William K. Wolfrum's picture

    The William K. Wolfrum promise – I will never purposefully vomit on you

    Easily the best thing about being a blogger is the ability to control your image. I know there are many bloggers out there who will scream “I keep it real,” but won’t mention the time and details necessary for said realness.

    Myself, for instance. I come off much nicer as a blogger than as a person. And to be honest, it’s not like I come off all that nice as a blogger. I suppose what I’m getting at here, is that I want you all to know more about me.

    I’ve been to jail but not prison.

    I may have committed consensual sodomy in Texas at a time it was illegal.

    I haven’t punched anyone in well more than a decade. But I kind of use to like it.

    I was just in Las Vegas and didn’t gamble a penny.

    I can be a tad aloof.

    I was a back-up singer for four years with the group “A-Ha.”

    But this all brings me to this -I have never, and will never purposefully vomit on anyone. There are some lines you don’t cross or society and culture is lost.

    I say this because a couple days back, Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was arrested for vomiting on an 11-year-old girl.

    Now, I don’t want to flat-out say that I’m better than Mr. Clemmens (but, hey, was he in “A-Ha”?), but I repeat – I have never and will never purposefully vomit on anyone for any reason. Ever.

    Accidents may happen, but never purposefully. Consider that the William K. Wolfrum Chronicles Motto: “We promise only to never Purposefully Vomit on You.”

    If you ever want to know anything about me, just know that. You will never be purposefully puked on by me.


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    Man, thanks. That's a relief.

    It always helps to know that it was an accident, bro.

    The information about A-Ha is extremely alarming. This will be referred to the Dagblog Ethics and Good Taste Committee. Our blogger vetting procedure will also be reviewed.

    The most important thing is that he not keep jumping back and forth between animated reality and this reality.

    I still got questions about that time up in Illinois, where you went all Gomorrah-y on me.

    Sure, it's impossible to legislate against, I know that. But still.

    And with the home-made bread and all. Jesus.

    Latest Comments