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I don't want to talk about high principles like freedom of religion in America and what our civil compact on religious questions means for the way we should conduct presidential elections.
I just want to talk about the fact that I never realized liberals had so many sticks up their asses about Mormons.
Maybe I've missed something. Mormons sound dangerous. Is there a temple or community center going up somewhere that I can protest? I have now obtained a stick and will do my best to insert it into my rectum along with everyone else. But I'm kind of a natural born tightass, so it might not fit in there with all the other sticks I carry around.
I don't know a whole lot about Mormons. For me growing up, "Mormon" meant the Osmond brothers, a squeaky clean bunch of smiling and inoffensive All-American kids. Not really anything I would ever want to listen to on purpose, but nothing loathsome about them.
Later in life I learned Mormons had some odd doctrines and rituals. But that only added to their kooky charm. How deceived I was!
I learned that they used to be polygamous. They seem very embarrassed about that now, but I think they would be more fun if they were still polygamous. Am I bad?
Salt Lake City is a beautiful city. Clean; civically well-organized; healthy; plenty of fun things to do; amazing mountains; great Saturday farmers market in the park. The people I met there seem to like living there. Karl Malone spent a whole career there and lived to tell about it.
On the other hand, they still execute people by firing squad there. There was an execution when I was visiting. Strange that they don't follow the more civilized method of poisoning people to death on a gurney.
In my job, I sometimes work over the phone with Mormon publishers in Utah. Very pleasant and polite people. Can't say the same about New Jersey, which based on my experience should change its nickname name to "The Dickhole State."
I remember that Donny Osmond went through a stage where he tried to be a little "bad" or "dangerous" - occasionally wouldn't shave. But he couldn't do it because he was just too darn nice.
Every once in a while I see some Mormon kids out proselyting. I ask, "On a mission?" and they say "Yeah", with a smile. No Mormon so far has ever tried stuffing religion down my throat, unlike some of the more intense protestant Christian evangelizers. But maybe that's their dastardly trick?
Orel Hershiser - great pitcher. Mormon I think. (Or is he just a Mormon-ish guy named "Orel"?)
The kooky rituals are perplexing. But really no kookier than the idea that God wants you to cut off your foreskin and cover your head so he doesn't see you impertinent skulltop when he looks down from the sky; or that a giant angel is going to come down and blow a trumpet straddling the shoreline.
Isn't it enough to talk about the fact that Romney is a greedy and soulless venture capitalist who believes the purpose of life is to chew companies and workers up and then shit them out in more profitable pieces, so rich people can collect a buttload of money in the process?