Michael Wolraich's picture

    Why Do Liberals Hate Beauty Queens?

    What is the most persecuted demographic in the nation? It's not the blacks, the Jews, or the Hispanics, and certainly not the gays. One victim stands out in the gruesome annals of discrimination: the Beauty Queen.

    The latest sacrifice to the bottomless hunger of the gay liberal hate monster is Miss Beverly Hills, Lauren Ashley. Ashley simply quoted an innocent line from the Bible:

    If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death and their blood shall be upon them.

    It's the Bible, you liberals. When you persecute Lauren Ashley, you are persecuting God! And beauty queens!

    Most people have no idea how long beauty queens have been suffering from discrimination by liberals and gays. In 1977, former Miss Oklahoma and Florida Citrus spokeswoman, Anita Bryant tried to stop gays from getting special privileges in Miami, like the privilege of not getting fired. You'd think the gays would be happy that they weren't getting stoned. Well guess what, when you give gays special privileges, you're really just discriminating against beauty queens. This is what Anita Bryant wrote:

    If this ordinance amendment is allowed to become law, you will in fact be infringing upon my right or rather DISCRIMINATING against me as a citizen and mother to teach my children and set examples or point to others as examples of God's moral code as stated in the Holy Scriptures.

    Well then the gays got mad, and they started DISCRIMINATING against Anita Bryant even more by boycotting orange juice and sending her postcards that said, "We are switching to prune juice, and we will send you the results." Poor Anita had to hold a hold a press conference and refer to herself in the third person to say that "the blacklisting of Anita Bryant has begun."

    It's been open season on beauty queens ever since. When Miss California, Carrie Prejean objected to gay marriage, they called her names and took away her crown. Then they gave it back and took it away again just to be jerks. Bill O'Reilly reported that the "spirit" of Carrie's First Amendment rights were violated by the "unbelievable attacks, personal attacks." Violating the spirit of people's rights is even worse than violating their actual rights.

    But the most abused beauty queen of all time is, of course, Sarah Palin. She has been "reviled," "hated, "detested," "intensely disliked," "targeted," "smeared," "ridiculed," "patronized," "distorted," "looked down on," "hacked," "attacked," "opposition researched," "assassinated," and worst of all, "sarah-palined." Like Rush Limbaugh said, "They are literally trying to destroy not just her career, but her reputation."

    I call on the government to put a stop to this genocidal discrimination against beauty queens. We need to expand the Federal hate crimes law to remove sexual orientation and replace it with beauty pageant participation. Don't talk to me about Matthew Shepard's suffering, not while Sarah Palin's life and career is being destroyed before our very eyes.


    I'm currently writing a book, How Bill O'Reilly Saved Christmas: A Fairly Balanced Account of Right-Wing Persecution Politics, to be published in October. For more lurid tales of discrimination and suffering, read my persecution politics series at dagblog.com.


    I would like to point out that Ms. Ashley was wearing garments woven from multiple kinds of thread, and (shameless hussy that she is) allowing strange men to gaze upon her uncovered hair. I rest my case.

    I bet that she gathers sticks on the sabbath as well. Stone her!

    (Now I'm thinking of cheesy Sabbatarian pick up lines. "If you're not supposed to start a fire on Shabat, what are you going to do with those eyes?")

    That line is grounds for permanent banning from dagblog. You're on probation now, so watch it..

    That's fair.

    In a way, I have some measure of respect for the people who are making some kind of effort to actually read and live by the book that they blaim to be so into.  The "buffet style" Christians are way less fun.  Now if only we had more bull burning and stoning going on, then we'd have some real fun on our hands.

    I think it's truly unbelievable that you are literally comparing someone tragically losing their life to Sarah Palin's failing career. You can recover from brutal comments, you can't recover from someone brutally killing you.

    Gee, when you put it that way, it seems so obvious.

    Am I missing something here?

    If man lies with mankind as he would lie with a woman ...

    If you're really, thoroughly gay, you would NOT lie with a woman under any circumstances, right? So you've got a free pass, Bible-wise.

    great point, canuck. btw, not too mention, a total free pass for lesbians. god rocks!

    Michel Foucault would suggest that no one is really, thoroughly gay. He would suggest that the homosexual versus heterosexual dichotomy is an invention of the modern era.

    Of course, he was into leather and S&M, so take that with a grain of salt…

    When someone who's into gay bondage says that even he isn't entirely gay, I think that's kind of hard to discount.

    Being a tech-head, I'm really ignorant about Queer Theory, so I'm really just going on my ignorant observations, but I think the dichotomy between heterosexuals and homosexuals is not just an invention. I.e., I think there are real, genetic differences (although I don't want to oversimplify it, either) between heterosexual and homosexual males. (I know next to nothing about women, and even less about homosexual women.) Of course, Foucault was fighting against the idea that there's something deviant (i.e., "wrong") with homosexuals, not just that they're different. Also, he died in the '80s before a lot of the recent genetic discoveries were made. I do know that there are a lot of homosexuals who don't care for his theories, either, as they can be easily misconstrued to support the idea that homosexuality can be "cured" (although Foucault himself would never suggest such a thing, of course).

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