Maiello: Keep the Police Away From The Public
Doc Cleveland: The Fire This Time
Maiello: Prufrock as PowerPoint
MASSACHUSETTS — After essentially sewing up the GOP nomination this week, Mitt Romney has begun the long process of connecting with the American public. Earlier this week, Romney strengthened his appeal with women by having wife Ann tell the world that her life is just like theirs and that she doesn’t even feel wealthy despite a family fortune of a quarter-billion dollars.
With the women vote taken care of, Romney has now moved on to another potential electoral weakness – African-Americans. After a recent story came out that showed Romney has no African-Americans on his staff, the former governor came out today announcing that he had recently made a Black friend.
“I met a guy named Herman earlier this year, and let me tell you, he’s just a delight,” said Romney. “He’s really one of the good ones.”
Romney’s new friend “Herman” is a businessman and amateur economist. Romney said that he will use his new friend to keep him updated on the needs of African-Americans.
“More than once, Herman and I have sat down for a traditional African-American meal of pizza,” said Romney. “I really will depend on him to let me know about the needs of the African-American community.”
Reached for comment, “Herman” said that Romney will be a better friend to African-Americans than President Barack Obama, and that Romney’s economic plans will create opportunities for Blacks.
“I believe these words came from the Pokémon movie,” said Herman. “Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, it’s never easy when there is so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference.”
With the women and African-American issues out of the way, Romney said he will now focus the rest of his campaign on real Americans, noting that he already has close experience with Mexican-Americans, having employed hundreds of them over the years to mow his lawn and clean his pool.