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Robert Irvine takes on 'lost causes'.
It is a set up to some extent, I am no fool. Well, I am a fool and have been a fool for at least a decade; but bear with me.
The theme of his show is that lost causes are not all lost causes.
The theme of his show is that capitalism works, as long as the capitalists are not idiots.
The theme of his show is that basic business models work.
Irvine is one of the ugliest bastard to hit the 'screen' since Borgnine.
But Irvine is built like a brick shite house. Hahahahahahahaah
I mean this guy could certainly make the Sci Fi channel's one of the greatest world wrestlers because he is built like a brick shite house. Hahaha
Anyway, Robert will show up at a predetermined location in order to help a failing restaurant.
Restaurant may be defined as a diner or a breakfast nook or whatever.
I am a normal Chinese Commie, although that definition has changed over the years. Hahahahah
Just the other day, Bachmann (the singularly most idiotic candidate for the presidency I have ever witnessed over the last six decades) noted that America is more socialistic than the commie Chinese.
I mean, she is an idiot. Right? Or am I simply so remiss in my studies of English that I am missing some nuance in her recent ramblings?
Irvine shows up on some restaurant site with his troop and scans the establishment.
Basically it turns out that:
The kitchen is full of grease and bacteria and dirt and …...
Well the kitchen is shite.
The seating areas are ugly, the walls are ugly, the actual tables are ugly, the lighting is ugly, the ...well everything but the workers are ugly. This ugly asshole sees everything as ugly except the workers—so I have to be on board.
Now, don't get me wrong. The guy is not a commie like me. I mean he treats the workers like they are working on one of Delay's islands.
Robert then attacks the cooks.
Okay fix me a Chicken Cardon Bleu and then I shall do the same; fix a pasta with tomato sauce and meat balls and then I shall do the same; finally fix me a goddamn hamburger with fries.
And we usually know that the current chef's creation tastes like sawdust (the prick really likes this term) whilst his own creations taste like angel's manna. Ahahahahahah
Oh, and the chef-cook's reaction better be:
YOU BET, MY STUFF SMELLS AND TASTES AND GOES DOWN LIKE SAWDUST WHILST YOUR CREATIONS TASTE LIKE ANGEL SHITE!
This bastard takes over this restaurant like he is Napoleon taking Europe.
There can be no democracy.
There can be no dissension.
There can only be the team effort toward victory.
Kind of like the philosophies of Hitler and Penn State. Hahahahahah
Irving also has a plan.
If your restaurant is graced with his input; and that is no easy task; $10,000 shall be invested in your enterprise as long as you accept Irving as Der Fuhrer. Hahahahaha
But there are caveats to the set.
I mean, $10,000 is just the cost of materials.
I am not sure if independent contractor bills are included. It is by no means clear.
But he has this team that will go find some goddamnable wheel from some wagon left over from a Wagon Train rerun and turn it into an icon to be worshiped as a hungry traveler might enter the diner's threshhold. And his real staff celebrity, a wonderful lady, will find that wheel at some garbage dump and pay $100.00 for it!
You have to see this show to believe me.
She will find wall paper to cover ugly tables for $400.00 and then hit Irving with a Two Thousand Dollar bill for a ready-made shelf for awards; or a special flooring.
Drama is an illusion of course.
On TV anyway.
And Irving plays this false; over dramatic confrontation with his team in order to increase ratings. There is only 48 hours left; there is only 24 hours left; there is only 12 hours left.
Left of what?
But I tell ya; he can transform this stage (which is what every single restaurant is) into something wonderful.
And I am caught up into the pretend drama.
I am caught up into the feigned reaction by the owners of the food supplier.
I am caught up into the not so feigned reaction of the lower workers and the diners.
Now I have not read the entire file.
But if you recall, no one ever has ever read the entire file. Hahahahahahah
But Robert Irvine takes a non profitable mess and turns it into something plausible.
A cook might not wish to include an evening entree after working for a breakfast/lunch establishment.
An assistant manager might not wish to add another 4 hours to her weekly regimen.
But Irvine is attempting to discuss (in my humble opinion) the problems of capitalism. The bare problems of capitalism are present.
Imagine that the government could provide a small (and a small business is not one with 50,000 workers for chrissakes!) business with an investment that would mirror what Irvine is doing?
And imagine that that business could be transformed into a money making operation in a few short weeks?
And further imagine that profits from that biz would be applied to the Government Loan and that some interest would be paid from those profits besides the normal taxes?
I am caught by the basic paradigm this guy has provided to me.
I am struck by the concept in terms of a TV show.
Look, the reason you are failing is because of your recipes.
Look, the reason you are failing is because of your treatment of your workers.
Look the reason you are failing is because of governmental regulations including zoning and licensing and taxes and …..
Irving says: we can make this work regardless.
Now I do not buy every happy ending Robert Irving comes up with in his show.
I mean every single ending to Robert's exposition includes smiling eaters and happy workers and a series of lines on the screen telling the viewer that gross revenues have increased 25% and loans have been paid off and.....
That is not the point here.
I am just drawn to Robert Irving's take on life.
I like this guy.
In the beginning I hated this guy.
I do not like his looks, I do not like his attitude, I probably do not like his politics, and I sure the hell do not like his overt attack upon his own team members.
But his 'plan'; his 'purpose', his over all view of business really gets to me.
Maybe this cooking show on the cooking network is all a ruse. We are all being lied to.
Well, when are we not being lied to?
And I hope, that I can demonstrate why this man should be named Secretary of Defense.