterm elections. Already, many have predicted that Republicans will gain seats in the U.S. Senate. While this may or may not end up happening, the storyline has led to what many could have expected - Republicans are pretending they had anything to do with it.

    You see, my friends, we are living in an age when the U.S. has two major political parties, and one of them has gone completely adrift of reality. Whether this is a bad thing or not remains to be seen, but it does open up one fantastic possibility for the GOP come 2012. Because in the real world, uninspiring names like Huckabee and Romney are being tossed about as possibilities to lead the party against Barack Obama in ‘12. But with the majority of conservatives having gotten unstuck in time and being unable to sense real from pretend, there is one tandem that could give the Republicans the power they so desire. So let’s say it together …

    … Palin/Donaghy in 2012.

    Yes, it’s time for the Republicans to get their two best pretend candidates together to form a super ticket in 2012. First off, you have Palin, who came to prominence at the 2008 RNC Convention by delivering a speech that was truly pretend. Currently, Palin is pretending she’s an important part of the American political process after stone-cold quitting on the Alaskan people.

    Then there’s Jack Donaghy. Donaghy, a vital member of the “30 Rock” team is - to be 100% honest - the most impressive conservative out there, real or pretend. Concerned solely with business, Donaghy is bright, methodical and competent. Like many Republicans, he has a prodigious pretend sex life. And that Donaghy’s portrayed by uber-liberal Alec Baldwin makes the whole thing that much more pretend delicious.

    Now some may say that having two pretend politicians to create a pretend Super Ticket is madness. But it is the perfect move for the GOP, which has become the party pretend built. Some of what conservatives have been pretending the past few months:

  • That they oppose health care reform due to financial responsibility rather than as quid pro quo for their health insurance benefactors;
  • That they didn’t spend 200-2006 blindly rubber stampíng everything George W. Bush proposed;
  • That George W. Bush doesn’t even exist.
  • That Health Care Reform will include “death panels”;
  • That the U.S. is a center-right nation.
  • That using Reconciliation to pass a bill in the Senate is traitorous;
  • That Obama and Democrats caused the economic collapse;
  • That Liz Cheney matters;
  • That Barack Obama was born in Kenya;
  • That Barack Obama is a racist;
  • That ACORN matters;
  • That Halliburton, KBR & Blackwater don’t matter;
  • That Americans are happy the U.S. tortures;
  • That Americans don’t want health care reform, and;
  • That Ronald Reagan was the greatest President ever.
  • This is an extremely condensed list, but as you can see, the Republican Party now officially lives in some type of alternate reality where we’re forced to look at facts and pretend they mean the complete opposite. This is why, in 2012, the GOP needs to stay with its main strength - pretending.

    Palin-Donaghy 2012: The perfect ticket for a party ensconced in pretend.



    I like your line of reasoning, Wolfman. But given how detached from reality the Republicans have become, I don't think you've explored all the possibilities.

    Think outside the box. I mean the box where you check off your presidential preference. Who's to say we can trust federal election officials to report accurately who really won? These are people, after all, who believe Obama was born in Hawaii.

    Given the law of averages, there's just as much chance that the Republican ticket will have won. To be on the safe side, why not just pretend it did. Sort of like "Dewey beats Truman" -- but without any weasely retraction the next day.

    Fox, the Wall Street Journal, Drudge and most radio pundits will go along. The rest of the mainstream media will report the "controversy" as a case of "he won/she won." The GOP simply needs to take the case to the courts, and string it out a la Norm Coleman. They'll lose initially, of course -- damn activist judges! -- but the Supreme Court is their ace in the hole (I think there's a precedent somewhere).

    The new Palin-Donaghy administration could then pretend to solve the economic crisis the Obama team created, pretend to end with honor -- no, with crushing victories! -- all the pointless wars Obama started, and pretend to dismantle the Big Brother apparatus Obama (abetted by his Acorn cronies) imposed. Plus unmarry all those gay couples and give everyone back the guns Obama snatched from their cold dead hands. And everyone can pretend to live in the freest, bestest country on Earth once again.

    The best part: we all get a pony! (Just one pony, so everyone has to wait their turn.)

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