Michael Wolraich's picture

    Mr. Stewart and Mr. Colbert Go to Washington: We Must Stop Them!

    I've just been informed that notorious funnyman Jon Stewart and his subversive sidekick Stephen Colbert are organizing a protest march in Washington DC on October 30th. The pretense of the protest is a parody of Glenn Beck's Restoring Honor demonstration last month, but we all know what this is really about. Stewart and Colbert planned this "protest" in order to proselytize a perverse and poisonous doctrine that they call comedy.

    America is a free country, and if people want to watch jesters like Stewart and Colbert on cable television or in specifically designated comedy areas, that is their right. But the Mall in Washington DC is public property, and that means that it belongs to America. I am certain that America's taxpayers do not want to send their hard-earned income to the government so that self-proclaimed jokesters can besmirch our patriotic green spaces with their evil comic agenda.

    Suppose that you are an upright American citizen proudly admiring the sturdy foundations of the Washington monument with your family, when suddenly, your blessed tranquility is disturbed by the raucous clamor of people cackling and chortling and guffawing like a pack of wild communist hyenas. How will you explain the interruption to your innocent children who are not even old enough to understand that it is not OK to laugh in patriotic places? How will you be able to sustain your faith in America's God-given destiny when you are besieged by snickering subversives?

    In order to battle the dangerous comedy menace coming to Washington, I hereby announce the March Against Funny on October 30st. We will go to Capitol Hill and greet Mr. Stewart and Mr. Colbert and their snickering minions with sad frowns and grim grimaces. No matter how funny these jokers might try to be, not even the barest chuckle will escape our frozen lips. Nay, we will proudly stand in the land of the Founding Fathers and solemnly declare to the world: Things are not funny.

    My book on right-wing paranoia, Blowing Smoke, will be published in October. For links and updates, click the I Like button on the book's fan page.


    You do know it's Stewart, Genghis? Plenty of time to fix it before others notice.





    Mega-Shark isn't in the ocean off the coast of Malaysia. Not off the coast of Sulawesi either. I even combed those waters with a snorkel. I'm starting to think it's all a big hoax.

    They had him on a hook at the library:

    You know that guy they found in the shark's gut off Bahamas the other day, his left leg hanging out of its mouth?

    Our Lord and Underwater Saviour is a much neater eater.

    Every bite - 100 chews.

    Too late.

    It's OK to point out typos, quinn. But I don't think you want to get into anyone's taste in porn, if you catch my drift.

    Besides, Betsy's an adult-film classic. Socially redeeming value and all. The Bacon Bits symbolize society's overdependence on factory farming. It's really quite deep.

    I'm just not sure MEGA-SHARK has permitted pork products.

    He seems pretty orthodox on that one.

    I do that every time I write the guy's name. This is not the first blog that I've put up that refers to Jon Stuart. It's like some freakin nervous tic. At least I don't write John Stuart anymore.

    PS Megashark can suck my... That would make for a porn classic.

    With great hesitation, I present the relevant Internet meme.  And probably Quinn's new avatar.  Let's just pray to Mega-Shark that this is one time when Internet Rule #34 fails.


    That is WIO9CKED cool.

    Thanks DF.

    Is he joking or is he really that stupid

    Who, Quinn? Naw, he's cool. Just got a little Mega-Shark thing is all. Ain't nothing wrong with that.

    Really that stupid

    No way you're that stupid.

    Totally faking it.

    Drats. I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for you meddling Canadians.

    If only we could get our fellow citizens to come together behind a universal revulsion at the near and thoroughly insensitive proximity of Canada to 9/11.

    Dude. If you could do that for us, and then maybe just... back off a few hundred yards/miles... we'd be ever so thankful.

    Ask acanuck. Having to sleep with ear plugs in is no joy.

    Having to sleep with ear plugs in is no joy.

    Wait, remind me. Who sent whom Céline Dion?


    I see it, Genghis. A not very funny march.

    A critical consensus building up to avenues of shrugging shoulders intermingled with astute expressions of word-weary ennui.

    But what if..pardon me for asking...  they make fun of that too?

    Great idea. We definitely need some ennui. I'll put that on the list.

    If they make fun of me, I'll just grimace harder. They won't know what hit them.

    I don't think either of them is capable of bringing down the house like either the House or Senate. Every time they pass a major piece of legislation, they're so funny with their faux sincerity I bypass the laughing part and go straight to crying like a baby.

    lol. I wonder how many people will be holding rally's on the mall that day?

    Meh.  I'll be there!  Anyone else?

    I'm thinking about trying to do some kind of publicity stunt or at least set up a stand for my book, which will go on sale Nov. 1. Ideas, advice, and company would be welcome.

    Is this post supposed to be a joke?

    Didn't you read the post? Jokes were invented by communists to oppress Christians, enslave white people, and make people have more abortions. Have you ever read a joke in the Constitution? The Bible? Ever wonder why "comedians" are always black or Jewish or some special interest? Think about it.

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