Richard Day's picture

    Robert Irvine; Restaurant Impossible!

    Robert Irvine takes on 'lost causes'.

    It is a set up to some extent, I am no fool. Well, I am a fool and have been a fool for at least a decade; but bear with me.

    The theme of his show is that lost causes are not all lost causes.

    The theme of his show is that capitalism works, as long as the capitalists are not idiots.

    The theme of his show is that basic business models work.

    Irvine is one of the ugliest bastard to hit the 'screen' since Borgnine.

    But Irvine is built like a brick shite house. Hahahahahahahaah

    I mean this guy could certainly make the Sci Fi channel's one of the greatest world wrestlers because he is built like a brick shite house. Hahaha

    Anyway, Robert will show up at a predetermined location in order to help a failing restaurant.

    Restaurant may be defined as a diner or a breakfast nook or whatever.

    I am a normal Chinese Commie, although that definition has changed over the years. Hahahahah

    Just the other day, Bachmann (the singularly most idiotic candidate for the presidency I have ever witnessed over the last six decades) noted that America is more socialistic than the commie Chinese.

    I mean, she is an idiot. Right? Or am I simply so remiss in my studies of English that I am missing some nuance in her recent ramblings?

    Irvine shows up on some restaurant site with his troop and scans the establishment.

    Basically it turns out that:

    The kitchen is full of grease and bacteria and dirt and …...

    Well the kitchen is shite.

    The seating areas are ugly, the walls are ugly, the actual tables are ugly, the lighting is ugly, the ...well everything but the workers are ugly. This ugly asshole sees everything as ugly except the workers—so I have to be on board.

    Now, don't get me wrong. The guy is not a commie like me. I mean he treats the workers like they are working on one of Delay's islands.

    Robert then attacks the cooks.

    Okay fix me a Chicken Cardon Bleu and then I shall do the same; fix a pasta with tomato sauce and meat balls and then I shall do the same; finally fix me a goddamn hamburger with fries.


    And we usually know that the current chef's creation tastes like sawdust (the prick really likes this term) whilst his own creations taste like angel's manna. Ahahahahahah

    Oh, and the chef-cook's reaction better be:



    But damn.

    This bastard takes over this restaurant like he is Napoleon taking Europe.

    There can be no democracy.

    There can be no dissension.

    There can only be the team effort toward victory.

    Kind of like the philosophies of Hitler and Penn State. Hahahahahah

    Irving also has a plan.

    If your restaurant is graced with his input; and that is no easy task; $10,000 shall be invested in your enterprise as long as you accept Irving as Der Fuhrer. Hahahahaha

    But there are caveats to the set.

    I mean, $10,000 is just the cost of materials.

    I am not sure if independent contractor bills are included. It is by no means clear.

    But he has this team that will go find some goddamnable wheel from some wagon left over from a Wagon Train rerun and turn it into an icon to be worshiped as a hungry traveler might enter the diner's threshhold. And his real staff celebrity, a wonderful lady, will find that wheel at some garbage dump and pay $100.00 for it!

    You have to see this show to believe me.

    She will find wall paper to cover ugly tables for $400.00 and then hit Irving with a Two Thousand Dollar bill for a  ready-made shelf for awards; or a special flooring.

    Drama is an illusion of course.

    On TV anyway.

    And Irving plays this false; over dramatic confrontation with his team in order to increase ratings. There is only 48 hours left; there is only 24 hours left; there is only 12 hours left.

    Left of what?

    But I tell ya; he can transform this stage (which is what every single restaurant is) into something wonderful.

    And I am caught up into the pretend drama.

    I am caught up into the feigned reaction by the owners of the food supplier.

    I am caught up into the not so feigned reaction of the lower workers and the diners.

    Now I have not read the entire file.

    But if you recall, no one ever has ever read the entire file. Hahahahahahah

    But Robert Irvine takes a non profitable mess and turns it into something plausible.

    A cook might not wish to include an evening entree after working for a breakfast/lunch establishment.

    An assistant manager might not wish to add another 4 hours to her weekly regimen.

    But Irvine is attempting to discuss (in my humble opinion) the problems of capitalism. The bare problems of capitalism are present.


    Imagine that the government could provide a small (and a small business is not one with 50,000 workers for chrissakes!) business with an investment that would mirror what Irvine is doing?

    And imagine that that business could be transformed into a money making operation in a few short weeks?

    And further imagine that profits from that biz would be applied to the Government Loan and that some interest would be paid from those profits besides the normal taxes?

    I am caught by the basic paradigm this guy has provided to me.

    I am struck by the concept in terms of a TV show.

    Look, the reason you are failing is because of your recipes.

    Look, the reason you are failing is because of your treatment of your workers.

    Look the reason you are failing is because of governmental regulations including zoning and licensing and taxes and …..

    Irving says: we can make this work regardless.

    Now I do not buy every happy ending Robert Irving comes up with in his show.

    I mean every single ending to Robert's exposition includes smiling eaters and happy workers and a series of lines on the screen telling the viewer that gross revenues have increased 25% and loans have been paid off and.....

    That is not the point here.

    I am just drawn to Robert Irving's take on life.

    I like this guy.

    In the beginning I hated this guy.

    I do not like his looks, I do not like his attitude, I probably do not like his politics, and I sure the hell do not like his overt attack upon his own team members.

    But his 'plan'; his 'purpose', his over all view of business really gets to me.

    Maybe this cooking show on the cooking network is all a ruse. We are all being lied to.

    Well, when are we not being lied to?

    And I hope, that I can demonstrate why this man should be named Secretary of Defense.

    The end


    For now!




    Joe Bastianich can so kick Robert Irvine's ass.

    I doubt this pretty boy could muster up a good salad and a burger in the back of some diner!

    After that sendoff I'll have to watch at least one episode, though I am set not to like this guy. But do you think that watching all that food stimulates your adrenalin, you're blood sugar drops, you feel needy, you see this guy as some kind of a savior and then you become a victim of Stockholm syndrome?

    we are all Patty Hearst.

    It is just the attitude:

    Let us make this work!

    I am just taken by it.

    Hard to say whether he's Jimmy Stewart fighting for that lost cause, or some Republican blaming the problems with the economy on too much government regulations and/or lazy American workers.  But to me, it sounds more like Republican wet dreams in which  America would be fine if we could just get the government off our backs and get rid of the danged labor unions... Don't let the sugar-coated realty TV disguise fool you, this is Conservative propaganda dripping into your brain, DD.  Kill it. Kill it before it phonily succeeds again.



    Oh repubs just spend all day and night screaming:



    Of course I have never tasted Irvine's food either. hahahah


    LOL. For the last couple of weeks I have been cleaning out my cookbooks. It is more like Kitchen Impossible here most of the time anyways. I am copying the recipes I use and taking the books to goodwill. Keeping only the vintage ones and a few favorite ones. I bet a show featuring recipes that are from before the 1950's that are inexpensive would be popular.

    they could certainly frame a show like that Momoe.

    But there are shows that demonstrate how to cook cheaply and efficiently.

    There is too much salt and fat being thrown into dishes on the food channel and it bothers me.

    What I really love to do is hit the internet for recipes. And there are even how-to videos.

    The beauty of your idea would be to take us back to the days of rationing and show us how Joe and Jane got through the day on the basics.

    It was a time when we really were all together on the same team!

    Personally, I won't watch these shows til they start cooking human flesh.

    I'm tired of all this fooferaw, all in the name of roasted animal.


    Let's cut to the chase. The viewers should get to watch an episode, vote on the least worthy employee, and then, as the credits roll, you get to witness said lower employee being slaughtered, hung up and bled out in a back room, gutted (no giblets!)... then braised (lightly), maybe a nice maple sauce, bit of garnish, brains in nice china bowls set to the side, then the whole thing fed to the hungry patrons, moaning with pleasure. 


    Also, good blog Dick! I may now watch this guy as I stumble cross the dial.

    The only cannibalism I see portrayed on the Food Network is on that paula Deen show.

    I did a blog on her.

    I actually saw her perform on the Christian Robertson crucifiction channel thingy!

    She uses more fat, sugar, white flour and other poisons in her concoctions than anyone else around.

    There are rumors that the local DA is investigating her on some manslaughter beef!

    Don't you dare slander Paula Deen! This woman has given me a whole new appreciation for the magic that is butter.

    Well, we saw on The Apprentice that big bosses like Donald Trump, and his kids, know everything, and that working hard and passing the buck were the twin paths to success. Otherwise, "you're fired."

    The we saw on Kitchen Nightmares, and this Restaurant Impossible show, that cussing out owners and cooks that don't use fresh food and a limited menu was actually kindness in disguise.

    And we saw on Undercover Boss that know-it-all, cussing bosses really have hearts of gold when confronted with the plight of the suffering workers. Just like the future King in The Prince and the Pauper, or Charles Coburn in The Devil and Miss Jones.

    Just watch TV, and you'll realize that they just want the best for us.


    Well I was worried that this blog might demonstrate exactly how boring and moronic my life has become.

    But I swear I have never watched any of the shows you list except for this restaurant impossible.

    You find a sick organism; a small small business and you make it healthy again!

    You do not do so by sitting in some board room.

    You do it by laying hands on the sick f*&k just like everyone else involved in the operation.

    No franchises involved.

    Maybe a total of fifteen employees including the owner employee(s).

    I find it illuminating!

    I know I just put a Times article on your other thread, but this one other is appropriate on this thread, I think. Also on the front page:


    Sometimes it seems only outsiders (or immigrants) can really see what's needed when and where to work out successfully? Everyone else has blinders on?

    Remember Belushi doing the Greek immigrant version of "cheezbuger, cheezbuger, cheezbuger, no coke, pepsi"?

    No fries---cheeps!

    Fries are Franch. They were offering 'mercan food.

    And just in case anyone assumes the parodied crankiness was anything other than language limitations, there was (and still is) this printed message:

    as long as you want a cheezbuger, cheeps, pepsi or coffee to go.



    This is an interesting link.

    Ulysses, Kansas of all places.

    Times change.

    Populations change.

    That is the story of thousands of American towns over the centuries.

    We must adapt.


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