MURDER, POLITICS, AND THE END OF THE JAZZ AGE
by Michael Wolraich
Order today at Barnes & Noble / Amazon / Books-A-Million / Bookshop
MURDER, POLITICS, AND THE END OF THE JAZZ AGE by Michael Wolraich Order today at Barnes & Noble / Amazon / Books-A-Million / Bookshop |
from Andy Borowitz's Borowitz Report, posted today
http://www.borowitzreport.com/2011/10/17/a-letter-from-goldman-sachs/
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)– The following is a letter released today by Lloyd Blankfein, the chairman of banking giant Goldman Sachs:
Dear Investor:
Up until now, Goldman Sachs has been silent on the subject of the protest movement known as Occupy Wall Street. That does not mean, however, that it has not been very much on our minds. As thousands have gathered in Lower Manhattan, passionately expressing their deep discontent with the status quo, we have taken note of these protests. And we have asked ourselves this question:
How can we make money off them?
The answer is the newly launched Goldman Sachs Global Rage Fund, whose investment objective is to monetize the Occupy Wall Street protests as they spread around the world. At Goldman, we recognize that the capitalist system as we know it is circling the drain – but there’s plenty of money to be made on the way down.
The Rage Fund will seek out opportunities to invest in products that are poised to benefit from the spreading protests, from police batons and barricades to stun guns and forehead bandages. Furthermore, as clashes between police and protesters turn ever more violent, we are making significant bets on companies that manufacture replacements for broken windows and overturned cars, as well as the raw materials necessary for the construction and incineration of effigies.
It would be tempting, at a time like this, to say “Let them eat cake.” But at Goldman, we are actively seeking to corner the market in cake futures. We project that through our aggressive market manipulation, the price of a piece of cake will quadruple by the end of 2011.
Please contact your Goldman representative for a full prospectus. As the world descends into a Darwinian free-for-all, the Goldman Sachs Rage Fund is a great way to tell the protesters, “Occupy this.” We haven’t felt so good about something we’ve sold since our souls.
Sincerely,
Lloyd Blankfein
Chairman, Goldman Sachs
Comments
Hilarious AD!
by Bruce Levine on Mon, 10/17/2011 - 7:18pm
ROTFLMFAO !!! Great catch.
by cmaukonen on Mon, 10/17/2011 - 9:30pm
Very funny, A.D.
Now they have to figure out how to torpedo world wide rage so that they can short the fund against their clients' interests.
by Oxy Mora on Mon, 10/17/2011 - 9:54pm
Ha. Yeah, following the initial sale of their WWR Fund shares, word has it Blankfein, Rubin and Paulson will be holding a press conference to announce their support for a new lobby group, Short It Now (quickly nicknamed "SIN" for short on Wall Street and in the US financial press), calling for restoration of Eisenhower Administration top rates, the purchased surprise early retirement of Clarence Thomas, and independent expenditures facilitating the shocking appointment in January 2013 of newly elected Elizabeth Warren as Chair and sole member of her Senate committee of choice.
by AmericanDreamer on Tue, 10/18/2011 - 1:02am