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    Federal Judge Rules Capitalism Unconstitutional

    By William K. Wolfrum on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 7:42am | Politics, Business, Humor & Satire

    AMERICA – A Federal Court in Florida has struck down Capitalism, ruling that the requirement for individuals to live under any type of economic system is unconstitutional.

    U.S. District Judge Roger Vinson in his judgment ruled that the so-called economic system known as capitalism exceeds congressional power.

    “The Congress does not have the power to compel an individual to live under any economic system,” Vinson said.

    “If Congress can force people to buy and sell products or property for a profit, we would have a Constitution in name only,” wrote Vinson. “Surely this is not what the founding fathers could have intended.” Vinson wrote.

    Vinson added that “As a strict Constitutionalist, I see nowhere in the U.S. Constitution where Capitalism is even mentioned. The Founding Fathers were always right. Thus, Capitalism must cease and desist, effective immediately.”

    The ruling had a ripple effect throughout the nation, as money immediately became useless, debts became purely theoretical, and Wal-Marts had to start giving away all their Chinese-made products for free. China could not be reached for comment.

    Former billionaires Charles and David Koch called the ruling ‘Political activism at its most extreme,” adding that “It’s just a God-damned piece of paper!”

    Both Republicans and Democrats in Congress – the vast majority of them millionaires – have railed against the ruling. U.S. Senator Rand Paul – well-known for his Libertarian values and strict Constitutional interpretations – said that the courts were just taking the Founding Fathers much too seriously.

    “The founding fathers vaguely inferred that the U.S. is a capitalist nation,” said Paul. “And even if they didn’t, Christ, that was like 250 years ago. What did they really know about how things would be like now?”

    With orders from Paul and the Koch brothers, Tea Party leaders are currently working on a plan to create a Constitutional amendment to abolish the U.S. Constitution.

    Still, some were pleased with Vinson’s decision. Noted anarchist Noam Chomsky said he agreed with the ruling.

    “This is just friggin’ awesome,” said Chomsky.

    No stay on the ruling will be allowed, and the U.S. Supreme Court – its docket filled with Health Care Rulings, Barack Obama citizenship issues, and fundraisers for conservative causes – has declined to take up the case.

    Implications of the ruling are vast, including the elimination of all debts of all kinds, as without capitalism, debts become purely theoretical. for his part, President Barack Obama released only a 12-word statement.

    “I just balanced the budget by throwing it away. Next problem, please,” said Obama.

    The news hit Wall Street hard, as the Dow Jones Industrial average fell 11,891.93 points.

    –WKW

    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

    Topics: 
    Politics
    Business
    Humor & Satire

    Comments

    Ahh yes, wouldn't that be wonderful?  Great piece, Mr. Wolfram!  There would be dancing in the streets!

    We ALL see the pyramid scheme symbol on the back of the USA one dollar bill.  We ALL see the servitude infestation in capitalism.  We ALL see the "pay up or lose your wellbeing" Chicago mob-like felony extortion widespread within capitalism.  We ALL see the "join or starve" felony extortion done to the 18 year olds... by this ugly competer's church called capitalism.  We ALL see how forcing competer's religions onto 18 year olds, and/or LURING them into it with bling-dangling and promises of empowerments... kills membership in the cooperator's church (Christianity/socialism).  We ALL understand that AmWay (American Way) (New World Order) got "the exclusive" (legal tender) on the TYPE of survival coupons (money) accepted in supply depots (stores) and leverages 18 year olds into the organization via that felony activity. (It puts AmWay-coupon slaving requirements called price tags... on all the survival goods).  We ALL understand how sure-to-collapse farmyard pyramids work... from our childhoods. Upper 1/3 are "heads in the clouds" while the kids on the bottom ALWAYS GET HURT from the weight of the world's knees in their backs.  And, we ALL see how such systems are illegal, immoral, and just plain sick.

    We American Christian socialists are patiently awaiting the natural fall of the pyramid-o-servitude, or the busting of the free marketeers felony... by the USA Dept of Justice.  We Christians are VERY CLOSE to issuing a cease and desist order until the servitude and inequality goes away... which means it turns into a commune.  Commune is a word we LOVE when used in the word "community"... but its one the caps HATE when used in the word "commune-ism".  Go fig.  PROGRAMMED!!

    Do a Google IMAGE SEARCH for 'pyramid of capitalist' to see a full color picture made way back in 1911, when capitalism was first discovered to be a con/sham instigated by the Free Masons/Illuminati. Folks sure bought into the thing... hook, line, and sinker just the same.  The caps didn't even check if a string was attached!  Now THAT'S easy fishing, eh?

    Time to level the felony pyramid scheme called capitalism.  Abolish economies and ownershipism worldwide, and hurry.  Economies just cause rat-racing, and rat-racing causes felony pyramiding.  BUST IT, America!  (Yay Bill!)  Look to the USA military supply/survival system... (and the USA public library system) for socialism and morals done right.  Equal, owner-less, money-less, bill-less, timecard-less, and concerned with growth of value-criteria OTHER THAN money-value.  Quit doing monetary discrimination immediately, and make it illegal.  There are MANY measurement criteria of "value"... not just dollars.  Try morals, efficiency, discrimination-levels, repairability, etc etc.  Economies are cancerous tumors, and to cheer for their growth... is just insane.  Profiting causes inflation, so if caps LIKE inflation, and if they LIKE a terrible time in afterlife when they meet the planet's ORIGINAL OWNER before caps tried to squat it all with ownershipism, then keep it up with the felony pyramiding.  I dare you.  While us Christians are finally bulldozing that pyramid scheme back to level, lets make servitude and "join or starve" (get a job or die) illegal in the USA, and lets level the architecture seen in USA courtrooms, too.  Right now, USA courtrooms are church simulators or "fear chambers", by special design.  Sick.

    Isn't that back-of-the-dollar pyramid... a Columbian freemason symbol? And WHERE is the USA gov located? District of Columbia? (Not even part of the USA!)  How much more blatant can ya get?  The "Fed" runs a pyramid scheme called the free marketeers. If you're using the "federal reserve note" certificates, or using no-other-living-thing-on-the-planet entitles of ownership, you're bought into a servitude/slavery con/sham... called capitalism. Pyramiding 101.

    Larry "Wingnut" Wendlandt
    MaStars - Mothers Against Stuff That Ain't Right
    (anti-capitalism-ists)
    Bessemer MI USA

     


    by Wingnut (not verified) on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 10:22am

    I wonder how lunatics passed the time before they had the internets


    by Michael Wolraich on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 11:20am

    They wrote books??


    by TJ on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 1:18pm

    No, lunatics have always had internets. Notice how they always seem to be talking to themselves? That's their internets - they can all talk to each other.


    by Donal on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 1:31pm

    Geez, I thought they were just repeating their grocery lists until they got to the store.  I worry more about the guys in dark suits that talk to their wrists.


    by TJ on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 1:36pm

    Yesterday I stopped at the local drug store and picked up coffee filters for a buck.

    The store has this catch all bin with 'special buys'.

    I found this deboning knife for fifty cents. Fifty cents!!!

    How in the hell do you manufacture something like this and expect to make money by selling it for fifty cents?

    I suppose if you pay your Indonesian two cents an hour in some sweat shop you might turn a buck every now and then.

    Somebody's blood, sweat and tears went into making that knife. All for fifty cents!


    by Richard Day on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 10:43am

    Not knowing anything about deboning knives, is it possible that it was made by a machine?


    by Verified Atheist on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 10:49am

    Well, Wolfram, I think you're on to something here.  I've never completely understood how some people can get rich without producing one damn useful thing.  But things really started going bad after they turned the Bible into an audio book and people misunderstood all that talk about following the "profits".


    by TJ on Tue, 02/01/2011 - 1:32pm