Thanks Ramona. I know women have to do the systems check and, yes, I do believe that makes the whole thing less pleasurable for us.  I guess I chose this example to illustrate the enormity of scale that differentiates the consequences for a man and woman in casual circumstances.  But what I was also looking for was an answer to why the discourse around abortion, which tends to center on women and their choices, is never challenged... even by women. Why do we accept the terms of the debate as they are? Why don't women talk about this in public forums? (Or do they, and I just don't know where it's going on?)  The only article I could find where some scholar even acknowledged male agency in pregnancy talked about it in the context of abuse, as in when the guy wanted to get his partner pregnant against her will and either tricked her or forced her.  So I chose a more benign circumstance to suggest that epic consequences flow from little failures of consensus.  Because women have much more to lose, I wish they would bring this fact up more in a political context.  The abortion debate always makes it sound like it is all about the woman's choice to end a life, not about her overbearing (libido-killing) responsibility about whether to start one, unless, of course, it's an extreme case like rape or incest.

I recently got diagnosed with something called 'complex atypical hyperplasia,' which is basically precancer of the endometrium. My gynecologist immediately scheduled a total hysterectomy.  I researched a great deal, spoke to pathologists, and concluded that other treatments were out there, you just had to know about them. I also learned that gynecologists are required to perform a quota of hysterectomies (somewhere around 70) before they can be licensed, which might be one reason mine (who works at a teaching hospital) has his students perform them routinely, even though many studies predict negative outcomes for the patient. My gynecologist thinks I'm a nut and says he's never had a complaint from a single woman.  Again, digging deeper, I talked to a couple of women who had terrible experiences, but also said they didn't want to complain to their male doctor or discourage other women who might not have a choice about getting the procedure.

I short, I'm mystified by what sometimes feels like a network of silence, at least in the public sphere, about what women undergo at all points in their sexual life - and it sometimes has the taint of old world etiquette, whispering and maintaining an appearance of everything being 'just fine,' and that's between women themselves, who don't want to share the really private, really difficult stuff. I suppose the aspects of a woman (and man)'s sexuality that Planned Parenthood looks after are not, at the end of the day, very sexy - but gaining a voice and access to information is.  I wish young people would jump on board to support PP with the same fervor they have demonstrated in their support of Bernie Sanders, showing the same ingenuity to address the burden of pregnancy, abortion, and sexual health we all share.