A coffin shop in Macau

Media Matters informs that Limbaugh's radio show has lost 98 advertisers over the last few weeks.

Limbaugh insists that he has thousands of advertisers who request some advertising during his show hoping to reach his premium audiences.

And some of these new advertisers specifically focus on certain listeners that relate to the subject Limbaugh has been referring to prior to the ad breaks:

THE ANDA

Rush began discussing the problem of hungry children during the summer break when the school luncheonettes are no longer open for the needy urchins.

There's another place if none of these options work to find food; there's always the neighborhood dumpster. Now, you might find competition with homeless people there, but there are videos that have been produced to show you how to healthfully dine and how to dumpster dive and survive until school kicks back up in August. Can you imagine the benefit we would provide people?

The American Neighborhood Dumpster Association is pleased to emphasize the importance of Rush Limbaugh and radio talk show hosts across this great country.

When Americans are through with something, they can always find a place to dump the remains.

And the ANDA is there to remove the remains but never without giving the needy a chance to pick through the refuse that normal Americans refuse!

THE AMERICAN LIQUOR INDUSTRY

Now, this is Michael J. Fox. He's got Parkinson's disease. And in this commercial, he is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He is moving all around and shaking. And it's purely an act. This is the only time I have ever seen Michael J. Fox portray any of the symptoms of the disease he has. I know he's got it and he's raising money for it, but when I've seen him in public, I've never seen him betray any of the symptoms.

Do you find yourself waking up in the morning with 'the shakes' following a highly recreational evening? And besides the problems associated with hitting the target—so to speak—in the corner of the bathroom; you are supposed to get that coffee maker going and take a shower without falling through that troublesome curtain onto the floor?

We at the ALI are there with the one product that will soothe those messed-up neurons swimming around your cranium and put some order in your life so that you might once again become a contributing member of society.

Have a shot on us and begin your day properly!

THE MORTICIAN'S DENTAL ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA!

You know I'm getting so many people -- this Louise Slaughter comment on the dentures? I'm getting so many people -- this is big. I mean, that gets a one-time mention for a laugh, but there are people out there that think this is huge because it's so stupid. I mean, for example, well, what's wrong with using a dead person's teeth? Aren't the Democrats big into recycling? Save the planet? And so what? So if you don't have any teeth, so what? What's applesauce for? Isn't that why they make applesauce?

Recycling indeed Rush and that is one process that can make America great again!

Except for in those Zombie movies (and believe you me that the American Mortician is usually the one man who stands between you and a bunch of zombies chomping on your children) the deceased rarely take the time to chomp on things once they are interred.

The MDAA has been recycling dentures for two decades and are providing the living with a chance to function properly in restaurants all over this great country—and at quite a discount from those inflated price tags provided by the ADA.

So if you are suffering from some dental void in your smile, call us at M-O-U-T-H-F-U-L-L-S today for a free appointment and free oral assessment at one of thousands of mortuaries across the good ole US of A!

THE COMMITTEE FOR LESS IRRITABLE BOWELS

Here's the media tweak of the day. Snerdley -- pay attention. Media tweak of the day. We always announce these, and it always works. This story raises very un-politically correct questions. If people cannot even feed and clothe themselves, should they be allowed to vote? Should they be voting? If people who are receiving government assistance -- that is, taxpayer assistance -- if they weren't allowed to vote, can you imagine the difference in the political makeup of this country? Can you imagine that? It's just a think piece. I'm just putting it out there for you to ponder.

We at the CLIB are here to help you.

Just as Rush points out, the contributing members of America are having their rectal areas pummeled by folks who care nothing about their own hygiene, their own habitats, their own pride!

Here you are, working every single day, arising every single day to a world controlled by communists and Muslims and minorities and you are being asked to work even harder to support those very people who have crawled right into your lower intestines.

But we, at CLIB are here to help. Available to you, for the first time is a new drug that will ease that irritability in your innerts and it is called: DUMPOMEIN. That's right DUMPOMEIN!

Once you begin a proper regimen with DUMPOMEIN you will find that your droppings are pure and thick and healthy. As a matter of fact you may have to dump (forgive the pun) that environmentally sanctified toilet bowl for an appliance that uses all the water you deserve!

So the next time you visit your doctor for that annual check-up demanded by your employer in order to underline the fact that you never go down to the HOOD for your prescription needs, ask that that doctor give you a prescription for DUMPOMEIN!

VIAGRA, FOOD OF THE GODS

LIMBAUGH: This continual playing to stereotypes must stop. It must be challenged, and it must be swept aside.  Women face enough tough decisions each and every day particularly during this recession. We all know that during economic downturns women and minorities are hardest hit, and it's no different now. And in this time of economic challenge, downturn, hopelessness, where is the next car coming from, the next job for the husband? The husband!  Where is the husband coming in? Where is the next man coming?  To sit here and pretend that you are a comedian and to say that the washing machine was more liberating than the pill according to the Catholic church, this has gone far enough.  Besides, everybody knows it was the vacuum cleaner that liberated women more than the pill.

And if you wish to turn your loved one into a vacuum cleaner once again, get her excited, get her craving ecstasy once again.

Get a prescription for Viagra, the food of the gods today!

Turn your '34 wagon' into a WOODY today!

TWO GIRLS FOR EVERY BOY—as long as there is enough Viagra.

FANNY'S DIET PILLS

LIMBAUGH: Let me just tell you point-blank, folks, I don't care what Ruth Marcus said, the truth and the fact of the matter is that female politicians get a pass on every aspect of their appearance. You would never have stories about how some female politician is fat like there are stories about Christie being fat. You wouldn't have those stories. When's the last time you saw a story on Barney Frank being fat? When's the last time you saw -- well, it fits, it still fits. When is the last time -- you don't have it, but all these stories about Christie being fat, they're all over the place. "Will he have the stamina? Will he have the energy? Will he have the health?" You don't have those questions. There are plenty of lard-ass women in politics, and they get a total pass on it.

And nobody realizes the travails of having a big fat ass than old Rush.

So if you wish to do something about it and refuse to give up those steaks and cheese grits; get an appointment with your physician today.

Fanny's Diet Pills will do the trick and you might actually be able to get more of them feminazis to do some tricks for you! Hahahahaah

THE AMERICAN DIVORCE ATTORNEYS OF AMERICA

“My cat comes to me when she wants to be fed. I have learned this. I accept it for what it is. Many people in my position would think my cat’s coming to me because she loves me. Well, she likes me, and she is attached, but she comes to me when she wants to be fed. And after I feed her — guess what — she’s off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. She’s smart enough to know she can’t feed herself. She’s actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn’t have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat’s taught me more about women, than anything my whole life. But we put voices in their mouths.

(And nobody loves their little pussy like Rush):

RUSH: A little story here. Everybody's asking me here, "What are you so edgy about today?" I'm not edgy. I just didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night. You know, we treat our little pets like our kids, especially if you don't have kids you treat the little animals like your kids. And Punkin had to go to the vet today for a standard checkup, a urinalysis and a teeth cleaning and because you can't make a cat pee on demand and you can't get a cat to hold still while you brush its teeth, they have to anesthetize the cat at the vet's office. That means, just like human beings, you cannot feed the cat for a period of 12 hours prior to the cat's appointment at the doctor. So that meant I could not feed Punkin after eight o'clock. I made sure she had something to eat about 7:30 and then all the bowls, I emptied them out, left the bowls there empty, she has two places in the house where she eats. And by pattern, she came down to the library about 11:30 p.m., where I was feverishly working on comments after I'd watched all these speeches last night, and she starts rubbing against my legs, jumping up on my lap, starts head-butting me, and I know what that means. It means she wants to eat, and I looked at her, I said, "I'm sorry.

I looked right into her eyes, "I'm sorry Punky, but I can't feed you." She doesn't know what I'm saying, she's a cat. So, I get upstairs, and as a habit, she leads me into her room, because I feed her right before I go to bed, it's just become a habit. She leads me in, and I have to go in there anyway to get something. When I don't feed her she just gets this perplexed look on the face, and I'm saying, "Sweetie, I can't feed you. You have to go to the doctor tomorrow." And of course she doesn't know what I'm saying. I'm talking to an animal. She has these big almond eyes just looking at me like this doesn't make sense to her. So I go get in bed about one o'clock, 1:30 a.m., and in five minutes the cat jumps on the bed. She never sleeps with me. I mean, maybe once that blue moon. She got underneath the covers! She started biting my toes. She started licking. She's furrowing around under there like a ferret. I ignore her, trying to go to sleep. "Big day tomorrow on the EIB Network," I'm saying to myself. I said, "Punky, I'm sorry, I can't feed you." She finally moves out from underneath the covers and gets on the pillow and starts head-butting me, and I just ignore her and all I want to do is feed this little cat because she hasn't eaten in a while, can't do it because she gotta go to the doctor.

If you are having problems with your spouse and she is just not responding correctly and she will not listen to reason:

CALL US:

The American Divorce Attorneys of America at W-H-Y-C-A-T-S-S-U-K and we shall set an appointment for you to see an expert at an office near you.

First appointments are free and we have tax accountants at the ready to help you 'prepare' for the inevitable.

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It looks like ole Rusho might survive after all!