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    Organizing for (Straight) America: Huckabee fuses blind consumerism to the anti-gay agenda

     

    Mike Huckabee, the once morbidly obese Arkansas governor who lost a hundred pounds, ran for president, then got a cushy gig critiquing godlessness on Fox News, wrote in his 2005 book, Quit Digging Your Grave with a Knife and Fork, that “there is a general rule of thumb that if something is deep-fried in so much fat it could leak through the sack, you’d be better off ordering something else. If all else fails, throw the food away, eat the sack, and at least gain a fiber!”

    Proving that irony and hypocrisy know no bounds, Huckabee retroactively retired from the ol’ “paper has more nutritional value than fried fast food” shtick in order to save the summer commerce games by organizing the first ever “Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” event.

    We all know the back story on this: Chick-fil-A, a fast-food corporation that has forked over millions of dollars through the years to anti-gay organizations and causes, recently decided, per a chief executive officer’s order, to advertise the righteousness of “traditional” marriage in its national chain of restaurants.

    Considering the potentially rapturous effect such public displays of religious dogmatism might have on a company’s clientele base, you would think this wouldn’t be the wisest business decision ever. Then again, if you’re not a pious Christian who, as Jesus instructed, is particularly careful “not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them” (Matt. 6:1) then you wouldn’t understand the moral imperative that Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy faced by doing nothing about the “prideful, arrogant attitude” of those who are now “inviting God’s judgment on our nation” by supporting gay marriage—and of course by being gay.

    For anyone who knows a thing or two about the Bible, it’s rather comical that a man can claim to be living by “the biblical definition of the family unit”—“we are married to our first wives,” Cathy assures—when nary a founding prophet practiced such blasphemy. ( ?? You know David and Ahab and Ezra and Moses; Abraham and Caleb and Solomon and Saul. But do you recall, the most famous polygamist of all? ??  Hint: it wasn’t Jesus; he thought marriage was rubbish!)

    When a few people—some gay, some just average Joe Civilized—thought it was a bit offensive for a public restaurant to rewrite the Bible and decided to, you know, stop eating there, conservatives went nuts.

    Then came Mike Huckabee, a southern Baptist minister whose religio-political sermons, speeches, and long-winded social commentaries would have you believing that he’s a man of deep spiritual conviction.

    Turns out he’s not.

    Having heaved himself off his health food high-horse, Huckabee has dripped honey potion in our ears with what should go down in history as the most eloquent defense of blind, gluttonous, ethically depraved consumerism that this country has ever heard.

    The CEOs of Apple Computer, Starbucks, Ben & Jerry’s, Amazon all support same-sex marriage, had given generously to it. But I still drink Starbucks. I use my iPhone and MacBook. I will order things on Amazon and I will eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream. I’m not buying their politics. I’m buying their products. And I think people need to quit being so ridiculously fearful that somebody might have a point view that is different from mine.

    I won’t go all left-field here and say that Huckabee would be the first to boycott Chick-fil-A if its CEO was a gay atheist who posted signs saying “Christianity is opium of the ignorant masses.” Nor will I say that Huckabee is a spineless, profit-driven automaton who, by his own logic, could just as easily justify buying cotton sheets from the KKK if doing so satiated his thirst for capitalistic patriotism and thoughtless consumption.

    I will say that boycotting anything, whether Nike tennis shoes or Chinese manufactured toys, is not an exercise in “commerce censorship,” as Huckabee claims. Such physical demonstrations of empowerment, or activism if you will, serve as welcomed reminders that some people still are capable of feeling empathy, fighting prejudice, and demanding justice. It shows that some people know the difference between right and wrong, and that they’re willing to stand up for their beliefs.

    Sometimes those beliefs were antiquated, bigoted, or childish, like when a group of conservative Christians boycotted Huckabee’s favorite ice cream company, Ben & Jerry’s, in 2011; or when Christian leaders called on people of faith to boycott Sony after the release of “The Da Vinci Code” in 2006; or when Lowe’s was pressured to pull commercial advertising from “All American Muslim” on TLC; or when religious leaders organized boycotts against stores that used “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”; or when Christian mothers called for a boycott of JC Penny for hiring an openly gay spokeswoman (Ellen DeGeneres)…

    Over the course of human history, we have justified horrendous atrocities, against each other and our planet, based on personal beliefs. More recently, we have put capitalism before freedom.

    But as thousands of Americans lined up to buy chicken as a public demonstration of their anti-gay convictions, thousands more lined up outside the very same restaurants to protest those very same convictions.

    Only time can tell whose actions are cause for celebration, and whose will be remembered in shame.

    Sometimes something so simple as a boycott can actually change the course of history, the progress of a nation.

    Like that one in Montgomery, Ala., in the 1950s.

    Or that other boycott, in the 1770s, against the East India tea company.

    Comments

    The phrase "commerce censorship" is entirely ridiculous.  If an issue means something to you, then you act on it.  It's that simple.  Of course, nobody will ever be able to buy in perfect harmony with their political ideals.  But the Chik-Fil-A people have been so public about their beliefs.  They use it as part of their marketing, really.  And that will work for some people and not for others.


    Huckabee also called it "economic terrorism" in '08 when a gay man created an online petition against companies that allowed consumers to donate to anti-gay groups through web sales. 

     

    How insulting. To protest, the very "freedom" upon which this country was founded, is now considered un-American. By some...


    Sure.  Until his side wants to protest something.  Then it's a sacred right again.  Terrorists and freedom fighters.


    Personally, I never miss an opportunity to shake a fist at Yahweh, that despicable low-rent Canaanite gangster/extortionist/ethnic cleansing poor excuse for a deity for whom my people (on my mother's side-not the Visigoths )owe humanity an apology.

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