William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Internet’s Top-3 Commenters in Nation announced by Prestigious Blog

    When I started my blog, it was because of my burning desire to affect change on a world troubled on a wide variety of fronts. Or it was because I had too much time on my hands and needed amusement. One of those.

    But something strange happened – no one came. For about a few year, I`d celebrate on days where I had 15 hits, even if 14 of them were me, logging on to different computers around the city so I could click my own Google Ads.

    But eventually, more readers showed up, with Dgun getting away from Politics Forum to come check out my blog. Then, he just never left. Hugh and Michael showed up about a year later (seriously, I’m just pulling the time frame out of my ass) and they, also never left. In the 25 years since, they’ve seen about everything I’ve written, and seen me called every name in the book by “Just-passing-through Flamers.” They actually quite seem to enjoy it.

    So while DGun was the First Commenter of the Year, this year he has company at the podium. And I made the podium really small, so that they will all be really squeezed in up there. This whole blog is for my amusement, you know. Anyway, DGun, Hugh C. McBride and Michael are the William K. Wolfrum Chronicles Commenters of the Year for 2009. And thus, the greatest commenters in all the lands on on the Internets.

    And may I quote Dan Mirvish, co-creator of Martin Eisenstadt, who said this to me when we met: “You got a wierd thing with the commenters, right?’”

    “Yes. Yes I do,” said I.

    “They’re funny.”

    “Yes they are,” said I. And we held one another, long into the night and the following morning, when he had to pick up his kids.

    Because overuse of endquotes is a sign of weakness, let me just say this – Being a blogger is the hardest job I’ve ever had. Check that, I meant easiest. But regardless, it truly makes me feel good to know I have this great little community at my site. There are others, and they could be earning honors themselves next year. I really do appreciate all the commenters of all differing perspectives. I will make it my job to put my two cents into the comments as well this year.

    And finally, because you’ll never fail by ending your post with a poem, here’s a little slice of brilliance Hugh put together, showing once again that my commenters aren’t just good, they’re often better than me. Thank God they haven’t figure that out yet. They are terribly amusing.

    An Ode to Two Thousand

    Two thousand posts — essential reads
    On Overstock’s immoral deeds,
    And how our blogger spills his seed,
    And penis cleavage (thanks, Jeff Reed).

    Two thousand posts on this & that:
    The lies of Martin Eisenstadt,
    Why Patrick Byrne is such a rat,
    And Samba Bill in floral hat.

    Two thousand chances for us all
    To hoot and holler, whine and brawl;
    For dgun, Michael, Bob & all
    To scribble on Bill’s online wall.

    Two thousand posts and press releases –
    The joy, the passion never ceases;
    Exploring our world’s nooks & creases,
    And honoring Enormous Jesus.

    Two thousand times he’s cranked one out,
    Made lib’ruls rave & wingnuts shout,
    And left the world with little doubt
    The satire war’s been won — in a rout.

    The next two thousand we await
    With one request: It would be great
    To not know that you celebrate
    How many times you masturbate

    by Hugh C. McBride



    The selection committee of the Wolfrum Commenter Prizes is made up of socialist liberals who not only seek the destruction of the United States but are also clearly biased towards commenters on Wolfrum's own insignificant blog.

    To combat this scourge, I hereby announce the creation of the Fairer and Balancer Dagblog Commenter Prizes which recognize commenters for outstanding contributions to internet discussion regardless of which blog they frequent. The winners for 2009 are the true heroes of the blogosphere, including:

    • Nebton - Most Nerdy
    • DF - Most Verbose
    • Acanuck and Quinn the Eskimo (tie) - Most Cranky
    • Acanuck and Quinn the Eskimo (tie) - Most Canadian
    • Sean (not verified) - Most Relentless
    • Anonymous (not verified) - Most Anonymous
    • Tiger Woods - Most Never Actually Commented but Good for Search Hits

    Jeez, Genghis, I feel doubly honored. Perhaps because you doubly honored me.

    I'd argue, however, that I'm both more Canadian (see Favorite Things post) and less cranky (see Favorite Things post) than quinn.

    "Screw you aCanuck," he said politely - thus winning both titles.

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